Ask an SLE woman

[niffer]

What's wrong with SLEs such as Benito Mussolini, Saddam Hussein or Recep Tayyip Erdoğan? How are they different from you?

If your question is about why they were messed up people who became leaders, since it's most widely thought that people are a combination of nature and nurture, I would have to read up about their early lives in detail, information which may not be reliable, and even then, anything that I could tell you would be wild guessing on my part. I don't think that I would be able to give you an answer that you would find satisfactory. It seems like the universe just produces messed up people once in a while, and SLEs can be more prone to creating mass destruction because it is a very warlike personality configuration.

The main difference between me and them, is that I'm me, and they're them. Different DNA, different upbringings, entirely different life situations altogether. Of course, one can say this about what makes any two people different, or what makes one person different from anyone else to ever exist. Perhaps I'm not so different from them at all.

[tuathe]

So, @niffer, what did you like about this EII you dated and what did you hate/dislike?

[niffer]

So, @niffer, what did you like about this EII you dated and what did you hate/dislike?

I won't speak in detail about this because this is a very public website. In short, it seemed like we had similar taste in things, and that we complimented and supported each other well and communication seemed like a breeze, but eventually I realized that the way that we valued things and viewed life was completely different and incompatible.

[Rebelondeck]

....... the way that we valued things and viewed life was completely different and incompatible.

@niffer Isn't that the needed perspective in a supportive relationship - a different value and view? It can be valuable in an annoying sort of way such as I like danger but he keeps me safe. One should not let the many little things obscure the big picture. Also this alternate perspective does serve to prevent one from pooping in the others pasture.....

a.k.a. I/O

[niffer]

@niffer Isn't that the needed perspective in a supportive relationship - a different value and view? It can be valuable in an annoying sort of way such as I like danger but he keeps me safe. One should not let the many little things obscure the big picture. Also this alternate perspective does serve to prevent one from pooping in the others pasture.....

a.k.a. I/O

The thing is that it was not complementary in the way that you describe. It was different in such a way that we were directly antagonistic towards each other. At first it was subtle, and the larger feeling of complementariness helped keep me motivated. But eventually it ended up being a mirage. We were preventing each other from growing and were actually directly pooping in each other's pastures. It was different in values and views in the way that we should not have continued down the same path together as life partners, while certainly being helpful for philosophical reflection in the short term.

[Rebelondeck]

.........we were directly antagonistic towards each other.......

@niffer It sounds as if some baggage was interfering with natural type-processes - perhaps a certain amount of learned, self-righteous intolerance.......

a.k.a. I/O

[niffer]

@niffer It sounds as if some baggage was interfering with natural type-processes - perhaps a certain amount of learned, self-righteous intolerance.......

a.k.a. I/O

This is vague to the point where even saying this is pointless. Can you elaborate?

[Beautiful sky]

I won't speak in detail about this because this is a very public website. In short, it seemed like we had similar taste in things, and that we complimented and supported each other well and communication seemed like a breeze, but eventually I realized that the way that we valued things and viewed life was completely different and incompatible.

I dated an SLE for a short term. I can say the following differences The spontaneity was not adequate for my psyche. I really like the "let's plan it" approach to going somewhere and even plan where we will have dinner and make things predictable. SLE took me with their senses "there's this restaurant at the beach overlooking the surf with big window. We can eat there" It was an overload of sensations. Even when we got back to his place he wanted to play the guitar as we took in the sunset. I just wanted to lay on the couch and relax. So there was no clear cut "relax time" as there is with my dual, which I love so much. I appreciated SLE's connection to his family and the history he shared with me. He was very proud of his heritage and of the crafts that were passed down to him. It made things very rich for Fi types who value family and friendship. I didn't have enough emotional output for him. After a while I just wanted to escape and be at home. I didn't want to go out any more. I didn't want to do things. He was very kind. He made me tea but in all he did there was that element of heightened sensation and will where I wanted to be at home, watch a few shows and listen to someone talk about their work and what had transpired. He talked about his work as he was working. I'm trying to think of specific things. Also SLE are protective, they will reach out to me and ask me what's going on and in what ways can they be of help. I find my duals are there for me but let me do what I want in a "I guided you, you decide."

I'm just not emotionally varied and I can be quite willful. I'm not changeable, I'm steady and predictable and always very consistent. My duals always get a report of where I am so that they can track my activity. From when I leave for work and i get there I'm texting "I'm at work babe" to going to lunch "I'm going to lunch" when I get home safely "I'm at home." I don't know why and I can't explain to you what it is that I find so even and comforting in this.

Maybe being Ep and having an Ip dual who can do things spontaneously makes them interact on a day to day basis without tracking on each other's actions so much. IDK

I also find it sad when SLE cry ( a few females have) and I don't have enough Fe to say "Aww, I'm sorry. I hope you feel better' with that loud and expressive sympathetic tone. All I do is reach in for a hug and say "I'm here for you if you want to start pouring out your troubles. I'll listen"

SLE define the things that are "real power" "real man" etc. It's the difference between being a commander and a working bee. I'll take my duals
Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power.

With LSE it's what they enjoy doing and what they do that is the center of most conversations
What the right ways of doing things are, identifying how others do it the way they do and then saying "I like the way he thinks"
I enjoy going on motorcycle trips and stopping in small towns and enjoying drinks with the locals. Doing Te and enjoying Si

[dot]

I dated an SLE for a short term. I can say the following differences The spontaneity was not adequate for my psyche. I really like the "let's plan it" approach to going somewhere and even plan where we will have dinner and make things predictable. SLE took me with their senses "there's this restaurant at the beach overlooking the surf with big window. We can eat there" It was an overload of sensations. Even when we got back to his place he wanted to play the guitar as we took in the sunset. I just wanted to lay on the couch and relax. So there was no clear cut "relax time" as there is with my dual, which I love so much. I appreciated SLE's connection to his family and the history he shared with me. He was very proud of his heritage and of the crafts that were passed down to him. It made things very rich for Fi types who value family and friendship. I didn't have enough emotional output for him. After a while I just wanted to escape and be at home. I didn't want to go out any more. I didn't want to do things. He was very kind. He made me tea but in all he did there was that element of heightened sensation and will where I wanted to be at home, watch a few shows and listen to someone talk about their work and what had transpired. He talked about his work as he was working. I'm trying to think of specific things. Also SLE are protective, they will reach out to me and ask me what's going on and in what ways can they be of help. I find my duals are there for me but let me do what I want in a "I guided you, you decide."

I'm just not emotionally varied and I can be quite willful. I'm not changeable, I'm steady and predictable and always very consistent. My duals always get a report of where I am so that they can track my activity. From when I leave for work and i get there I'm texting "I'm at work babe" to going to lunch "I'm going to lunch" when I get home safely "I'm at home." I don't know why and I can't explain to you what it is that I find so even and comforting in this.

Maybe being Ep and having an Ip dual who can do things spontaneously makes them interact on a day to day basis without tracking on each other's actions so much. IDK

I also find it sad when SLE cry ( a few females have) and I don't have enough Fe to say "Aww, I'm sorry. I hope you feel better' with that loud and expressive sympathetic tone. All I do is reach in for a hug and say "I'm here for you if you want to start pouring out your troubles. I'll listen"

SLE define the things that are "real power" "real man" etc. It's the difference between being a commander and a working bee. I'll take my duals
Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power.

With LSE it's what they enjoy doing and what they do that is the center of most conversations
What the right ways of doing things are, identifying how others do it the way they do and then saying "I like the way he thinks"
I enjoy going on motorcycle trips and stopping in small towns and enjoying drinks with the locals. Doing Te and enjoying Si

.

[LuckyOne]

I know this is an old post but:
I am an INFp, but I can be quite unspontaneous too though. My other INFp friend and me like to play safe many times (like we love staying at home and are kinda scared of new experiences etc.) and I remember meeting an SLE guy at a party and I couldn't open up at all at least that fast within a few hours time (too much pressure for an introvert), and even though I am very humourous with my friends and people I trust.. it takes me time to show Fe towards someone that intensely, especially if I am attracted to them and do not want to come across as weird.
Even other INFps I met are not Fe in your face, I guess it takes a while for introverts to show their Fe at all.. it's often used very subtly. And even though I can be soft and flexible with people I do not wanna piss off or whom I really respect, I am not that diplomatic at all, actually Si and Ne users are much better at being diplomatic and not insisting on things, I as an Ni/Se user am very stubborn and want to reach my goals no matter what, sometimes just waltzing over other people's feelings (I am not Fe dominant afterall but a dominant Ni user). I sometimes do not understand the stereotypes about INFps.. yes, we are soft and stuff.. at the same time we are not as good natured as the internet portrays us and I learned a lot of the social rules from other people as I often just disregarded them to get what I want.. especially as a kid.

Precisely why I hate the eternal circle about Duals being "meant to be" going on in this forum. I love IEIs as friends but I know by personal experience, having observed the bolded as true, that they are unsuited to me as romantic partners.

[dot]

Precisely why I hate the eternal circle about Duals being "meant to be" going on in this forum. I love IEIs as friends but I know by personal experience, having observed the bolded as true, that they are unsuited to me as romantic partners.

I do not agree actually. The thing is.. that SLEs do have a similar extreme and enduring nature about them, which makes them perfect for IEIs. The thing is that Ni/Se users often run over Si/Ne users by their pressuring or rather extreme nature, which in my experience makes them incompatible for close relationships. For me it takes my equal (someone with force) to "tame" me and to put me in my place. Something an Si/Ne user often does not want to do, they want 'lax' restrictions. Like for example I had some Delta NFs who were interested in me.. but I knew I had to really control myself with them in a close relationship (which is not very comfortable), like I really feel too 'mean' for such nice and easy going people. An EIE friend said something similar.. she gets really mean when people are too submissive (which sounds very 'cruel' I know and she always feels sorry afterwards like I do).
My SLE best friend told me and I told her that only the two of us can actually convince the other person to do something or make the other person want to do something. SLEs often get bored of consistency, which is very much provided by Si users and which Ne users seek.
Btw you also bolded the subtle "Fe" part, but SEIs use Fe just as subtly as IEIs, they are Fe creatives as well. Many of them are actually shier than me.. which might be because of my so/sx nature. The thing is even though I am a dreamy and sometimes shy person (depending on the situation and people), I do have a completely different extreme, hard headed and enduring side about me, which is also needed, because we do not break as easily from an SLE's pressure, especially males can be 'divas' in a way, they are betas after all.. and they attract a lot of drama like all of us lol.
The thing about the not opening up to that SLE guy for example is that being put in an environment with complete strangers puts me under pressure to act and behave 'normal' or very cautious at first, especially with a potential romantic match.. like I really want to observe people at first to get an impression of who they are or might be. In a more relaxed environment with friends and some new people the game usually changes and I actually am pretty capeable of controlling the mood of a whole group as soon as the dynamics are made clear.
Also I feel that the often sexual nature of ESTps is only matched by another Beta, if not an IEI (who are just as sexual beings as ESTps).
Also duality only hits after spending quite a long time together, I never had an as intense bond with another ESTp (even though I do find them extremely attractive), because there was no close interaction. Even after talking to some of them it is not enough. You really gotta work together or spend a few hours with them alone. But these were just my two cents.