Failure to pick up hints- socionics significance?

[The Exception]

Handling irate customers is easy for me, and sometimes I'm surprised others get so flustered. To me, it's simple. The upset customer has a problem they're trying to fix. Just find the problem and fix it. I don't really care or mind how they express themselves, what language they use, how loud they speak or yell, etc., because it's just their emotional expression and sometimes pure emotional reaction about what's causing their issue. I just tune that stuff out, listen, let them know I'm on their side, and try to resolve the issue. Then they're happy.

I think I get flustered largely because when a customer gets irate, I tend to perceive it as a personal attack. Somehow I'm not measuring up. I'm not doing the job well, I'm responsible for their misery. I think also because Se is my PoLR, I find displays of irate behavior to be rather threatening. I feel like I'm being forced to do something and if I don't comply they are going to get even more angry.

By the way, even when I can't get them what they want, as long as the issue is resolved with an answer, on an emotional level the customer is happy. I've had to break bad news to customers many times, but I do so in a way which shows I've listened to them completely and I've tried what I can. I'll sometimes have to explain a rule or process and justify a decision made by management, but I let them know I tried and that I was on their side and I let them know what options they have, even if they can't get exactly what they want. I've had customers say they will have to decide not to do business with our company, on rare occasions, and yet still thank me afterwards.

I try to do that too, probably moreso now than I did when I started. When I started in this job, anyone who was angry at me as seen as a threat and not someone I wanted to deal with on any level. Now, at least I've learned to hear them out with a sympathetic ear to the best of my ability, to let them know we are trying to help, to make them feel like they have some options. I have had some successful interactions in doing this. I guess I'm not a complete failure if initially someone is angry at me and then happy in the end (or at least calmed down).

Not all interactions are successful. Some do require the intervention of a manager or even a security guard though.

In my current role, I deal with customers primarily on the phone. In the rare cases where a customer starts cursing rampantly and becoming belligerent, we are allowed to tell the customer that if they continue cursing, we will disconnect the call. Then we can hang up if they are purely rude and not being professional at all. I would imagine it would be more difficult of course if a customer is in your face, and I've dealt with that before at other jobs. I think if a customer is belligerent and cursing, I would just advise them I can't speak with them when they are cursing, and if they continue, then I would call the cops as well. At that point, it's less about someone's issue with our company and more about their emotional recklessness and inability to conduct themselves. Practically speaking, in most business dealing with transactions of less than $5,000, much less in a library like the OP's situation, there's no reason in my opinion to have to curse. I've dealt with customers on the phone who were concerned about $8,000+ deposits going into their bank account, who were very tense to find resolution and I can understand would be a more important phone call. Then again, I've also had customers get upset over a $7 monthly charge and become disagreeable and hang up about something so small as that. When it comes to money, however, sometimes people lose context and take everything personally. Regardless though, like I said, I just don't mind the 'way' a customer expresses themselves and just focus on finding their issue and seeing if I can help resolve it favorably for them.

I couldn't do what you're doing and I greatly envy your skill. The closest thing I have to your situation is handling customers who owe library fines and some get all belligerent when all they owe is a couple of dollars! It's not enough to cause them to lose their checkout privileges. I think it's just the idea that they owe the library money that bothers some customers. I don't think I could handle someone worried about transactions in the thousands, that sounds like a lot of pressure.

I find phone interactions harder than in-person interactions in a way because I can't rely on their body language and oftentimes the voice sounds muffled over the phone. It doesn't help that many of the customers I serve have English as a second language and speak with a strong accent. On the other hand, it is easier to end a transaction over the phone than it is in person if the customer is too belligerent. We do have the right to hang up on overly angry, belligerent customers, especially if they are yelling curse words at us and refuse to stop. On the other hand, it doesn't always seem clear to me enough, at what point do you stop assisting them and insisting they calm down or act more civil before you continue to help them.

P.S. Little nuances in conversation and people skills and phone etiquette are important. Over the past few years, I used to have a habit of saying, 'uh-huh' if I was listening to someone, but I noticed people can take offenses to that - so I trained myself to say 'yes' instead. I never say the slang word 'yup' anymore, but I always say yes. I never say 'uh...' when I'm speaking but focus on my point or sentence and deliver it with confidence. I've refined so many little parts of language and etiquette over the years which I think ultimately do make a big factor in coming across as professional, which helps for gaining the customer's trust in moments that they are very emotional about something. People say I'm 3w2, but I've tested with equal wings and can be 3w4 when I want to be.

I don't typically say 'uhm' but I do say 'yeah' and 'yep.' Maybe I should try using more definitive 'yes.' I never paid close enough attention to that aspect I admit. I have a 3-fix in my enneagram so I do care about how I come across to others and I want to be perceived as successful. It's not my main type and to constantly try to self-promote myself is exhausting.

[Park]

Yeah, maybe "try" doesn't sound confident or definitive enough. It is more honest and accurate though.

Not necessarily.

How do I know for absolutely sure that I'm going to change my behavior successfully? I don't.

Experience, intent, determination, projection.