Examples of Conflictor Interactions

[Beautiful sky]

I'll give an example.

One day our phones went out because of electrical issues and the SLE coworker was asked to help with the phone system. When someone contributes their assistance I have a tendency to complement them by highlighting their efforts so I said (I'll change the name to BOB) "Wow, Bob look at you. You're the phone guy. Nice." What he did was instead of taking this as a compliment of his efforts he laughed saying "wow, Bob. ahahahah" I thought why won't you acknowledge my praise of you? LSE would feel pride, proud of this acknowledgement because they like the attention and being noted. He just ignored me and that made me feel unappreciated for having noticed him. As if it didn't matter. In this way conflict will build because after a while I won't get the feedback that I'm looking for.

[Eliza Thomason]

I'll give an example.

One day our phones went out because of electrical issues and the SLE coworker was asked to help with the phone system. When someone contributes their assistance I have a tendency to complement them by highlighting their efforts so I said (I'll change the name to BOB) "Wow, Bob look at you. You're the phone guy. Nice." What he did was instead of taking this as a compliment of his efforts he laughed saying "wow, Bob. ahahahah" I thought why won't you acknowledge my praise of you? LSE would feel pride, proud of this acknowledgement because they like the attention and being noted. He just ignored me and that made me feel unappreciated for having noticed him. As if it didn't matter. In this way conflict will build because after a while I won't get the feedback that I'm looking for.

Maritsa, I have a SLE son and I will tell you don't look for this from SLE or you will be disappointed! He is not likely to show you that you are appreciated, especially not in any of the ways you'd normally hope for it. Don't try to get this feedback. Just be you, say your little compliment, and don't expect any smile or thanks back! I used to pray, "God, can I please have a compliment?" That's how I'd get my compliment fix if I was starving for that in one of those long difficult stretches i went thought. [meaning, I relax, because I asked, and wait for God to send someone to give me some compliment eventually, and someone would.] Looking for it in my son would not help. In fact, I think the demand makes them hold back. However, he shows me respect and appreciation in unexpected ways when I am not expecting it, and not how I am expecting it, and particularly when I don't ask for it. Asking it or expecting it - I think that's a SLE irritant. I think its like saying, "Where are your soft and nice feelings?? You are supposed to have soft and nice feelings!! You are deficient!!" Because they are in their logical mind a lot, and its like saying, "The way you are is not okay; you need to be more like me." I think for Conflictors its good to see how their Duals are with them and try to play that role a bit. [I got that from something @Jeremy said here somewhere; a good tip...].

Consider that SLE's hidden agenda is "To Be Loved", and they will be not appreciate insincere compliments. So more specific: "Thanks so much for working on the phones. I am glad you are here to do that because I sure never could." might be more what he needs, and does not put him at an obligation to smile, or say "You're so nice" back or anything cheesy. Also, sometimes when people get a compliment they are starved for they are speechless, and want to hide their reaction. Consider that, too.

[Aylen]

Consider that SLE's hidden agenda is "To Be Loved", and they will be not appreciate insincere compliments. So more specific: "Thanks so much for working on the phones. I am glad you are here to do that because I sure never could." might be more what he needs, and does not put him at an obligation to smile, or say "You're so nice" back or anything cheesy. Also, sometimes when people get a compliment they are starved for they are speechless, and want to hide their reaction. Consider that, too.

I agree this is right but SLE can respond very positively if you do it right. They can even be goofy about it. Imagine a puppy scratched behind the ear in just the right way. If you do it wrong they might bite you. haha

[Eliza Thomason]

I agree this is right but SLE can respond very positively if you do it right. They can even be goofy about it. Imagine a puppy scratched behind the ear in just the right way. If you do it wrong they might bite you. haha

Ah! You have the right instincts! I'm envious! I need lessons! I want to see IEI/SLI interact. I keep praying he lands an IEI...

[Aylen]

I'll give an example.

One day our phones went out because of electrical issues and the SLE coworker was asked to help with the phone system. When someone contributes their assistance I have a tendency to complement them by highlighting their efforts so I said (I'll change the name to BOB) "Wow, Bob look at you. You're the phone guy. Nice." What he did was instead of taking this as a compliment of his efforts he laughed saying "wow, Bob. ahahahah" I thought why won't you acknowledge my praise of you? LSE would feel pride, proud of this acknowledgement because they like the attention and being noted. He just ignored me and that made me feel unappreciated for having noticed him. As if it didn't matter. In this way conflict will build because after a while I won't get the feedback that I'm looking for.

First let me say your new avatar is very pretty.

Ok, so I wondered about this because it sounds unlike SLE to dismiss praise unless they found it demeaning in some way. They kind of eat it up if you do it the right way. I just talked to an SLE and told him this as a hypothetical and asked why he would not respond positively to someone saying what you said.

He said the reasons he might not take it well would be tone of voice and whether or not he liked the person to begin with. Also he confirmed that he would not respond well if he thought it was demeaning calling him a phone guy if his skill set was above that. I asked him if that meant he would feel like his rank was lowered and he said yes. I don't know why I asked that but wasn't surprised by his answer.

[Beautiful sky]

First let me say your new avatar is very pretty.

Ok, so I wondered about this because it sounds unlike SLE to dismiss praise unless they found it demeaning in some way. They kind of eat it up if you do it the right way. I just talked to an SLE and told him this as a hypothetical and asked why he would not respond positively to someone saying what you said.

He said the reasons he might not take it well would be tone of voice and whether or not he liked the person to begin with. Also he confirmed that he would not respond well if he thought it was demeaning calling him a phone guy if his skill set was above that. I asked him if that meant he would feel like his rank was lowered and he said yes. I don't know why I asked that but wasn't surprised by his answer.

He did find it demeaning which I found astonishing. Yes my tone of voice was strange and I can't describe it. An LSE would say "right, you're complimenting me" they would get it. But he didn't and it makes it so hard for me to talk to him So hard

[Aylen]

He did find it demeaning which I found astonishing. Yes my tone of voice was strange and I can't describe it. An LSE would say "right, you're complimenting me" they would get it. But he didn't and it makes it so hard for me to talk to him So hard

Yeah don't waste your time on that. He probably decided he doesn't like you for something and will not respond well to you. I would just be civil to him and keep my distance if it wasn't work related. If he does something for you just leave it at "thank you". Otherwise he might hurt your feelings again.