Member Questionnaire 1 (serenata)
What is beauty? What is love? I think there are so many ways to answer this question. Beauty is a perception, an abstract impression. It is fascinating how you can feel an attraction in matters of seconds but you cannot figure out why, no matter how many hours you think about it. According to scientific research beauty is an objective criterion of health, represented by symmetry, vividness of color etc, it can be measured and quantified (e.g golden ratio) On the other hand it can be argued that beauty is indeed on “the eye of the beholder”. When we judge something as beautiful or not we only have our gut reactions to rely upon. Our reaction to it can be skewed by our personal feelings about it. In this sense love can be translated in ‘feelings of beauty appreciation’. In other words we are attracted to what we love.
Love is kind and protective, patient and all encompassing. Love is acceptance and forgiveness. Love can make you weak and irrational, because your whole self becomes depended on the other person’s feelings and well-being. But it’s all worth it just for this feeling of elation that you get when you see them smile. Love can be expressed in many different ways (love languages) but the feeling of love is probably the same for everyone
What are your most important values? ‘Do to others as you would have them do to you’ or even better ‘do to others as they would want them you to do’. People view themselves differently, they play different roles to gain acceptance from the society, their sense of self worth is dependent upon this perception, of course they want this image to be preserved. I try to respect that. I also think that other people’s emotional and physical well being is as important as my one, in the end of the day no one is better that anybody else. ‘People may forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel”, this is another philosophy I live by.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place? I am not attending church regularly, but I really want to believe that there is a higher spiritual power that takes care of us. In times of weakness and uncertainty my prayers to God have given me strength. I feel blessed for the people and the opportunities that have been given to me, I can see how the events of my life have led to something else. Coincidences or fate.. only time will tell
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you? Independence is power. However this is practically unattainable. Mainly because people have needs that are not able to fulfill by themselves. Rendering services is the basis of our economy. Money can buy you food and shelter but not happiness. In Maslow’s pyramid of needs, attaining companionship and belonging is only one step towards self actualization. I feel strong when I know that I have people in my life that have my best interest at heart.
Now for war. There were times in history that revolution was a necessary evil, when people were unable to fulfill those needs. Progress and more humane societies have been achieved through inhumane methods, violence and death. War is a very controversial topic and in today’s society, one can argue that the damage it causes is greater than the benefits it provides and in the grand scheme of things unnecessary, considering that similar results could be achieved through other ways.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why? I’m interested in people. I think that sums it up. I can spend hours analyzing social interactions and behavior. I play conversations over and over in my head and I can remember the details of what somebody said or did years after one encounter. Lately I’m learning about socionics and I’m driving myself crazy trying to figure out everyone’s type. I just need to know how they are thinking and what they are feeling, even if it is just the cashier of a store. Even if I should be doing something boring instead, like paying attention in class.
I love having interesting conversations and I can really keep one going. Somebody says one thing and it reminds me of something else, something random, weird, interesting, witty or insightful. I love spending time with people that can bring out and accept this side of me. My conversations can go on and on for hours, with the right people. I feel physically tired but I don’t want to stop talking to them. Also I don’t want to have long discussions just about one thing, that can get boring really quick. However most of my conversations revolve around the topic of people. When I get passionate about something I’m describing I zone out, other people don’t exist and I’m just verbalizing my thought process. I also love playful banter, it is almost like a competition of who can say the wittiest, funniest, over the top thing, but the prize is making the other person smile.
As you see people are my drug, they can ‘damage’ me, especially when they are too much, but they are my ‘reason for being’
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body? Fascination with these topics has been on and off .I like researching health related topics particularly when they relate to me or people in my life. The medicine subjects more interesting to me are physiology and psychiatry/neurology. As a kid I loved collecting traditional medicine/cooking recipes, though I rarely tried them out. It was more about being able to create something than actually creating it. Like I was the keeper of a secret. I’ve also been interested in different diets, health and beauty regimes.
I’ve always been really bad at sports, at one point I tried to improve upon this, but I soon realized I have no energy or time for that.
What do you think of daily chores? I hate daily chores with a passion. I can do them ok enough but they drain the energy out of me and they take so much time. I love everything around me to be clean and organized, but I’ve never been good at actually achieving it. The funny thing is that when I was a kid I loved taking part in the cooking process and annoying my parents with asking for ingredients, they’ve never even heard of, to create the perfect meal. Now that I actually have to do it, I don’t want to. I also like a minimalistic kind of lifestyle, but I can’t get rid of things that don’t have any real value any more.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome. Since I’ve learned how to read, reading and writing stories have been my main interest. While I was reading, the letters of the page disappeared and I was actually living inside the story, as an observer. I was the type of child that wanted a book as a Christmas present. Then textbooks came and the association of reading books with studying has made me dislike books ever since. Also, with all these fascinating things I can look up online, I don’t want to focus my attention on books or movies. At the moment I have a million tabs open in my browser, and I’m hungry for more and more information even though my eyes hurt and I should be sleeping.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why? Anything can have a strong influence on my mood, people, hugs, music, movies, just thinking about past experiences. My emotions can change rapidly and unfortunately I experience the negative feelings more strongly than the positive ones. It is my brain telling me that something dangerous is happening, I should get out of the situation immediately. Fight or flight if you will. I might be able to hide my emotions but not my reactions to them. For example I struggle with anxiety, shame, fear, low self esteem but I almost never cry. When in the presence of other people I just nervously smile. I once read that many people smile when afraid, and this is to signal that they don’t pose a threat to others and to not get attacked.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging? Only with family and friends I feel confident enough to be my true self. In all other situations I feel guarded and disconnected. Also hugs, that’s a great way to feel connected both physically and emotionally to people. Through a hug you ‘become’ one
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself? I don’t like that I care too much about what other people think of me, I get anxious when my interactions are not positive and I act in ways that have damaging results. My emotions can get out of hand. I hate it when people don’t take me seriously because I’m not strong enough to enforce my opinion or to place a demand. I hate disappointing others , I take everything too seriously and to heart.
I cannot stick to a schedule for the life of me. I am unable to force myself to do uninteresting things, sometimes I cannot even get out of bed. I have no energy, no willpower. I am a procrastinator. And when I finally start studying, I become so meticulous about details, I have to follow a method, to take notes, to condense the essence of pages in just a few paragraphs and then learn it by heart. It just takes so much time and I know it will be hard and exhausting, so I avoid starting studying more difficult material. I am a kind of a perfectionist but I don’t have the capacity and the determination to make everything perfect.
Life would just be happier if we didn’t HAVE TO do things
I also don’t like change, I long for stability in my life and peace of mind. Which is so difficult to achieve, considering I am a Highly Sensitive Person, everything can unsettle me. People have also told me that I’m stubborn and that is hard for me to change my mind
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself? People have told me that I am a good/interesting conversationalist, but this only because I’m so interested in talking to them and figuring them out. My mother says she feels our meetings are psychoanalytic sessions, though I’m not sure if this is good or bad. I think I’m pretty good at understanding, empathizing, and responding in an appropriate manner, calming people down and making jokes, eventhough no one laughs at them. I can pick up on feelings, identify hidden motives and figure out how others feel about me and why. I’m also good at explaining things but only when I become passionate about the topic, all the other times I just nervously ramble. I love people so much and others can feel that, they say I’m too nice
In what areas of your life would you like help? Where should I start. When one (I) cannot take care of his/her own being is hopeless and helpless. I can’t accomplish anything.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it. I almost never get bored, mainly because the situations make my feelings change so much that no day is like any other. And yet when I look back it is like nothing has really changed. The only times I become impatient and frustrated is when I’m denied something I really want. Sometimes I feel trapped in bad situations permeated by anxiety and fear. I get anxious every time I have to deal with the outside world, to put energy into doing something that I’ve never done before or I know I’m terrible at. Anytime that I’m likely to get criticized or harmed.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with? I get hurt very easily, even if I can laugh it off, so I appreciate tact in the way people express themselves. Even though some things are better left unsaid. That is also a great quality; knowing what is the right thing to say, in the right way, in the right time. I love people that talk so I don’t have to find conversation topics that will interest them. Small talk, deep conversations, funny remarks everything is awesome. I appreciate so much people that care enough to ask questions and then they respond in a considerate or even original way. People that are not afraid to open up and be themselves, flaws and all, no facades, no hidden motives. I just love people that make an effort, that make the time you spend with them worthwhile. I like people with good feeling and I really don’t mean this in socionics ethics terms.
I don’t like rude, inconsiderate people. People who see others as object to be used. I can’t stand those that criticize or make fun of others, putting them down just to feel good about themselves. Patronizing people, that force you to do things you don’t want to. I hate insults and commands.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner? Hopeless romantic right here! I do want the fireworks, and the butterflies and the fairy tale ending. My ideal partner should be kind, loyal, dependable, strong, polite, caring, giving, protective, supportive, attentive, patient and understanding. He has to take the initiative and be persistent and open about his feelings. An honest declaration of undying love would be much appreciated as well. If he would just say ‘It is okay, let me take care of this’ and then proceeded to cook and clean and fix the electronic appliances, I would give him a hug and love him for ever. In all honesty though, the only real requirement is for someone to love me, accept me and to actually want to spend time with me
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why? My number one concern would be for my child to feel loved and appreciated. My child’s happiness would become my main focus. I could see myself becoming one of those overprotective mothers that shower their kids with hugs and kisses. Although I’m not confident enough in my ability to take care of children, and provide the physical comfort they need in order to actualize themselves and achieve their full potential.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction? Let’s say a friend of mine makes a racist comment. I feel sorry for them feeling this way. I try to understand what kind of situations have led them to come to such a conclusion. I sense that behind it exist feelings of fear for the unknown, maybe some bad past experiences. My outward reaction really depends on the situation, the way they made the comment, if they really meant it or they were joking, their emotions and personality, the way they are likely to react and how strongly I feel about what they said , even my mood at that day. I’m generally conflict avoidant, but because I go by feelings, I’d probably say something. Of course I would acknowledge their point of view, I would just offer a different perspective in a very polite considerate way.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one. World is an ok place. People have more opportunities to be themselves and pursue their dreams. Of course there are major political, economical, societal problems, I don’t know how much direct control we can have on them. But what we can really make an effort to improve upon is our relationships with other people. Of course there are as many different ways to deal with people as there are people, and in an effort to try to please everyone you’ll most likely end up pleasing none, while simultaneously harming yourself. But I know that many of the problems people struggle with are about interpersonal difficulties. We all at some point put on these facades of being strong and independent, in order to survive in a harsh world. We become scared of revealing weakness, in order to gain respect and not be taken advantage of. Sometimes it is better to be feared than loved right? But in the end of the day it is all an act, an overcompensation, an effort to protect very vulnerable, even primitive feelings, deep down we all need love and acceptance and someone to take care of us. A lot of our problems stem from these very strong ego images, and an inability to see life through the eyes of another person, to walk a mile in their shoes. The images that were supposed to protect us, are actually harming us .They are surrounding us so tightly they keep us separate from the things we really need.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them? I’ve mostly been the friend that started the first conversation, but they were the ones pursuing the friendship and keeping in touch. In this sense they chose me. In theory I’d love to have friends that are similar to myself, I think it would make the interaction easier but I always end up with complementary relationships. My happiest moments include my friends and family. I feel grateful for their love and support. I buzz with energy when I’m with them, I talk too much and I laugh too much and I am too much. I want to make sure they are having a good time, but sometimes I can monopolize conversations and annoy people.
How do you behave around strangers? It really depends on the person, different people bring out different sides of you. I’d say I try to close the psychological distance in a very awkward manner. I’m definitely afraid of social judgment. New encounters keep me on my toes, they make me nervous and hesitating and fearful, but I’m not going to let an opportunity of actually getting to know a new person pass by
Warm appreciations to anyone that read the whole text. I know it was long and I might have repeated myself at some points, sorry for that. What do you think my socionics type is? Is it also possible to tell about subtypes, enneagram and insticts just by reading this? I just started learning socionics, so any analysis as to why I might be a certain type, the thought process that you used to determine it, would be very interesting to me. If I didn’t answer something correctly, I’d be more than happy to clarify. Thank you
Member Questionnaire (serenata)
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And I also think you seem like an awesome person to relate to. Just
Originally Posted by serenata
