I like her a lot.
I just want to mention that I was able to work out, with Myst that the guy was LSI. Not that any of that would have mattered to me at the time. It is funny I thought he might have been my conflictor.
Nothing ever aligned for us. The stars, the moon, the whole universe was stacked against us, from day one, but it didn't stop us from trying. Then we matured and in a way were forced to abandon each other. I wrote a little about it
here. It is both the best and the worst experience of my life, so far, in the realm of romantic love. I consider us to be a modern day tragic love story but I can't go into all the reasons why here. I did consider him to be the epitome of perfection, in just about every way possible, so I was always thinking if I could improve this or that I would one day be worthy of him. One day never came but the years kept passing... Thing is, he said he was happy with me, as I was, but I never felt intelligent enough for him.
I had a suspicion that he didn't want me to be as intelligent as him either. Maybe that was part of the control I allowed him to have over me. I hid my intelligence so he would not feel threatened so I never felt fully accepted by him. I think he had this weird thing about my looks and body type. He didn't want men in his family to meet me because he was afraid they would think about having sex with me. His words.. :/ I guess I felt like he was ashamed of my looks on some level. I was not the girl he wanted to bring home to father. He might have thought I looked too sexual or something but I would have been appropriate. I wonder if he thought I would seduce his male family members. It just seemed so irrational to me. Whatever it was I was not good enough to meet his male family members. That's some fucked up kind of jealousy.
I probably learned more about love from him than any other. I am grateful for the time we did have together, even if it was not always mutually reciprocated but when it was it felt like magic. Usually one of us was always holding back. Maybe that allowed balance in the relationship If we both expressed the same level of intensity at the same time the whole world might have imploded.
After he and I were officially over, and cut our ties, I did go on to love someone else with the same intensity but it was mutual, exclusive, and also a rollercoaster ride. That guy (an SLE) was kind of everything the LSI was but a better version of him. I did love again with as much intensity so don't lose hope, Sometimes I think I would rather go all in, crash and burn than live with a smoldering flame. I have a lot of contradicting feelings about all this.
Edit @<a href="http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/member.php?u=142" target="_blank">bg</a> why is my Myst mention so messed up? I can't fix it.
Grrrr help! lol