limerence

[Creepy-bg]

i keep editing stuff into my posts, sorry if they're becoming disjointed

[jaein]

This is mostly a condition of when the opening to act on the "crush" is there. when you feel blocked from acting (or when i do) it isn't so much of a problem. I think it might come from having relived in your head every interaction with that person (or maybe just key ones) under ever light looking for confirmation or denial, with joy and excitement and intense interest, with smothered longing, and with raw misery and wishing they would just go away forever. your mind has it all filed under every emotion, so it's a mess to try to act on, much less explain to anyone (or yourself ), or god forbid confess to the person you're limerent for.

Thas interesting, I never thought of it like that. Its sad but true. I often wished he would move away to a different school but then my heart would start aching at the thought of it.

* /edit actually, i think i can know that they don't feel that way and still have it. That's when i can get a kind of mellow "okay, it's not happening, they are not into me that way" peace for some months/years, but it can/does come back like it never left when situations change sometimes (like them showing up at your door).

Ggr yes. I have a feeling that I'll never truly be over it.

[Creepy-bg]

@Words: I'm describing how it is when in it, not how i'm feeling at this moment. yes, i've gotten over it somewhat, but not all the way. the patterns are still there to grab me.

[Aylen]

i get limerent towards girls who i know fairly well (as in close friends), or i end up knowing them fairly well (not sure which way that happens), but my judgement on how they feel towards me, whether they know how i feel, and what their intentions are become a messy tangle of remembered indications of yes, no, and maybes to the point where i'm paralyzed with not knowing what and how i should act or feel. it's only in certain situations though, i can function fine with them on another purely friend level (with occasional bouts of being a mess inside of "what if's??" when something could be taken as romantic interest). it's not just shyness or butterflies, it's literally like a cognitive thing of not being able to follow the memories and feelings into a coherent "This is how I feel, and this is how they feel. And this is what each of us wants.*" every indication one way leads into a memory or thought that goes right back the other way. This is mostly a condition of when the opening to act on the "crush" is there. when you feel blocked from acting (or when i do) it isn't so much of a problem. I think it might come from having relived in your head every interaction with that person (or maybe just key ones) under ever light looking for confirmation or denial, with joy and excitement and intense interest, with smothered longing, and with raw misery and wishing they would just go away forever. your mind has it all filed under every emotion, so it's a mess to try to act on, much less explain to anyone (or yourself ), or god forbid confess to the person you're limerent for.

I think this is more than what people mean when they talk about having a crush?

* /edit actually, i think i can know that they don't feel that way and still have it. That's when i can get a kind of mellow "okay, it's not happening, they are not into me that way" peace for some months/years, but it can/does come back like it never left when situations change sometimes (like them showing up at your door).

Thas interesting, I never thought of it like that. Its sad but true. I often wished he would move away to a different school but then my heart would start aching at the thought of it.

Ggr yes. I have a feeling that I'll never truly be over it.

All my memories are making me smile today. I must have done a lot of processing in my dreams.

I don't know if I ever got over it but I did get through it. After all I went through I would never want to forget and I still care about these people. Those few occasions I experienced it were intensely life changing. Yes, even the childhood attachments. I still remember how my school counselor helped me cope after I finally got together with the second boy and realized he was not the same person I had longed for. IOW when I had sex with him the spell was broken and I was totally repelled by him, at first (we became friends later). I was heartbroken that the illusion of his perfection was shattered. He was still physically beautiful but all of a sudden he was just like other teenage boys and not the great love of my life, as I had thought. In his defense he was only 15 but I was going on some kind of ancient memory and I felt gypped. I think it was a soul memory of a past life love. That is how I choose to see it.

I did have healthy relationships with others that overshadowed my limerent love. I have mostly fond memories now so it doesn't hurt anymore. Thanks for making this thread. It reminded me that suffering was truly optional but I so often choose that option. I think this poem by E.E. Cummings sums up my feelings today since I woke up with the urge to read it.

[wacey]

Its sux for sure. Much easier to handle with experience and age, though.

[jaein]

I don't know if I ever got over it but I did get through it. After all I went through I would never want to forget and I still care about these people. Those few occasions I experienced it were intensely life changing. Yes, even the childhood attachments. I still remember how my school counselor helped me cope after I finally got together with the second boy and realized he was not the same person I had longed for. IOW when I had sex with him the spell was broken and I was totally repelled by him, at first (we became friends later). I was heartbroken that the illusion of his perfection was shattered. He was still physically beautiful but all of a sudden he was just like other teenage boys and not the great love of my life, as I had thought. In his defense he was only 15 but I was going on some kind of ancient memory and I felt gypped. I think it was a soul memory of a past life love. That is how I choose to see it.

Sex broke the spell? I might have to try that out... Just kidding. But really,its crazy how we can build up this crazy perfect thing in our minds and in a moment it can all turn to dust. Id like to remove it brick by brick so there isnt this whole mess to sift through afterward. Dismantle my fantasies and turn them into something so realistic and dull that I have no choice but to throw it in the garbage.

I did have healthy relationships with others that overshadowed my limerent love. I have mostly fond memories now so it doesn't hurt anymore. Thanks for making this thread. It reminded me that suffering was truly optional but I so often choose that option. I think this poem by E.E. Cummings sums up my feelings today since I woke up with the urge to read it.

I love this poem. You probably knew your LO on a more personal level than I knew mine, so I will save this poem for someone I feel its true of. Someone who overshadows limerence.

And youre welcome! I couldn't talk to anyone else in my life about this so I decided start a thread. (You guys are unknowingly my therapists)

[jaein]

Its sux for sure. Much easier to handle with experience and age, though.

Youre a veteran will limerence then? How do you handle the onset, nip it in the bud so to speak.

[wacey]

Youre a veteran will limerence then? How do you handle the onset, nip it in the bud so to speak.

You just roll with it, keep your expectations clean and enjoy the ride.