I don't get dual relationships (duality)

[Myst]

Hm I realise one more thing. Somehow some people here misreading all the "transactional" wording assume that viewing things through a rational language must mean selfishness too or something - even when nothing is said about having to maximise one's own benefit only. Nah, such a person can totally be driven by altruistic feelings and put their rationality towards that end of altruism and caring about other people. It's just not gonna be the readily verbalised language i.e. the language used won't be emotionally expressive.

And here's something else. I noticed some more emotional people when they do try to pull in objectivity they become very selfish and cold-hearted so maybe such people assume based on themselves ... Not saying anyone in this thread did, but I've had this kind of misunderstanding with other people too before.

Here, I'm going to quote from an MBTI site. I do not use MBTI and I skip past the mention of "functions" in the following lines but the idea itself is still valid IMO (the bolded part was *not* bolded by me):

"INFJs in a loop are withdrawn and shut people out. When I’ve looped in the past, I completely cut off a close friend who was nothing but wonderful to me, simply because I was busy & our friendship was a lot of work. Not your stereotypical INFJ saint, eh? And the worst part is that toxic Ti’s logic will fool you. It’s hard to get out of a loop because Ti makes the looping make 1000% logical sense. You’ll say to yourself, “Hey, ignoring this person isn’t awful of me, even though she’s going through a lot & needs my friendship. This is just what makes sense. I have to look out for myself.” Wrong! You’re just acting like an asshole. I promise you, I could have handled my shit and also have been a good friend. Ti was just a lot more convenient for me to use in that situation. That’s what I mean by selfishness.

So: You lost your Fe, and Ti’s making all of your decisions, and you don’t like it. You feel trapped in your mind, and often disconnected from your emotions. Likely you feel numb and detached. So what do you do?"

This phenomenon I've seen as existing: a more feely person becomes cold-hearted in a similar manner (regardless of "functions"). And end up being extremely selfish in behaviour while that mode lasts. I imagine it happens because they try to use logic but in an inconsistent way, just when they are feeling negative or something. So yes the logic originally meant to be impersonal, impartial, objective and fair will become extra biased and ends up just serving the negativity.

This of course can and will happen with everyone, inconsistency in keeping to general rules of fairness, or any kind of extra bias by negative emotion, but this phenomenon as described I've surely noticed before. In this phenomenon, some people - who are normally pretty focused on emotional connotations and relationships - become unpredictably cold and selfish. As unpredictable as the negative emotion waves themselves I suppose.

So this may be part of why some people interpret me or Adam the way they have. Because they think that speaking in a less emotional language must automatically mean that type of selfishness.

And nah I'm not even relating this to "type", let alone MBTI INFJ. Jung though spoke of it too, when he said Feeling types will use their inferior Thinking in the manner with logic only being a servant of the feelings. I would go a step further and say that everyone can have their emotions dominate, for shorter or longer times, I guess it totally depends on the person and situation - and then they can have automatic thoughts serving the emotion. In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) a big aim is to work through such automatic thoughts. Since such automatic thoughts are often inaccurate and illogical in actuality. I would say, that kind of automatic thought is much like the quote above or what Jung noted. While there is another mode of operation too available to everyone, where being logical and objective does control feelings and can even go as far as disregarding the feelings even if that's momentarily uncomfortable, but eventually more beneficial.

So then, you can see how that rationality can actually end up very altruistic. If it is able to disregard own discomfort and push ahead anyway with fairness for a goal of benefitting people and not just oneself.