How does one go about courting an ISTj female?
Thanks!
Courting an ISTj woman / LSI female
How does one go about courting an ISTj female?
Thanks!
Say hi to them and tell them they are cute. End of search and effort. They'll ask you out.
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Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
That sounds more like courting an ISTp lol. Be nice to them and they'll consider you their wife.Originally Posted by Maritsa
someday the grapes will be wine
and someday you will be mine
EII-Ne 2w3 - 9w1 - 7w8 so/sx
oh hangon - listen to maritsa. ask them out. be nice and boring. you don't want to mess up their si, or there'll be hell to pay.
I am not Beta, but here is my opinion. It is free, and remember, you usually get what you pay for.
First, she has to be interested in you. Since you are her dual, you might have a hard time being seen, but once seen, just be yourself. If she does see you and is interested, she will study you for a while from a distance. Just be friendly, don't press, but don't wait too long, either. She needs confirmation of your interest. If she shows up around you with a friend, approach them and make it clear that you are interested in her, and could be just friends with her friend. Give her a reason to be close to you. Suggest a drive in the country to see the fall colors or something, or an outdoor concert, She may counter with a better idea. She's going to be very good at a lot of immediate, physical stuff.
Second, when she suggests you take her out or help her with cutting down a Christmas tree with the power saw she keeps in the trunk of her car, or have sex with her, say yes. Don't over think this, just do it.
Third, she will say a lot of very smart, rational stuff. She is not looking for an argument, and anyway it is pointless for 99% of the population to argue with her, because she thinks better than you do. Rather, she is looking for confirmation, emotional support, understanding and a clear path forward. This part should not be a problem for you.
Fourth, it helps to love her. This is easier than you might think, once you get to know her. ISTj's respond very well to clear signals that they are loved. If she is truly The One, and if you can make it clear that you feel this way, you should be good.
Have some Fe fun in their company, but don't try and make a move on them too quickly, I'm pretty sure it completely kills the fun for them. If you're at the point where you can hang out with them frequently and there is some mutual flirting involved, you're probably on the right track. I've asked a few LSIs and it seems that if they're attracted to you and you give them some clear indication that you're attracted to them (preferably non-verbal, but the action should be unambiguous), things will start to move along much more quickly.
I actually love arguments.
That's about right, and yep a clear indication never hurts before I make a move, it's nicer that way, though it's not required, I can deal with the situation without that too when my impatience gets the better of methat is, I will then clarify the situation by taking the initiative.
adam makes things sound so rational
I find it interesting to see how I naturally fall into this kind of behaviour both @Adam Strange and @Narc have recommended around LSIs.
Being a female IEI, I won't "court" an LSI guy (nor girl, I am not gay haha) per se, but I will start to automatically put an emphasis on my Fe use, like laugh more openly more often. It is like I intuitively know they'd like that. And I can usually detect some kind of appreciation for it in their eyes and demeanor, haha. It is fun.
Being an Aristocratic type and SO instinct first, I will get more interested in someone based on the friends they surround themselves with. So, I'll naturally will want to befriend the LSI's (usually female, because Feeling-seeking, duh) friends, because I like them and hence like the guy a bit more too, haha.
Given I am still IEI and an introvert with dominant Ni (subtype), this next step of approaching him and/or the group of friends can be a little bit daunting sometimes. I'll mostly do it only if I am really interested in the guy, have got a great mood on that day, and/or just like the friends so much I would be fine with just being friends with them and not him, haha.
So yeah. The simple formula for courting an LSI (male or female) is: Smile/laugh a lot + be friendly + befriend their friends/get into their social circle + get close = relationship.
Being an EIE, all of that should come rather naturally to you.
Yeah that's the best summary so far along with Narc's.So yeah. The simple formula for courting an LSI (male or female) is: Smile/laugh a lot + be friendly + befriend their friends/get into their social circle + get close = relationship.
Being an EIE, all of that should come rather naturally to you.
lol, that's a strategy i often use when i'm interested in someone, but i'm not so sure about the success rate. it's so much effort and it rarely works out exactly the way i want or i lose interest. i usually attract the wrong people along the way, which i then have to ward off, and then i often think there must be ways to approach someone without having to deal with this whole rat tail of people you don't care about . i mean, i don't think that social blindspots would do it this way, right?So yeah. The simple formula for courting an LSI (male or female) is: Smile/laugh a lot + be friendly + befriend their friends/get into their social circle + get close = relationship.
Being an EIE, all of that should come rather naturally to you.
it's good that this thread comes up, because that's a question i was asking myself. i spotted a cool LSI-Se, then realised that i'm IEI, very bad at pursuing somebody if the person isn't interested in me in the first place and that it never works out with LSIs because both too introverted... too bad ^^ but it's strange, i even got a very light version of duality vibes (or at least what i associate with duality): calming effect when in physical proximity, ease in communication, the feeling that i "steal" the other person's energy (i can perceive an energy flow where our bodies are physically the closest. like if i'm sitting next to them i would feel it first in my arm and then slowly dripping into the rest of my body. it's so weird. what is this? i experienced this very strongly with a SLE-Ti i know, and thought enneagram type or stacking might play a role in this, but now also happened with an LSI with completely different stacking and etype. though, much, much lighter and not as intense. lol, i sound so esoteric, but this "energy" is a real, physical feeling i have) lol. whatever ...
Haha, I experience a similar conundrum.
The regular LSI (no specific subtype; or Ti subtype) usually does not show any clear interest at first. It is like they just look at you, but... nothing more, haha. As an IEI-Ni, this is simply not enough. I cannot do all the work. I will feel awkward if I have to step out of my comfort zone too much. Like, I would have to be way more Fe than usual to get them out of their shell. Being SO dom, I'd fear people around me noticed I was obviously flirting or trying to get to the guy, haha. Which does not help.
Personally, I have not met any LSI with a strong enough Se subtype yet... oh actually, I might have, haha! Okay alright, this was in middle school, and I was simply not attracted to him. But... he would more openly pursue me, I think... Until he got a different girlfriend, haha. (I think? I don't exactly remember.)
Hm, I'd say these are different vibes, because Duality takes way longer to get into a vibe-y stage (in comparison to Activity).
You feel like you "steal" their energy? Sounds rather one-sided to me. Perhaps the guy is actually ESI-Se or something (like, you get their Se but they don't get any Te from you). I'd imagine the energy-flow to be more reciprocal in Activity and/or Duality. I can say for myself, I've experienced very short-lived but strong attractions to ESI guys before. Similar to Activity, starting out rather easily, actually stronger than Activity, but then much sooner fizzling out.
Interesting about this energy thingieNo, no idea what you mean there
Btw I think if he likes you, I think you just need to be welcoming. I would assume Se subtype doesn't need that much help in starting to pursue you
Surely it would help if you tried to do that when other people are not around then?Haha, I experience a similar conundrum.
The regular LSI (no specific subtype; or Ti subtype) usually does not show any clear interest at first. It is like they just look at you, but... nothing more, haha. As an IEI-Ni, this is simply not enough. I cannot do all the work. I will feel awkward if I have to step out of my comfort zone too much. Like, I would have to be way more Fe than usual to get them out of their shell. Being SO dom, I'd fear people around me noticed I was obviously flirting or trying to get to the guy, haha. Which does not help.
Personally, I have not met any LSI with a strong enough Se subtype yet... oh actually, I might have, haha! Okay alright, this was in middle school, and I was simply not attracted to him. But... he would more openly pursue me, I think... Until he got a different girlfriend, haha. (I think? I don't exactly remember.)
Btw I don't really have a problem with IEI-Ni's, I don't really need them to be "waaaaay more Fe" than their usual bit of Fe, their Ni is so strong that it makes me more Se, more initiative taking, almost like an SLE, I think. I like that effect
Say more on what this energy exchanging thing is likeYou feel like you "steal" their energy? Sounds rather one-sided to me. Perhaps the guy is actually ESI-Se or something (like, you get their Se but they don't get any Te from you). I'd imagine the energy-flow to be more reciprocal in Activity and/or Duality. I can say for myself, I've experienced very short-lived but strong attractions to ESI guys before. Similar to Activity, starting out rather easily, actually stronger than Activity, but then much sooner fizzling out.
i think i can feel dual vibes quickly/easily although it doesn't necessarily mean more than an awareness of such. i think it happened yesterday with a stranger for me heh.Haha, I experience a similar conundrum.
The regular LSI (no specific subtype; or Ti subtype) usually does not show any clear interest at first. It is like they just look at you, but... nothing more, haha. As an IEI-Ni, this is simply not enough. I cannot do all the work. I will feel awkward if I have to step out of my comfort zone too much. Like, I would have to be way more Fe than usual to get them out of their shell. Being SO dom, I'd fear people around me noticed I was obviously flirting or trying to get to the guy, haha. Which does not help.
Personally, I have not met any LSI with a strong enough Se subtype yet... oh actually, I might have, haha! Okay alright, this was in middle school, and I was simply not attracted to him. But... he would more openly pursue me, I think... Until he got a different girlfriend, haha. (I think? I don't exactly remember.)
Hm, I'd say these are different vibes, because Duality takes way longer to get into a vibe-y stage (in comparison to Activity).
You feel like you "steal" their energy? Sounds rather one-sided to me. Perhaps the guy is actually ESI-Se or something (like, you get their Se but they don't get any Te from you). I'd imagine the energy-flow to be more reciprocal in Activity and/or Duality. I can say for myself, I've experienced very short-lived but strong attractions to ESI guys before. Similar to Activity, starting out rather easily, actually stronger than Activity, but then much sooner fizzling out.
Yeah... I also find myself instinctively acting this way around guys i'm attracted to.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
There is this one LSI guy who seems to follow this one formula with me! Not exactly, but similarly. In that manner, an LSI might court someone similarly to how they want to get courted themselves, to some degree.
This seems so narcissistic, but I'll have to quote myself to make my point, haha:
Realize that you're dealing with a dense emotional idiot with intimacy issues who needs everything spelled out for them or they throw a tantrum...and go find a SLE instead.
Are you talking to me? Haha.
Even after having studied Socionics, I don't believe I can find happiness with an SLE only.
LSI is still a good option for IEI.
Welcome back, bastard...
Exactly!
LSI-Se 836 Sp/Sx
That's not type related.
But yeah, that doesn't sound like fun, regardless of type.
Last edited by Myst; 12-22-2015 at 01:09 AM.
I checked this thread again for something and noticed this which makes more sense to me now than back then:
That's where Duality with actual Fe base works for them. Mirage with an LIE like Bain is will mean the Ethics functions don't match up and furthermore, they can't help out each other's weak Ethics functions and the relationship will remain too cold, with some conflicts despite the initial strong attraction. This is exactly my experience too from the other side having been with an LIE-Ni before.
Might be it works a bit better when the LIE is the female party and the LSI is the male one. I'm not sure on this one.
Looks like the ENTjs have got the ISTj courting down.
What a pleasant surprise, haha.
^Tested and can confirm that it met with success.
Reason is a whore.
Yeah, this is basically so fool-proof, I usually have to check myself before going into that, because it will be almost certain the interaction ends with a relationship (with mutual attraction) – and it would be a problem if I realized too late I am actually not *that* interested, haha!
I find ISTj's to be pretty spectacular, both publicly and privately. Words that come to mind are intellectually interesting, fun to be with, fun to do things with, admiration of their abilities, good taste in clothes, very strong sexual attraction, comfortable, reasonable, emotionally stable, smart, and fun. Interest level is certainly not a problem, but other things can be. Geographic location, life goals, age difference, etc. Plus, I probably don't offer as much Fe emotional confirmation as they need. Probably.
But the OP would not have that problem. He'd be a natural. He'd still have to align the other things, though.
what about lack of Fe?
So how many times have you tested this supposedly fool-proof approach?
Haha! Let's just say I have not met an LSI guy I've seriously wanted to date yet.So how many times have you tested this supposedly fool-proof approach?
y'know you really shouldn't need to tell an enfj how to court an istj if they are one. just be yourself
charm through Fe delights and pompousness
What @Satan said.
Just be yourself, boo.
The first thing my LSI partner ever heard me say besides "Nice to meet you" was, "Mandy M. was a cunt!" (regarding a high school memory -- and she definitely was a cunt, she was the meanest girl in the school). It was at my best friend's wedding reception. He thought that was ... charming or something. He wanted to find out more about me, so he sat next to me while I was talking to someone else and waited for me to notice him there.
I have a good friend who is LSI (female) and she is pretty easy to get to know, the hardest thing would be finding her when she is actually single because men love her. We also met by sitting next to each other, this time in a class. Like my partner, I've seen her station herself at a social gathering to keep an eye on everything, looking for different people to get closer to. Like him, she would often wait for the other person to notice her, even someone who was a friend. If the person didn't immediately notice, she still wouldn't necessarily move. She would say their name kind of sotto voce and wait for them to come to her.
I have an LSI friend I met because we both got coffee at the same shop every afternoon and sat outside with our kids. Et cetera. I can't think of an LSI I know whom I didn't speak to first actually.
So that's more about meeting. Do you mean "courting" beyond this very initial phase?
They like to talk.
lol, same issues ^^Haha, I experience a similar conundrum.
The regular LSI (no specific subtype; or Ti subtype) usually does not show any clear interest at first. It is like they just look at you, but... nothing more, haha. As an IEI-Ni, this is simply not enough. I cannot do all the work. I will feel awkward if I have to step out of my comfort zone too much. Like, I would have to be way more Fe than usual to get them out of their shell. Being SO dom, I'd fear people around me noticed I was obviously flirting or trying to get to the guy, haha. Which does not help.
what? no, the duals i had strong duality vibes with, it was very clear from the first one-on-one interaction and with activity relations i often don't feel any particular vibes at all (stacking and etype is much more important). but then i feel all kinds of compatibilities (or lack thereof) with several layers when interacting with someone and attribute it to my sx secondary, but what do i know. i wish i could turn this antannaes off sometimes, because it doesn't really help me, i think it would be better not to feel millions of nuances why you don't get along with someone and then feel bothered by it. -.-Hm, I'd say these are different vibes, because Duality takes way longer to get into a vibe-y stage (in comparison to Activity).
You feel like you "steal" their energy? Sounds rather one-sided to me. Perhaps the guy is actually ESI-Se or something (like, you get their Se but they don't get any Te from you). I'd imagine the energy-flow to be more reciprocal in Activity and/or Duality. I can say for myself, I've experienced very short-lived but strong attractions to ESI guys before. Similar to Activity, starting out rather easily, actually stronger than Activity, but then much sooner fizzling out.
yes, this energy stealing is very one-sided and i wonder whether the other person actually notices it when someone steals their "life energy" from them. it's so weird. the guy is definitely LSI not ESI and i have neither experienced this with SEEs (no matter what subtype) nor with ESIs. and i'm drawn to ESIs all the time (as people in general, not romantically) ^^ ...
Oh okay, fair enough.
What Enneagram types do you "vibe with" the best/strongest? Especially in regards to LSIs (to sort of come back to the topic of this thread haha).
eh, i'm not too sure, because figuring out someone's enneagram type takes me the longest, so i often i do not know. but all my friends are e4s, i like 8w7s because i immediately get the feeling to "toughen up and go live life", lol. i know one LSI with that type and i always liked his presence. i'm always (unfairly) suspicious of e9s (they seem way too peaceful, it must be a lie ... lol ) and the 9w8 LSIs (Ti subtype) i know often fall completely under my radar, even after several interactions where we end up on semi-friendship-y terms, at some point i realise: "wait a minute, you're Ni valuing?" lol. and there's a type of LSI i cannot place at all, very intellectual and in their heads, but also somehow rigid. not sure which type these are. from afar they are interesting, but in personal interaction they feel a bit draining.
it's kind of curious that there are mostly iei's and entj's in here, which both tend to lack strong fe as an undercurrent. iei-fe can be pretty fe, but it's still not the same as the kind of encompassing fe. hell, i don't even know if iei's have stronger fe than me, just more honed
and i wouldn't worry about trying to be "more fe" as over time shit will just shift in the right direction as long as the alignment is right. you don't need to force shit. but eie and ese really need to tone their fe down.
I don't see why
That doesn't really go well as relevant advice in this thread
lack of feI don't see why
heh, i dunno, i think they can use their Fe up on the ISTjThat doesn't really go well as relevant advice in this thread
I actually find 2D Fe isn't that badlack of fe
Yeahh!heh, i dunno, i think they can use their Fe up on the ISTj
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That alone earned him several points, haha. 
