A Summarized review of Hidden Agendas

[Aylen]

I appreciate the SLE explanation especially; I do so want to understand my SLE son, and be supportive in the way that a Mom should be. Those Beta's think so differently from us Delta's. I was anxious, concerned that my son did not attend Mass much at all while he was away this year. I realize he was busy. And it was his only day to sleep in. I also realize ever individual needs to embrace faith for themselves in their own time by their own convictions. But we did attend Mass every week of his life! So I was sad. I expressed this little, and carefully (one or two times), while he was away. But when he was here, before he traveled on to his Dad's where he will live for the next 2 years of college, we were at the table after a meal with others who were being very approving of his choices and progress this past year, of which I am also proud. I then made a comment, "And soon you will be at Mass again, when you realize your greatest inheritance is your Catholic faith." I immediately regretted it because of the look of defensiveness that flitted across his face. I knew then that this comment should have been made in private. I see now, from what yo said, Airman, more of why what I said there was inappropriate and unwelcome. It was his moment of reward, after hard work this year, to get the affirmation and approval he deserved. And I took away from it a bit, pointing out what I saw to be a "failure".

[I do regret that! If any SLEs, or an understanding IEI (@Aylen ?) or other Betas can give me a hint on what I could say to take the sting out of my blunder, now that its past, I'd appreciate it!]

Hidden agenda is based on your fourth function, the one that hardly gets satisfied because the other three functions are considered before it. The psyche subconsciously wants it to be satisfied but it is overruled most times. The best way to have it fulfilled is through a partner. To understand how a function would produce a hidden agenda, you must consider how it operates as a primary function.

[...]

When the feeling or ethical function is extroverted (Fe), it places others at the centre of perspective; self and its values are considered last. When considering the needs of self, the perspective is still external; how would "he/she feel"? Because self is listened to or considered so little, the function needs to be looked after by the external world. Therefore, while it is continually focused on others, it needs support and validation from somewhere else, and this can be construed as needing "to be loved".

http://www.socionics.com/advan/comments.html?ioha.html

He does explain the fourth function connection but not sure if I get it. I will have to read more carefully.