ESI-ILE conflict relations (ISFj and ENTp)

[sergeyeva]

Well, I can give you another story of a conflict relationship between an ILE (my husband) and an ESI (our friend). They've known each other almost as long as we've been married, our elder kids are of the same age, etc. So this is a long standing relationship but it had its ups and downs. When they first met they were quite attracted to each other (typical, ah?). ESI saw that ILE was kind, caring, attentive, but also inventive and basically fun. And ESI was seen as, well, just a very good person (kind, considerate, skilled in Si things, hospitable, very good with children - that part particularly impressed ILE). So they've made firends and saw each other quite often but then trouble gradually began. ESI didn't have a job she deserved, so we, two intuitive feeling people, told her that she deserves so much better, she's actually very good and should get a better pay, etc. We thought to inspire and never knew that we only kindled her insecurity with all that talk. And this happened time after time. She would visit and tell us about her problems (mostly money-related, obviously seeking Te advice) and we would start: "Helen, you're so good at this, you underestimate yourself, be a little bolder, let's start looking for a new job, let's write a CV and post it now..." Well, we didn't know much of socionics then I don't know how the poor girl persevered with us, and we did quarrel a little bit and once we quarreled a lot over kids (the proper way to bring up kids), but we are still friends. ILE tries to bite his tongue whenever he's inspired to "show her the bright possibilities", ESI stopped telling him that suits really suit him (he hates suits!) and that he should dress as a bank clerk, we've basically come to terms All it takes is a lot of good will on both sides and a lot of time.

[Beautiful sky]

Well, I can give you another story of a conflict relationship between an ILE (my husband) and an ESI (our friend). They've known each other almost as long as we've been married, our elder kids are of the same age, etc. So this is a long standing relationship but it had its ups and downs. When they first met they were quite attracted to each other (typical, ah?). ESI saw that ILE was kind, caring, attentive, but also inventive and basically fun. And ESI was seen as, well, just a very good person (kind, considerate, skilled in Si things, hospitable, very good with children - that part particularly impressed ILE). So they've made firends and saw each other quite often but then trouble gradually began. ESI didn't have a job she deserved, so we, two intuitive feeling people, told her that she deserves so much better, she's actually very good and should get a better pay, etc. We thought to inspire and never knew that we only kindled her insecurity with all that talk. And this happened time after time. She would visit and tell us about her problems (mostly money-related, obviously seeking Te advice) and we would start: "Helen, you're so good at this, you underestimate yourself, be a little bolder, let's start looking for a new job, let's write a CV and post it now..." Well, we didn't know much of socionics then I don't know how the poor girl persevered with us, and we did quarrel a little bit and once we quarreled a lot over kids (the proper way to bring up kids), but we are still friends. ILE tries to bite his tongue whenever he's inspired to "show her the bright possibilities", ESI stopped telling him that suits really suit him (he hates suits!) and that he should dress as a bank clerk, we've basically come to terms All it takes is a lot of good will on both sides and a lot of time.

Yes I agree that conflict comes out when kids arrive. ESE and ILI conflict relations quarrel a lot too over what information should be transferred down to their children and ESE is often baffled by the wife's emotional guilting the kids to do traditional things and things that don't make them happy on an individual level. You've also provided a good example about the support aspect of conflict relations that make them so attractive initially.

[sergeyeva]

Yes I agree that conflict comes out when kids arrive. ESE and ILI conflict relations quarrel a lot too over what information should be transferred down to their children and ESE is often baffled by the wife's emotional guilting the kids to do traditional things and things that don't make them happy on an individual level. You've also provided a good example about the support aspect of conflict relations that make them so attractive initially.

Well, that's one type of marriage that I could never recommend - a conflict marriage! Revision (or is it control in English?) is difficult enough Have you winessed such a marriage between an ESE and ILI? I don't know many ILI (and none of those I know are female) so I'm not sure why would an ILI condition her kids to follow the rules and traditions? Sticking to the values of the third quadra?
It's unfortunate that conflicting partners are so attractive at first

[Beautiful sky]

Well, that's one type of marriage that I could never recommend - a conflict marriage! Revision (or is it control in English?) is difficult enough Have you winessed such a marriage between an ESE and ILI? I don't know many ILI (and none of those I know are female) so I'm not sure why would an ILI condition her kids to follow the rules and traditions? Sticking to the values of the third quadra?
It's unfortunate that conflicting partners are so attractive at first

Well the ILI says it's selfish for her daughter to not have kids while the ESE says that choice is up to her.

[bolong]

Well, I can give you another story of a conflict relationship between an ILE (my husband) and an ESI (our friend). They've known each other almost as long as we've been married, our elder kids are of the same age, etc. So this is a long standing relationship but it had its ups and downs. When they first met they were quite attracted to each other (typical, ah?). ESI saw that ILE was kind, caring, attentive, but also inventive and basically fun. And ESI was seen as, well, just a very good person (kind, considerate, skilled in Si things, hospitable, very good with children - that part particularly impressed ILE). So they've made firends and saw each other quite often but then trouble gradually began. ESI didn't have a job she deserved, so we, two intuitive feeling people, told her that she deserves so much better, she's actually very good and should get a better pay, etc. We thought to inspire and never knew that we only kindled her insecurity with all that talk. And this happened time after time. She would visit and tell us about her problems (mostly money-related, obviously seeking Te advice) and we would start: "Helen, you're so good at this, you underestimate yourself, be a little bolder, let's start looking for a new job, let's write a CV and post it now..." Well, we didn't know much of socionics then I don't know how the poor girl persevered with us, and we did quarrel a little bit and once we quarreled a lot over kids (the proper way to bring up kids), but we are still friends. ILE tries to bite his tongue whenever he's inspired to "show her the bright possibilities", ESI stopped telling him that suits really suit him (he hates suits!) and that he should dress as a bank clerk, we've basically come to terms All it takes is a lot of good will on both sides and a lot of time.

Lol, good story. I've been fooled by belligerent EIEs pretending to be ILEs (is this common in Russia? It's so common where I'm from, alpha NT-ness is weirdly idolized) so that I really didn't like ILEs for the longest time. But a *genuine* ILE popped into my life recently, and they really are harmless and they try not to be offensive if someone tells them about it. Poor things, the Fi-polr just makes me feel for them. Of course I'm not ESI and I enjoy my Fe-creative meeting their Ti-creative. And I'm very curious to know about your experience of being a supervisor to ILE.

[sergeyeva]

Lol, good story. I've been fooled by belligerent EIEs pretending to be ILEs (is this common in Russia? It's so common where I'm from, alpha NT-ness is weirdly idolized) so that I really didn't like ILEs for the longest time. But a *genuine* ILE popped into my life recently, and they really are harmless and they try not to be offensive if someone tells them about it. Poor things, the Fi-polr just makes me feel for them. Of course I'm not ESI and I enjoy my Fe-creative meeting their Ti-creative. And I'm very curious to know about your experience of being a supervisor to ILE.

Thank you for the comment My experience of being a supervisor to my husband... well, it's a long story, I don't know if I can fit it into a post. We started with a lot of supervision from my side. I knew that basically he's a very good person, kind, thoughtful, etc, and we share the same values (generally speaking, not in the socionics sense of the word). But some of his actions or words would just shock me and then I would either try and teach him proper behaviour or I would start thinking "who's this person? do I really know him? have I made a HUGE mistake?" It took a lot of time and a lot of talk to overcome that. We discussed everything, we talked and talked and talked. Often we would discuss a "problem" deep into the night. But this worked. We are lucky that we can make each other understand. We don't need that much talk now, if any at all Now we understand each other without words.
As for EIEs pretending to be ILEs... Here in Russia it's an established idea that many more people THINK they are ILEs than really ARE that type. Somehow it's very popular. Can't figure why A lot of self-typed ILEs later turn out to be other types.

[nefnaf]

Here in Russia it's an established idea that many more people THINK they are ILEs than really ARE that type. Somehow it's very popular. Can't figure why A lot of self-typed ILEs later turn out to be other types.

Oh wow this just reminded me of a South Korean gentleman. When I met him (through another Korean friend, I was staying there at the time) he immediately introduced himself with his name followed by "ENTP." After half a minute or so I surmised that he was an EIE

[bolong]

Thank you for the comment My experience of being a supervisor to my husband... well, it's a long story, I don't know if I can fit it into a post. We started with a lot of supervision from my side. I knew that basically he's a very good person, kind, thoughtful, etc, and we share the same values (generally speaking, not in the socionics sense of the word). But some of his actions or words would just shock me and then I would either try and teach him proper behaviour or I would start thinking "who's this person? do I really know him? have I made a HUGE mistake?" It took a lot of time and a lot of talk to overcome that. We discussed everything, we talked and talked and talked. Often we would discuss a "problem" deep into the night. But this worked. We are lucky that we can make each other understand. We don't need that much talk now, if any at all Now we understand each other without words.
As for EIEs pretending to be ILEs... Here in Russia it's an established idea that many more people THINK they are ILEs than really ARE that type. Somehow it's very popular. Can't figure why A lot of self-typed ILEs later turn out to be other types.

Thanks for the reply! Interesting to hear about ILE popularity in Russia...