How many facebook friends do you have?

[Satan]

i haven't accepted anyone new in ages, and am thinking of getting rid of people. there's just too much crap.

[Creepy-bg]

I wonder if i'd be annoyed with facebook stuff if i owned a cellphone. it doesn't bother me having notifications from people, even the game ones, I just scroll past them. but if they were popping up on a phone for me to have to look at everytime, i can understand it getting annoying as fuck quickly.

[anndelise]

I wonder if i'd be annoyed with facebook stuff if i owned a cellphone. it doesn't bother me having notifications from people, even the game ones, I just scroll past them. but if they were popping up on a phone for me to have to look at everytime, i can understand it getting annoying as fuck quickly.

Omgosh, I cannot imagine using a cell phone to view fb newsfeeds. Well, I can...it's just horrifying so I quickly stop imagining it.

[Aylen]

I wonder if i'd be annoyed with facebook stuff if i owned a cellphone. it doesn't bother me having notifications from people, even the game ones, I just scroll past them. but if they were popping up on a phone for me to have to look at everytime, i can understand it getting annoying as fuck quickly.

I am going to remove FB app from my phone and tablets. It drains away my battery so when I go to use them they are dead. Plus I can hear it going off when I am trying to sleep.

[Aylen]

I remember a time when my list was less than 50 people. 2008, I think, and everyone on it was someone I felt bonded to, irl. I used to read all their posts and comment and keep track of what they had going on. Never missed a birthday... I left fb for a few years but didn't deactivate. Now and then I would drop in and apologize for missing birthdays, and not keeping up with them. Like everyone on my list would "like" my random post and comment how much I was missed and asked how I had been. I would tell them all the horrors I was going through, blah blah blah. Then my phone would start ringing and we would finish catching up that way.

During this time I also left the group I was part of because I broke up with one of the leaders (who I was living with and it was messy) and got together with another group member. I was no longer one of them and only stayed in touch with those I was closest to and rarely. The comments and likes declined but I was fine with that because it meant I didn't have to be responsible for replying to every single post or comment. Then new people joined the group and started adding me by default since they would read a couple of digests of something that was published about my experience in the group. I was "cool" to have me on their page. I was a bit of rebel and had stirred things up a bit before leaving. I also spoke up about things I didn't like in the group and choose sides of unpopular people, who weren't afraid to point out contradictions and hive mentality. Seems the unspoken rule was that you did not question the authority of the gurus and I did and my closest friends did too.

What the new people didn't get was I had actually had meetups with most of the people they linked to me through. At first the invites would trickle in and then all at once the group must have have had a growth spurt because I would log in every few months to dozens of friend invites from people who were already friends with like like half my friend's list. I no longer felt comfortable posting my life to them and deleted everything personal. At some point I did pair down my list but new people kept adding me. I think some lost interest in waiting and would remove their invites if I hadn't logged in, in months, so I wonder now what was going through their heads. They probably felt rejected.

Then I noticed that the people who always read and commented on my posts had huge friend's lists and probably rarely saw my random posts anymore. That is when I stopped feeling responsible to read all their posts. It was hard enough for me to keep up with a feed that is so random and chaotic so how was I supposed to expect them to. Nothing personal.

I logged in last week to find out that two of my best friends (in my teens) had close family members die. I felt like I walked in the room in the middle of a conversation, and was clueless, since they had made many posts and had many comments already. It was too much to read and I felt really bad. I mean for one I find it hard to "like" posts where they are basically pouring out their heartbreak, in that way, without any positive insight or anything for me to actually like. I am sure you guys have seen it. "My brother died this morning. I am devastated." and below it 50 likes. WTF? I sent them private messages and sent hugs and hearts on their posts. I felt shallow for for putting hearts and hugs on a post about someone dying because we were close and I shared many, first time, experiences with both these girls. Yet, they "liked" my little hugs and hearts, That is why I sent them private messages.

@Lily

[Aylen]

Omgosh, I cannot imagine using a cell phone to view fb newsfeeds. Well, I can...it's just horrifying so I quickly stop imagining it.

I can't do it. All that scrolling and zooming in. Arrgh!

[jessica129]

Most people can keep a social circle of up to 300 people pretty easily -

Do others agree with this? That thought is entirely overwhelming to me. I have a hard time devoting time and energy into one friend LOL

I have 168.

[glam]

I have this intrusive memory that goes something like this: a girl from my highschool friended me once upon a time. . *snip* . . She basically just sort of flashed me a disinterested "who are you" look after that brief flash of recognition you get in the first couple seconds you lock eyes with someone.

your story, and anndelise's anecdotes sounds seriously unpleasant. i can relate to what anndelise said about having people with different religious/political views as friends, and how it can make you second guess what you post - i really don't like that feeling either. i try, sometimes unsuccessfully, to ignore it when i have the desire to post something that may annoy others, because hell, it's *my* FB and if they don't like it, they don't have to read it.

i haven't had any seriously nasty experiences on FB before. though this reminds me of the time when i was in early high school, when MySpace was the primary social media platform - it had the "Top 8 Friends" feature. you couldn't get rid of it, you *had* to choose 8 friends of yours to display here, in a certain order. i hated that, because i was always worried that i was offending *someone* who didn't make the list, or who was lower in the list than they may have thought. so one day i removed the 8 friends of mine who occupied those spots, and replaced them with music bands that i liked lol. it was an attempt to be neutral and inoffensive. of course, it ended up having the opposite effect, when a couple of people who were previously on this list asked me soon after why they weren't on my Top 8 - they were obviously hurt. soon after that, i deleted my MySpace account and never made another one again. i really couldn't deal with that. it was part of the reason i didn't make a FB until 2013 (much later than most people i know).

re: your story, if i had been interacting with someone online intimately, and then they acted like this when we actually encountered each other IRL, i would feel betrayed. i wonder if it's possible that she felt awkward at facing you IRL. it's different than chatting online. (not trying to make excuses for any shitty behavior on her part, you just never know sometimes)

I've heard someone say that they'd give someone "space" if that person unfriended them on Facebook, and not bother contacting them. The thing is that I would not have minded if there was a hand held out towards me, a query as to why the connection broke - but almost no one would even ask. I started to feel that if 200 people wouldn't ask, than 200 people weren't my friends. Which is probably untrue to an extent - I can't expect people to mindread what I'm going if I don't post about my problems, and with a larger friends list many people might not even notice I was gone - but it also just strikes me as a little strange and unfair that someone would hold a grudge for a Facebook defriend without ever even attempting contact with the person. So you want to be friends with me but never interact? You want me as a placeholder in the 277th, or the 777th place? No thx.

idk, i guess this thread is making it clear that people think about FB differently. people i'm FB "friends" with aren't necessarily my close friends IRL, and that's ok with me. i don't expect them to regularly interact with me to want to keep that connection. but from reading this thread, now i understand that maybe those people who defriended me preferred to keep their FB friendlists to people they're actually going to have more significant interactions with, or remain friends with. i don't feel a grudge, it's just more of an unpleasant feeling - one reminiscent of rejection. i wouldn't reach out to those people who defriended me, not out of spite, but because i don't really know what the defriend actually means, or even if *i'm* the one who's reading too much into it. how am i supposed to know whether the person expected more out of the FB connection than i was willing or able to give? the only thing i can know for sure is that they did not value that FB connection enough to keep it: they very deliberately made a choice to remove me - defriending isn't an accident. i worry that trying to reach out to them and asking "why" would just come across as pathetic and/or would make them feel uncomfortable for bringing it up. for all i know, they were relieved at the chance to cut ties with me (probably not, but i have no real way of knowing)

re: being a "placeholder": personally, i don't really care about the number of friends i have, whether it's small or large. it's not a contest or status/popularity thing (though for others it might be). if i'm FB friends with someone however, it almost always means i made that connection for a reason. it doesn't have to be a deep, emotional thing at all - a passing interest in the person is enough. usually i only become FB friends with someone i have met IRL - i feel kind of uncomfortable otherwise. if i really don't want to be FB friends, i won't accept the friend request to begin with. but if a significant connection or relationship is what they're looking for, in many cases they are not going to get that from me - not because i want to be uncaring, but because there's only so much social capital i can expend, going along with what anndelise posted. the people closest to me IRL are the ones who don't need FB to interact with me, generally speaking.

for some reason i want to note that i'm really pretty private on FB. i don't have a ton of photos, i don't post a lot of stuff about my personal life, i don't indicate the status of my romantic relationship/s, etc. i feel uncomfortable sharing these personal things. maybe it has to do with the fact that i have so many acquaintances, people who aren't necessarily close to me? idk, i think i'd feel private either way.

i think instinct stackings might be coming into play here. most of the people responding in this thread might be so-lasts (?), and i'm getting the feeling that there's almost some kind of general disdain here towards having friends on FB for reasons other than maintaining a deeper or significant connection. it's like some people feel "used" otherwise, maybe? i don't personally feel that way, and tbh it's making me feel like kind of an outsider ITT...

maybe making FB friends is not that different from IRL. people expect different things from their relationships and friendships, and it's when these expectations aren't met that misunderstanding and conflict starts.

[glam]

I can't speak for everyone, but if I project disrespect towards those with different Facebook views, it isn't conscious or intentional. I can see how my manner might come across as disdain, ie the "no thx" comment. But I don't actually think that everyone who doesn't share my views uses me or others as placeholders or anything, and I do not want to convey a lack of respect. I find your views, for example, fascinating - but at the same time somewhat puzzling. I appreciate your posts - they are comprehensive, patient, and utterly thoughtful - but I feel as if I have hardly any grasp on your motives or viewpoints other than a cursory, outsider view. So if there are barbs in what I say, they are borne out of frustration, not a desire to wound or to disrespect you. And I agree that it seems there is a larger portion than usual of sx/sps among this forum/thread. But it might be also good to keep in mind that (at least from my POV) there isn't much opportunity to let off steam about such things on other venues, albeit something like a personal blog (which unless you have a lot of subscribers kind of feels like throwing your firstborn into the void) - if I posted something like this on Facebook, I assume it would be weird and create drama. Again, I can't speak for everyone, but as a likely sx/sp, I often feel like the things you are explaining in your posts go completely over my head and the resulting loudness is compensation for feeling disconnected - not necessarily a hive mind of sx/sps waiting to descend on you. I really appreciate your posts and I don't want you to feel like an outsider.

thanks Lily i understand... you're right, i don't need to feel that way... i felt a bit worried about the acute difference i feel between myself and a lot of people in this thread regarding social media behavior... based on people's viewpoints here, it seems like i might come across as one of those people others assume "don't care" about them, based on my own behavior on social media (i feel like i do care in my own way, even if from a distance...) i know that maybe i may come across as unavailable, unknowable... i have an sx-first friend IRL who says that most people don't know me well at all, but they *know* that they don't know me and don't press much - while with her, they *think* they get to know her, but realize later they actually don't, and her relationships can quickly sour after that. she can be polarizing figure whom people either love or hate (i wonder if she's sx/sp after all... either way, i'm one who loves her lol)

so yes, thanks for your post.... i know this forum is definitely a place where people vent and let off steam - it's always been that as long as i can remember - and places like this are much needed. especially when there's so many intelligent, understanding, and good people to listen and get feedback from here (:

[Enters Laughing]

I think I created a facebook account about 2007 or so, to see what it was about, although I had no intention of adding anyone: I ended up having it deleted.

I created a second account late last year I think, because I decided it was a good way of keeping track of my likes in various formats and because it was necessary I thought to have an account to use various apps etc. that I read about from time-to-time (I thought the analytics might be interesting too), and also, in case anyone in my past wanted to find me (no one has contacted me so far, although this may partly be because my profile is set to private and there are no distinguishing details except my name (which is fairly distinct: there are 3 people including me with my name as people would know it)...the photo in the profile is not even me either, although I don't think anyone would be deceived by my 'deception'.

I would find it probably impossible to make friends on facebook if I tried: the whole thing seems too flashy and modern (although in a clumsy 1990s kind of way). I would feel that I have a few levels of facade that would make it difficult for a normal person to comprehend without seeing some deceit, and I would still feel deeply private at some level...it seems far more naturally to me I suppose that I am communicating with someone who doesn't find me repugnant upon first meeting me in the flesh (and I don't mean necessarily in terms of look, although that is a concern to some degree: I mean in terms of vibe: with the vibes I get from a person, it feels easier to know how to nuance my voice a certain way for example, as well as how forward or reserved to be (although these are still mysteries to me somewhat).

[anndelise]

@glam
Regarding being defriended, there's a number of reasons it can happen; from maybe they thought you weren't active anymore, to maybe they thought they were being bothersome to you, etc. I see nothing wrong with asking them. In fact, asking them would let them know that
a) you noticed (which, when you have a lot of friends, noticing they're gone means quite a lot!), and
b) that you cared enough about the connection to try to understand what may have happened.
Yes, it may make someone uncomfortable if they, for whatever reason, just wanted to end things with you (difficult to imagine that in relation to you, personally), but imo the potential reconnection outweighs the potential discomfort.

i think instinct stackings might be coming into play here. most of the people responding in this thread might be so-lasts (?), and i'm getting the feeling that there's almost some kind of general disdain here towards having friends on FB for reasons other than maintaining a deeper or significant connection. it's like some people feel "used" otherwise, maybe? i don't personally feel that way, and tbh it's making me feel like kind of an outsider ITT...

There was disdain in this thread directed at people with lower numbers, enough so that they were accused of not being the socionics types they claim to be. And even suggestions that those with lower numbers are the outsiders. I think what you're seeing is more of a reactiveness to that than actual disdain for what others do with their own fb lists.

This isn't to say that some people might not feel like they're being used simply to add to someone else's perceived popularity. But I think that has more to do with personal expectations, desires, etc, and how the other person seems to be treating them..or not treating them. This, however, would apply to whatever the number.

based on people's viewpoints here, it seems like i might come across as one of those people others assume "don't care" about them, based on my own behavior on social media (i feel like i do care in my own way, even if from a distance...) i know that maybe i may come across as unavailable, unknowable...

Personally, I'd have a hard time thinking that of you. You would likely be one of the people I would keep on my list, as I can't imagine not being curious about you. Even if you don't post anything personal. I would still get to see the times that you've liked/shared something, and that alone would expand my understandings of you...and the world..a bit.

I have one person on my list who only gets on fb maybe once a year.
Another who lives in a town next to me, but we talk only maybe twice a year.
My mother, who I feel close to, doesn't comment or post to anything of mine when she is on (maybe once a month), in fact we generally only talk on the phone maybe 4x a year. She is, however, one of the reasons I signed on to facebook.
I can't imagine deleting any of them from my friends list.

imo, Part of the enjoyment of introverts is that it takes so long to get to know them, and even then I never really feel as if I do. This keeps my curiosity active.

Btw, one of my more active friends that I enjoy very much isn't even someone that I talk with beyond a comment here or there on some meme she posted. Even on the forum here we don't particularly talk to each other. I'm pretty sure she doesn't care much one way or another whether I am her fb friend. But I really like most of the stuff she posts, and I like/share so much of them I worry she might get annoyed by all the notifications of my having done so.

Another friend is a photographer who I've never really conversed with. I'm pretty sure she's unfollowed me, but I don't care. I've enjoyed seeing her photos and hearing about her photography awards, and as she starts getting paid for some of her photos. I'm so happy for her, and rooting for her, and admire her...even though she probably doesn't even remember how we became fb 'friends'.

I mention the above to try to demonstrate that even though I now prefer my numbers to be low, that we aren't all that different. We can care about others without needing to be in intimate nor regular contact with them.

maybe making FB friends is not that different from IRL. people expect different things from their relationships and friendships, and it's when these expectations aren't met that misunderstanding and conflict starts.

Yes, exactly.

[Creepy-bg]

i keep mixing up my reasons for giving likes and constructives. everyone please count them as the same thing. kthx

(i started out just giving constructives to people who answered the question, but this discussion is constructive too so i got confused )

[Creepy-bg]

@the asking about being defriended thing, i've got people in my friends list who i wouldn't be bothered being defriended by, and some who i'd just roll my eyes at. then the people who i give a shit about and I guess with them I'm hurt and wondering but also feel like their defriending me could mean that they needed space and that whatever the reason is for it they couldn't bring themselves to address it with me yet (were too upset or angry). if it's someone i really see as a friend i figure that they'll come back once they've worked it out (or a way to talk about it where it won't possibly be a friendship ending fight where things not really meant were said). I'm totally seeing other people as how i would deal with things, i'll admit that. also, MUST AVOID CONFLICT!!! PP but if i do like you enough to where it hurts i'll probably indirectly (or is it passive aggresively? ) try to communicate my confusion and misery in some way to try to get you to come talk to me. idk it's maybe not the most adult way to deal with it i'll admit but it's what i've got, just being honest.

[ScarlettLux]

839 friends.


Lol.

Edit: This thread has now made me go and edit my friends list -- the thing is, I don't really see a point to doing that really.. all these people I've had some sort of interaction with in the past.. unless something really negative happened, I like knowing they're connected to me somehow .. It's a very obviously social instinct valuing thing.. The only people that don't have facebook are so lasts that I know of (or really dislike it, don't use it much)

But I do think I should trim the fat a little so to speak..

EDIT 2: Tried to go through friends list for a few minutes and gave up lol. I want to keep mostly everyone.

[Aylen]

@the asking about being defriended thing, i've got people in my friends list who i wouldn't be bothered being defriended by, and some who i'd just roll my eyes at. then the people who i give a shit about and I guess with them I'm hurt and wondering but also feel like their defriending me could mean that they needed space and that whatever the reason is for it they couldn't bring themselves to address it with me yet (were too upset or angry). if it's someone i really see as a friend i figure that they'll come back once they've worked it out (or a way to talk about it where it won't possibly be a friendship ending fight where things not really meant were said). I'm totally seeing other people as how i would deal with things, i'll admit that. also, MUST AVOID CONFLICT!!! PP but if i do like you enough to where it hurts i'll probably be passive aggresively trying to communicate my confusion and misery in some way to try to get you to come talk to me. idk it's not the most adult way to deal with it i'll admit, but just being honest.

When my list was small, and mostly members of the group I was in, I unfriended 2 delta females (delta in hindsight) because I was told that they talked about me, to some of my friends, questioning my morals. lol Then when I was around I just felt like a vibe of disdain always being directed toward me even though they were being "nice".

When I mentioned it to some mutual friends (they hadn't talked about me to) those people were all like "it's all in your head, they are nice to you." but I already felt some kind of scorn directed at me, from those two, so I was not convinced. Later those people also caught on to the energy I was talking about. Never regretted removing them. If you talk badly about me behind my back just make sure I don't find out. Doesn't that make sense to anyone but me? Why talk bad, about me, to people (betas) they know actually like me and will tell me what was said. Anyway I felt pleasure while removing them and also giving them the cold shoulder in future interactions. I was not going to pretend I didn't know what was going on.

This thread is cathartic. I am going to go post something transcendental on fb now.

Edit: Also, if they had just told me they thought my morals sucked I could have dealt with it and probably would not have removed them. hahah