People-people vs non-people-people

[Park]

Ok, yes, you're another person on the spectrum. You have for quite awhile realized the benefits, just the how-to's don't come naturally, is what you seem to be saying. I assume the best advice comes from people who know your situations well, yes?

The best advice usually come from people who know me well (not necessarily my situations, but that helps of course) and people I'm drawn to and trust.

But then there're also generalized "how to be nice" ideas, too. Do you find it difficult to trust those sources?

I'm not interested in "how to be nice" ideas, I need social etiquette assistance and help with expressing my intentions accurately through my actions. Regulating boundaries and distance in a more balanced manner is something I probably need to learn, too.

And yes, if I like and respect you, I will take your advice over some generalized ideas from arbitrary sources. Trust is an important factor.

Hm, the type of empathy I mean is being able to put myself in their place (or close enough - there is some guesswork involved). The goal/result is not overlooking the negatives at all but understanding what best to emphasize so as to (either subtly or explicitly) encourage them to not have those unhelpful behaviors. (I'm not above getting third-party advice from others, especially older folks who have been around these blocks.) Depending on how aware I keep myself, that works 80+% of the time. Most of the remainder usually requires boundaries of a cause and effect nature. (e.g. "if you continue to lie to me I will have to have extra verification before I believe you" or "you are toxic to me and you need to leave me alone" or even "I can't count on you to complete your work so you're fired"). There are times when I react overly-emotionally or over-analytically and wreck everything.

You sound like a human being. Congrats.

There's a difference between being evenhanded and fair and being combative and malicious. Sometimes the two get mixed up. And it can actually be really hard to find the balance between justice and mercy - I definitely need to work on that myself.

And why is maliciousness associated or put together with combativeness? They don't have to go hand in hand. They are unrelated essentially.

What I need is something that I won't get. I'm dealing with an unusual (to me) and deep loss, and it's thrown me off. I stopped being productive for a month and a half and now I have a huge backlogged pile of work. If I just had work to do that'd be fine, but the stress of the hugeness and overwhelmingness of the pile paralyzes me...

I understand, I've been there myself. Just hold on and do your best.

Thank you for the tips

I only shared what has worked for me. You're welcome.