How to encourage a depressed SEI?

[Scientist]

It's better to ask for forgiveness vs permission. You should force the situation with his ex, mom, whatever. If it's been six years, it's not possible to simply sit back and watch. Also I would say that there maybe a codependency thing going on here where he is using this issue as a mechanism of control. It might be better to give a very firm response, and then get your self distance and watch what happens with the family. If he's unwilling to reveal to his family/other people, this is perhaps a control mechanism he's using to keep you locked in codependency, blow up the secrecy and make sure everyone around him knows about it.

 

Also as I am a suspicious person, is the disease perhaps entirely fabricated? Do you actually have proof and have you spoken to his doctor?

I should probably give more detail then:

He told me that he might be sick about three years ago (the diagnostics was not completed so there was no certainty). I didn't take it seriously, thought he was just hypochondriac. To be honest I was sure that if someone is serious about stuff like that, they go to the doctor instead of just doing nothing. That's why I was not as persistent with sending him to the doctor. We kept having those conversations about finally seeing a doctor two- three times per year without any progress.

A year ago during my short-term visit I kicked him to do the lab tests which confirmed the condition. The disease is not fabricated, because I have sent him to the clinical lab where I used to work myself. So I actually received his test results with him and did the initial diagnostic interpretation (even though I'm a PhD, not MD). I hoped he was fine and getting lab work done would just bring him relief and we would both laugh at his paranoia. While I was still there, he started visiting a doctor (I have not talked to his doctor myself), but couple of months later (I was already back home) he discontinued.

no codependency. Though he has been sick for six years, I seriously "participated" in that process for only a year. I absolutely have no desire to solve all of his problems for him and constantly hold his hand. I have already started to distance myself from him and he knows it. Might be why he suddenly agreed to see the doctor. I want to do the final attempt to give him the push so that he restores control over his life. And if not, I'll still be his loving friend (probably not as close) and will work on accepting his choice.