Help requested from female INFjs/EIIs

[darya]

Totally -- communication is key And you sound like you go madly in love lol

I do. Not often, but when I do I do. And there's nothing shittier than someone just replacing you if you thought you're in it together. I'm talking about relationships here, not just random one-sided fantasies. I've problems with being vulnerable as it is, so being very open with someone in a supposedly commited relationship and them just lining up others just breaks my heart.

Is he? I thought he wasn't in committed relationship yet with her? Maybe I need to reread.

Isn't he lol? I need to re-read, I might have taken things a bit personally : )

[darya]

I think the way I interpreted what he was saying was that his relationships rarely begin as serious in the high minded romantic sense and so he maintains contact with other girls in case shit goes awry. I don't see much wrong with that if you're not the type who enters into a relationship out of a passionate and romantic impulse. Only when the relationship becomes serious does he give it his all. I'm not sure how the bench girls come into play after that. That's my general impression.

Actually I always keep a certain number of women 'on the bench' so that I can have them if something goes wrong in a relationship. And of course very few people actually know this, just my close friends. And of course no woman should know it. But I really go to hell for a woman, when it comes to a serious thing, I'm able to sacrifice every tiny bit of my muscle and flesh and money. I don't like to let women down. I think I'm probably naive in that, because some have taken advantage of me due to my willing to self-sacrifice for the loved one. And yes I intend to have a serious relationship with her. I don't care one iota about she not appearing perfect to me because I know her all too well, and she's beautiful even if she falls into a pit full of excrement. That's about how far my feeling for her goes.

I remembered – I was merely bitching about obvious disconnect between bolded statements and the underlined, that’s all. And then I got carried away.

[Airman]

I think the way I interpreted what he was saying was that his relationships rarely begin as serious in the high minded romantic sense and so he maintains contact with other girls in case shit goes awry. I don't see much wrong with that if you're not the type who enters into a relationship out of a passionate and romantic impulse. Only when the relationship becomes serious does he give it his all. I'm not sure how the bench girls come into play after that. That's my general impression.

You got the exact right impression then. Every statement quoted above of yours is correct.

[Amber]

Airman, I'm not German and I've been living a different culture for over 5 years ...I must confess I don't identify with anything "collective" (from either country) and I could never argue with "national values" to justify my approach to relationships. Don't tell me I sound German in my posts lol ..whatever you think that means.

By your take on this whole thing, now that I live in Berlin I should attend BDSM parties weekly and polyamory + threesomes should be my rule of thumb ..which is not the case.

[Airman]

Airman, I'm not German and I've been living a different culture for over 5 years ...I must confess I don't identify with anything "collective" (from either country) and I could never argue with "national values" to justify my approach to relationships. Don't tell me I sound German in my posts lol ..whatever you think that means.

By your take on this whole thing, now that I live in Berlin I should attend BDSM parties weekly and polyamory + threesomes should be my rule of thumb ..which is not the case.

That shows your self-typing is correct. ESI... You have your own personal values and guard them, my mother is ESI. There's a complicated relationship with the external society in general, a non-adaptation, but on the other hand you often build some good values yourselves although most people won't agree with them. But you have that Se in egoblock so living in a constant fight for you is not a big deal, it's more your own nature. Just thinking about ESIs.