Help requested from female INFjs/EIIs

[marooned]

To play the gadfly: I would argue that I often times what has been deeply engrained via culture and the strong affects associated with it is sometimes relabeled as "inherent". The inability or difficulty to change such a thing could simply be a matter of how strongly one has integrated such a belief. Strong feelings do not necessarily equate to that which is innate. There's always a possibility that it could be the contrary of course -- I find weighing such things to be interesting. Either way it shouldn't affect what you want or desire. I'm not against your interpretation of love and what you want out of it,

i suppose in that case, if it feels inherent and is just how one works, then it goes really deep and so it is fine to honor it for one's own well-being. i'm not beyond thinking about this in terms of my conditioning. i wasn't well conditioned socially and so i tend towards wariness of others. i am not a people person. anyone i begin to invest in then, it's really rare, and that person has managed to become really special to me. so it will hurt if it turns out i was just a fling or a game or an experiment, or whatever. i find this more likely an explanation for me than my culture. it's kind of like the stray cat who you feed who comes to bond closely to you but runs from everyone else, not trusting them (this was a cat that wasn't socialized to be around multiple people or who was handled less during its formative years as a kitten) as opposed to the cat who knows how to approach virtually anyone with its tale up and says "feed me, pet me, do my bidding" with confidence (obviously a very socialized cat).

i think maybe though this is also just about how serious one is about these relationships. some people have a more casual style with these things, or are less intensely/singularly focused on them? also, i've recently grown beyond my 20s phase of "ROMANTIC LOVE IS EVERYTHING!111!!!!" so i'm not sure what that will bring in future experiences. this change has come with age and with the loss of girlish ideals (which may well have been culturally based). i don't really currently consider myself to have romantic ideals these days. mainly i'm no longer willing to compromise my emotional well-being.

more the imposition of judgement onto others -- which you weren't doing of course.

sarcasm?