EIIs/INFjs and disappointment

[Kim]

I think it's dysfunctional for me but is it dysfunctional for Maritsa or someone else.

You're being controlling if you are telling someone else that it is dysfunctional for them.

When it comes to advice, isn't advice implied control? ie if a partner doesn't follow 'advice' enough they risk being dumped, so I think advice and orders don't necessarily have too much of a difference.

No, advice is not implied control if it's understood that the partner can still make her own decision regarding this issue without being badgered or bullied. I am also not being controlling when I point out that I find it dysfunctional when people try to control their partner's life in a way that takes away personal agency. You can disagree with me on whether or not that's dysfunctional, but your attempts at telling me that I am controlling when I am expressing my opinion is getting a bit tiresome.

[Words]

No, advice is not implied control if it's understood that the partner can still make her own decision regarding this issue without being badgered or bullied. I am also not being controlling when I point out that I find it dysfunctional when people try to control their partner's life in a way that takes away personal agency. You can disagree with me on whether or not that's dysfunctional, but your attempts at telling me that I am controlling when I am expressing my opinion is getting a bit tiresome.

It might be dysfunctional for you, but you've no right to pass judgement on it being so for other people unless you are controlling yourself, in other words, let others do what they want. Who are you to judge?

Edit: judging others in psychology is often seen not about the other person but about the person doing the judging themself. Everyone judges, but considering it is about the person doing the judging themself, I cannot see how it is not about imposing YOUR set of values onto another, despite how tiring you might find it to confront this.

[Kim]

It might be dysfunctional for you, but you've no right to pass judgement on it being so for other people unless you are controlling yourself, in other words, let others do what they want.

People are saying in this thread that LSEs are controlling and I am saying they are not and I am pointing out that, in my mind, controlling behavior is dysfunctional. That is not controlling, that is having a conversation.

[Words]

People are saying in this thread that LSEs are controlling and I am saying they are not and I am pointing out that, in my mind, controlling behavior is dysfunctional. That is not controlling, that is having a conversation.

Did you catch my edit?

Anyway I am saying that all relations have varying levels of control, as does society itself. What's not acceptable to you might be acceptable to someone else, to reiterate that part.

[Beautiful sky]

Did you catch my edit?

Anyway I am saying that all relations have varying levels of control, as does society itself. What's not acceptable to you might be acceptable to someone else, to reiterate that part.

Being controlling is acceptable to me because i can accept a controlling person

[Kim]

Uhhum...so you think. Furthermore you are promoting a rosie version of socionics by the disregard of every lse relational description that says they are

I know they don't.

I have not come across a description that paints them as controlling in the sense you suggest.

Being controlling is acceptable to me because i can accept a controlling person

Fair enough.

[Beautiful sky]

I know they don't.

I have not come across a description that paints them as controlling in the sense you suggest.



Fair enough.

Then read more and I wi post descriptions to help you along on that path in the meanwhile read the one that i posted about making duality work

[Kim]

Did you catch my edit?

Anyway I am saying that all relations have varying levels of control, as does society itself. What's not acceptable to you might be acceptable to someone else, to reiterate that part.

I think I was pretty clear about what level of controlling I am talking about. Do you think it is healthy for a relationship if one partner takes control over the other's behavior/friendships/looks by badgering or bullying or giving ultimatums? That is the type of controlling behavior I am talking about.

[Words]

I think I was pretty clear about what level of controlling I am talking about. Do you think it is healthy for a relationship if one partner takes control over the other's behavior/friendships/looks by badgering or bullying or giving ultimatums? That is the type of controlling behavior I am talking about.

Honestly it's difficult for me to say, some people like relationships with fighting and ultimatums and power play, to define their relationship as healthy or unhealthy calls for some sort of subjective judgement from what I can see.

[purpleowl]

People are saying in this thread that LSEs are controlling and I am saying they are not and I am pointing out that, in my mind, controlling behavior is dysfunctional. That is not controlling, that is having a conversation.

That isn't what I said. I said he protects you from people who use you.

Protection does not equal control in my mind. Respecting someone enough (or not) to allow them to make their own decisions isn't type-related IMO. I'm not saying that an LSE wouldn't have an opinion on the matter, but from there to actually taking the step to dissolve a relationship that isn't his is downright insulting (to me, anyway). If it works for you, great, but please don't question someone's type based on some ridiculous notion like this.