What you are seeing in me isn’t enneagram related with me being “forceful”.. it’s complex ptsd, and if you’d have noticed a pattern, you’d have seen it only happens when I am invalidated and gaslit (two of my biggest ptsd triggers). If you actually look at my line movements, they’re 2 and 1. The whole desperation for attention at the 2 line and giving away to get… And 1 line hyper criticizing and preaching. If there is anything that maybe comes from me being “forceful” when I am triggered in my complex ptsd, it would maybe be John Beebe’s oppositional placement, because cptsd is an unconscious emotional reaction, and at least in my own intuitive grasp, this placement would be the gateway of the unconscious interplays..
Literally me as a teenager engaging classic 4 into 2 line crap:
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...c2a758883346d&
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...50571f0215938&
This is all 4 to 2 > 6 to 3. 6’s under a stress shock would’ve been trying to gain status and compete with others, and display prestige and become active…
A 6 core wouldn’t even have shared some of the things I have about myself online whilst they’re chronically disintegrated into a 3 line, because they’d be hyper-averted on looking professional to keep their support mechanisms in place, and be trying to compete with others for this support mechanism, and take down what ever threatens their way.
Like my histrionic (which is a 2 thing by the way) displaying a broken image of myself with mascara running down my face….
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachmen...9932690c247b1&
No 6 would do that, even with a 4 fix, unless maybe that 6 with 4 was in a group of “their own” people to “protect” them (think like a goth punk group, a lot of those people would be 6’s looking for “their people” to make them stronger and able to express vulnerable emotions so they are protected by their tribe. 6 with 4 would find outcasts “like them” to have as their people for protection of their own insecurity and to be able to express as a group), because the 6 at a 3 line is trying look as professional as possible, and also because they’d fear such a vulnerable display would be “used against them” and make them “prey”. 6 is always scanning for threats. Even how I’ve given my last name, in spite I’ve already been doxxed is anti 6 core.
Also if you don’t see frustration triad in me, you haven’t read enough of what I’ve written.
Something I’d written:
No one on this Earth will ever come close to an understanding me. Not the ones that are so superficially to me close.. My despair, my truths that others cannot see with how they believe me out of their falsified projection… No one will ever know the extent of that which is my endurance.
Anyone who thinks they know will never know just the misery that pits me deep in, with my hopeless idealism that keeps alive. No one would ever care enough to know me, because it’s been this way for almost my life entirety, and I don’t expect them to.
All I can do is spiritually rise, never look down as how do others me, all I can yearn are the truths beyond this Earth.. I expect no one’s care, anymore.
(And it was foolish of me, foolish of me to expect the care from others in a world that has fallen. When most of my fellow men are incapable with their lacking introspection, with their lack of awareness.. Most are unaware they don’t know how love, even those to them, closest.. They just think they do, and maybe is is best such way, since most are in belief and no one hurts.. But the truth is that no one knows how love, and that is why religion is existent to try and set man upon his path towards love.. It is of the goal in being on earth to try and learn how.. And I am foolish for believing this can soon become our global reality).
I don’t need human care when human care is impossible at this time. Yes, I’m ill and the world is ill from this inability care.. And yes, I feel sorry for the human ego being unable, but it’s a life lesson one must realize to be on the other side..
And I do the most selfless thing of a human do; introspect. And others misunderstand because I am more aware from this, and they don’t see, are blinded— and when I point out, I look as liar, look as delusional..
The same way an abused child thinks the abuse normal, the abusive society ingrains this normality, of what is “love”.. When none of this is love. The child goes on to be an abusing adult, or an adult with illness; the ones raised in society go one perpetrating this false love, thinking it is so, not any better of know.. And they sicken one another, they set fire, they breathe in toxic air and so they too exhale this air.
Never having pure air to breathe, they remain unaware of the air impurity. Not knowing what is pure, they cannot possibly know it is impure. Not if they don’t stop to think just why they can’t so well breathe.. And I know they are unaware because they think this is love, what they do.. They think it normal. Even if aware this worldly dysfunction that has long since become, it is just being aware toxin in air exist; not the knowledge the air in which THEY breathe is toxic.
One must always remember love is beyond intent. Love has a creator behind it, intent doesn’t define that love, what originates love does, and if maligned that definition, it is not true. To love is to be in flow of things naturally as are, this world is but this. This world is hate, misery, abuse.
The world changes the nature of one, urges the race to change their innate and of others.
To malign one of their nature is abuse. It also goes against divinity, the ultimate betrayal of oneself and their origin. You’ll never get home if you cannot realize you’re home. YOU are. As in you, how you are.. You are searching for home by your rejection, by your conforming to societal way as it wants you venture as to abandon yourself.. And this is why human minds abuse others, why human minds commit suicide, why the human does to with unthinkable. The sanctity of self is not in place, society not intact for nature to run its course.. The premature making of adult, the altering meds, the eight hour sitting at desk.. Humans don’t have their humanity honored.
This is why so many have abused me for me being on the autism spectrum, as they try change me, as they frustrated at my abnormality.. When I am normal for my own self..
It is not unthinkable things do as when you realize people operate under poisoned air— literal and metaphoric. You are an unrealized energy matter of mind, your synapses generate as you heed my words and are forced think by my brain.
Yes, awareness hurts.. And this is how I’ve been from the beginning of my mind’s activation. This is not a fraction of my mind.. What I’ve said is afar from encapsulating my overall essence, and most would not fathom even if they introspected some.. But I was put as guide on this Earth and I must surrender.. Role. Even though I still crave for the consolation, the holding of hand, the seeing of who I am, my wounds and emotion.
Wishing it all more as I bear to witness the selves misuse.. Away from their true making…
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The curious will give momentary care at what prompted this writing.. Irritated with their subconscious of my continued “negativity”, or for some the matter of me as intellectual case that makes configuration.
It’s not the ongoing war, for I foresaw this six almost years ago with Trump’s presidency.. Knowing nothing of politics, no news following, I foresaw a pompous personality that can strain relation at his release.. And when Covid hit, I knew it would happen amidst this time, the break out, as countries grapple their resources, are vulnerable to attack.. And the soonest that may regain which possesses volatile character will strike.
It is the persistent lack of care I have seen from others; in my life, throughout the world.. The everyday stranger on the street, even, averted on his/her own path. He/she busies too much, the world obscuring his/her own nature with a fast pace go.
It is unrelated to the pandemic, it is unrelated to Sara’s illness, though I have overtime bore witness to just how little western doctors care in an actuality. Most of them.. (And I know why; their nature doesn’t align with being Doctor, money falsely motivates their doctoral entrance)..
It is my own life adversities.. Ones no one ever would believe unless they with their own eye saw.. The root cause of all my “negativity” with my painful dwellings.
You see, you don’t know me. Most of you presumed this was a byproduct of the war, the pandemic, or having see Sara’s sufferings, the most known family adversity of the Soylulars’.
Some will think it a matter of depression disrupting my world view. This is a closer representation, but they will not think of just what has gotten me this thrown into depressive depth.
And I shouldn’t bother with a tell, when it will not matter, the world will not care for what has to me happened.. I have told before, others.. Most didn’t care, and some compared and relayed their own stories to me, as they use me as a symbol to unleash and further their own healing.. Which isn’t inherently bad, given they too are ill. Faced with world where no one realizes with their inability see.. They disbelieve, they invalidate.. And so the hurt ones cry to whomever is able see. And the only ones who see are generally the other hurting..
You are overthrown at your eighteenth turning, no one will give care unless you provide something or they can somehow relate themselves to you. But no one cares TRULY about what legally defines minor in of first places either, the concept was bred in, and fact they only care for minors shows it is just how much they have been controlled by their environment, not even aware that law exists to protect, and all things are to protect because all things are divinely created and deserving love. They would care for no one if there was no survival instinct to protect young, the time of care will depend on when the law will cut off the age, which shows it is influenced by environment to extent, and also that we can use our environment to reinforce more care in our society.
But the day you turn 18 in most places, the world no long we cares.. They didn’t fully care, but now there is almost no care beyond what one can offer to meet the survival need. There is no ethical bounding to help one.. But one must realize the ethics all stem from the instinctive nature which includes survivalism..
The world tells you that you are “free” at 18.. That now all things are your own responsibility, that you are to move out if problems persist. When these all are lie. We are interdependent beings and nothing ever amounts from individual fault. There is no freedom in a world where ones innate nature obscures.
The time to a coming close of when one cares truly is when one is a baby. But it all is based on survival mechanism and the goal is to therefore inadvertently abuse the baby into becoming a workhorse adult and enslave to an abusive way, to neuter them of their true nature.. That baby is destined abuse and is being groomed for it. Its needs met so it withstands the abusive beating as adult and teenager (and as overall in their adolescence, which extends beyond teenaged year, ending at the approximate to on of 24-27 by individual variance. And it was shortened by the fast pace go of our world and the need to make others to en it’s cycle faster and faster, too many born and more work needed. This is historical, which Stanley Hall, founder of adolescence as a concept, even admitted adolescence ends well into the twenties).
The baby becomes a conscious, yet helpless child controlled at the mercy by the adults around.. And forms shape, with their predisposition giving the limitation of what shape it will grow by how far it can bend.. Or perhaps the shape is genetic and texture— how soft, strong, how pointed with danger at its surface, is the environmental product).
The society that so much “loves” children does not so, when all they do is industrialize and prepare them for worldly abuse.
And you thus leave with malnourished adult. Half baked; immature. Riddled with illness, unhealthy stress mechanism, abusive tendency, addiction to the impure. The adults are more unhealthy than the youth.. They are hardwired, not pliable and have less opportunity sift.
And you thus leave with malnourished adult. Half baked; immature. Riddled with illness, unhealthy stress mechanism, abusive tendency, addiction to the impure. The adults are more unhealthy than the youth.. They are hardwired, not pliable and have less opportunity sift. You see more criminal severity in grown ups (not frequency, for youthful delinquency is common concurrence), you see more dire illnesses.. At a generality.
If our society loved children, it wouldn’t industrialize them. It wouldn’t sexualize them in means as Toddlers and Tiaras.. Wouldn’t snatch from caregiver in toddler year.. It would gentle the development, ensure it runs its course so that a healthy adolescent and then adult becomes.
Children only need more protection because they are impressionable to ill growth. And already objective is indeed to make them grow into a one day adult, but a healthy one.. Not rushed out of their childhood.. Not out of tune with their true self and that which is the truth of another.
It is cyclical.. Makes at children robbed of their childhood so they are incomplete adults and then the guarantee of future incompletion— in both child and adult for the time being of the Earth’s turn in cycle. And both lives matter. Not the child’s more than the adult’s, when the child cannot even complete growth without adult intervention, and so the adult role just as much makes importance.
One cannot anger when knowing the truth that an adult fails child out of their own incompletion.. What is an incomplete adult? A child who never grew up.. Awaiting complete so they can enact their adult force. And one must realize everyone partakes role in the incompletion of both children and adults/children who never grew up.
Whilst it is children hurting children ultimately (adult children hurting other adult children and adult children hurting physical children), it is the refusal that society has grew in most, to refuse the true nature of things all. What our bodies were meant consume, what our developmental pace is and not enforcing premature completion or prolonged completion.. One cannot fully be at fault if unaware, but they are at fault for not taking time.. For not honoring what mind and body demand at subconscious.. Their ignore.
The failure of doctor, of therapist, to oversee the true culprit in human illness.
I am despaired.. Being so aware in blinded world.. Aside from my own abusive trauma. For I look delusional pointing out what others cannot see. Their blindness will be until introspection brings. No therapist, sherif, doctor, judge, teacher, no human who is supposed to most know of such things will see unless he/she too is brought introspecting.
What Jung called Ni, introverted intuition, I have. And most have this not.. This gives the allowance to my seeing worldly issue..
No one knows what I deal with upon the daily basis.. How much I have to suffer with being hyper aware, in a world unaware. Riddled with my own maladies and human conditions.. My own trauma, abusive history.. I have not directly said before this, so it is expected the unseeing wouldn’t know unless I were declare.
But as said, I just cannot expect the care. I can’t expect it when they don’t have the foresight, sensitivity.. Recognition of pattern and the introspection. And I was again, a fool to expect others see, come alongside me.. Intuitively grasp just how hard it must be.. How much I’ve suffered to have become this aware.. With my activating adversities and noticing trend outside self.. An egocentric wishing birthed out of a never having had that someone there to see me for all that I am… In a human form.
Egocentricity that has been responsible for all my posting pictures of myself cry, expecting others see, with the direct enforce, even though I being a child, had been unaware of what under-lied my deep psychic persona.
Care is essential for every man to live, but it never will give in this world unless one attains spiritual awareness. And thus, I need stop seeking from those who blind spiritually.. Which is most this world. You guys don’t live, you walk through sinful motion by no fault of your own.. Every human sins, as do I myself.. But I do not malign the innate ways of one’s own. ( I have fought for my own since young as a matter of fact— which got me further abused by even those closest to me. I refused taking psychiatric medication at 13, aware that lack of care was illness causative. Refused wearing bra until 14.. Always told when voice was too loud for my autistic ears, and so on)..
Your sins commit by your limited awareness, with no time taken. With no blessings that inherit to enlighten the fertile mind. Which the divine one just didn’t see it necessary for your needs, and other traits planted.. But you need use those traits for their making..
It is when we align ourselves true, love emanates from our very being and radiates out in love for others and for the divine. The appreciation and usage, the correct flow to ensure health.. All abuse stems from misuse, which anything misuses when not in what intends.
(For those who study typology seeing this, you use that to align your intended purpose. That is what all typology is for at the day’s end. So that we tolerate ourselves and even others and their making)..
Something else I’d written:
This lacking empathy for me has rooted all illness. My soul has sickened, absorbed the energy of a for me disregard. I’ve emaciated from the not being given any care, it’s left void that sucks negatively in.
There is no greater killer than a lack of care. The synapses within brain a direct measurement of social interaction… And so when one is excluded, their brain is left die. All things disconnect, and what’s left is a void in which to fill. Emptiness fills, even if the emptiness is nothing.
No one is capable of true care, anyhow— not until they bring into conscious, instinct. One cares for another out of their own survival mechanism… The chemical release in which makes good feeling. The addiction to those said chemicals. When one says they “care for you”, they mean really that they care about how you make them to feel.
Something only can be authentic if it intends.
The separation of innocence and criminality is intent. It makes a baby innocent from killing, and a cognizant adult killer guilty. A baby who pulls gun his/her parents have left around (without child lock on) and points is at another as they’ve on TV seen has no concept to kill. And an adult who wants kill out of envy, rage… Even if these emotions bear instinct.. If they reflect, premeditate, it is an intended of act.
Any soul who reflects has an awareness of why they are, do as do, is a cognizant creature… But most who claim care are unaware they care for another out of their own need to survive. Some may build with brains more sensitive, more able to release the chemicals in which to “care”, and if merely is to govern survival on this planet. For if no one took to the care, the giving, consolation of another… This world would die out.
And most these people remain unaware of their own role as healer… And they heal to feel good, to have the serotonin and dopamine releasing…
A brain and body make to support whatever enables their survival, condemn that which oppose their own function.
One isn’t aware of why they hate or like another.. Their vessels have fallen prison into the survival ego. And only when one has the realization they’re imprisoned, can they move way to undo. Try find out of…
No one cares about another, nor does one hate another.
Anyone who says otherwise lives in the delusion their brain and body have kept them.
And so my sickness… I was destined to sicken in a world that knows no true care, in a world that believes in the hatred for my autistic liking… And with my own lived in delusion that care and hatred are real in this current world.
Originally Posted by Lady Lunacik
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