sx/sp

[Olimpia]

[Aylen]

My dream, which feels sx/sp to me, and an example of the way my brain interprets my outer and inner worlds into symbolism that I can later analyze and better understand myself with.

I dreamt I'm in an old hotel that was once used as a mental institution. I am a little boy and my family and I are on vacation. Our friends are traveling with us. I feel very sick, my eyes look black and hollow and I am growing weaker… something isn't right. My hair is falling out and I am spitting up blood. My family is concerned. I stop eating then I start to get better. I want to find out what made me sick so I investigate. I discover my friend's mother is putting arsenic in the food. I got a heavy dose because I ate something that had a heavy concentration of the poison. I almost died or I did die. I can't remember.

I can see spirits in the halls and rooms of the hotel. Many are distorted and demon-like. Some look like deformed animals. They lunge at me. I find ways to defeat them over and over. I am no longer a boy. I wonder, was that just a dream? I am still in the hotel and I have all the memories of the boy but now I am a teenage girl. This is another life. I found the boy with the dark, hollow eyes roaming the halls of the hotel. He is at rest now. The demons that haunted him are all in chains. I can see them. They still lunge at me when I pass but their chains are short. They can't touch me.

A man arrives and informs my parents that we must stay at the hotel. I tell him that there are strange things happening there and some of us see demon spirits and they try to attack us but we have found ways to control them. The man explains that we are now the guardians of the hotel. Someone (seems like a brother to me) asks him how we can free the spirits there and the man says the hotel was not built to keep the demons and spirits out. It was built to keep them in. He says that my family has the power to hold them there. It is our destiny. We cannot leave the hotel and we can only release the spirits that are not demonic.

We are living in the hotel and I am getting older (in my 20s). Now I see that there are other spirits there too. The demons torture and harass them. It is my "job" to protect them and to set them free. There is a glass room. Whoever or whatever is locked in the room will manifest their deepest desires or their deepest fears. I trick the demons into the room. I run and they chase me. I lead them into the room. Demons have their own fears. I see them manifest in the glass room and devour them. I want to go in the room but I wonder what I will manifest. I am apprehensive but I wait my turn. The room clears and then I walk in. I wait… nothing… Still waiting… I do not manifest my fears. Is it possible I am not afraid? The room does not discriminate whether it is fear or desire whatever is strongest will manifest. A little girl with long, curly, golden hair starts to slowly manifest in the corner of the glass room. She is 3 or 4 years old. I instantly recognize the girl is me but now I have to be a mother to myself. The room gives me back my childhood. Hmmm that is not my desire. I don't understand why. I have to take care of myself as a child.

The little girl is so precocious. I can hardly keep up with her. She sees the spirits and the demons too. They are excited by her presence. They pull against their chains trying to get at her as she teases and taunts them in a playful childlike way. She is not afraid. I feel an energy in the hotel. It has no form but it is strong. It is trying to lure the girl into a room. I watch as the door opens by itself. All I can see is that the room is pitch black. The little girl wants to go in the room but I grab her by the hand and I tell my sister to seal off the room and that no one is to go in there ever. I do not know what is in there but it does not feel good. My sister takes her hand and waves it over a mirror and a misty fog covers the door of the room. It is sealed. The girl pulls free from my hand and is running and I am chasing her. More demons appear. She laughs as I confront them. They stand between the girl and me. I have no problem defeating them but they are becoming a nuisance and they are not very attractive to look at. The girl leads me into a room and I pick her up and put her on a table. I ask my sister to hold her while I do something but she gets away from my sister. She crawls through a small door (about 2 1/2 feet tall) in the room and I try to convince her to come out but she won't. She says she is going to find her father but I don't want her to. She motions for me to follow but I don't. I manage to pull her out of the door and quickly shut it. I sit against the door trying to catch my breath. My heart is racing.

The scene changes. I am me as I am now… my current age. I have been in the hotel for so long. I want out but I was told I could not leave. I go to the front door and open it. Whoa, I thought I was locked in. I step outside and my black dress is now white. I take a deep breath. Mmmm, I can smell flowers and there is a gentle breeze. I walk away from the hotel. I see a man standing there like he was waiting for something. It is ********… huh? hahahah What is he doing in my dream??? I start running toward him and I jump into his arms and wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. He wraps his arms around me to hold me up. Eeek, I realize I am totally naked and I am self-conscious because there are people all around us but then I quickly decide I don't look too bad naked so it doesn't matter. I start telling him about the little boy, and the hotel spirits and demons. He is smiling at me and I suddenly understand that his attention is not on the story I'm telling. Duh! He starts walking toward a beautiful garden with me still naked in his arms. I wake up.

 

[Aylen]

Silke and Olly both said something that reminded me of this song. I am not even going to try and explain it.




Hair of gold and eyes like stormy seas
You say you love me, want to marry me
And as I'm looking for the wedding ring
You say I don't have to spend anything

Stay with me, we'll be closer than the stars
Sunday I'll be gone

Your dad gave up on you so long ago
Your mother is someone you do not know
You have no money and you still get by
Everything I say makes you cry

Stay with me, we'll be closer than the stars
Sunday I'll be gone
You can wear all the colors that you want
Sunday I'll be gone

What am I supposed to do
Sit around and wait for you
You ask for nothing and you want
Everything

You want to take another photograph
Say it makes you think of me
If it only took a photograph
I think you'd still be here with me

Stay with me, we'll be closer than the stars
Sunday I'll be gone
And you can wear all the colors that you want
Sunday I'll be gone

Yeah, Sunday I'll be gone