***This ended up being longer than i wanted, i just kept writing and thinking
*** looking back on what I just wrote I wonder if what i wrote about is important and placed importance on, that might be telling as well? I don't know.
*** it is in 3rd person because i find it much easier to analyse myself if i imagine it in a 3rd person way.
- tendency for being shy and reserved, somewhat naive
- disorganized, when he tries to take notes ends up doodling, tries to write left handed, etc... gets bored very quickly, but still manages well in school
- used to have a habit to pauses in speech, is very aware of his own speech and the affect it has on others. tries to not use "umms" or "likes" and have stilted/incomplete sentences because he knows he has a strong penchant to do so and has made it a habit to stop.
- often thinks of "wasted time" tries to find more efficient ways to do things, although often detrimental in the end because of lack of discipline
- opens up easily if someone else takes initiative, but only a little bit. after initial opening will take very long time to get any further distance wise
- tendency to be quiet, seems happily shrink in loud, large, social situations,
- socially, very content to defer/submit to someone more dominant, although takes joy in being the dominant one himself if put in that position (i.e. with quieter people or in a new situation)
- if in a position where feels is expected to "carry" the conversation (in a group of other quiet people) then will become quite animated and intrigued, tendency to hate social awkward pauses and tries to fill them up
- laughs often, tends to make light of every situation, will be sure to stay engaged in conversations and very acute awareness to not make other party feel awkward, will often avoid many topics because of self perceived understanding of how the conversation might play out in a bad way
- very perceptive of overall "mood" of a situations, first to notice someone feeling awkward or left out, although will usually not always try to remedy it for fear of looking awkward himself
- keeps others quite distant from himself, has very few people he would consider real "friends" although many consider him one
- not bound by schedules, although deep sense of responsibility and commitment, if make an appointment, will be very sure to arrive there on time and prepared
- feels extremely connected to the few real friends he considers, has a mental hierarchy of friendship
- if want something will obsess over it and will devise creative ways to achieve it
- often will disappear from social contact for a week at a time with no contact with anyone except a very few
- seems to get very energized for going out with friends to parties or bars, socializing, drinking. loves meeting new people esp. girls
- very rarely will take initiative, will not pursue if not very sure feelings are reciprocated
- enjoys feeling like a girl is interested in him and is often extremely perceptive at figuring it out but enjoys playing it dumb, joking and playing for fun.
- but rarely will allow it to get very serious if he knows that he will not become emotionally invested (not worth the time/effort)
- is annoyed by superficial people, people who fake interest, lack of genuineness. he can enjoy the company of a wide range of personality types, but if given a choice will enjoy hanging out with the more gregarious and impulsive crowd. (although he quite enjoys hanging out with his more quiet friends for the chance to be the entertainer) will often compartmentalize his friendships so that no one gets put in awkward situations if bringing them together, often will feel embarrassed for others even if they do not feel embarrassed for themselves.
- is extremely attracted in both friendship and romance to someone with ambition, spontaneity, passion, people who show emotion on their face and in their actions, people who love games and puzzles and having fun in general
- the two-way romantic relationships he has had, he often has a sense of amazement that they ever happen, mostly because he is aware of his lack of taking initiative. in practice, he does approach and pursue in his own way but only after he is assured of mutual feelings, will drop many "feelers", until he knows. must feel intense feelings and often will obsess before breaking through and taking initiative
- feels a deep almost instantaneous emotional connection to the few that manage to get that close to him romantically, although he rarely is equipped to express this
- to others always has an aura that everything is going great, tries to seem unphased by anything, "carefree" (anecdote: when discussing first impressions with his girlfriend (ENFP) was told that the first impression she had of him was that he was quite "shallow, incapable of caring about anything in the way she wanted")
- can cut ties very abrupbtly with a dating partner if not emotionally invested with little trouble, even if other party is. tends towards being slightly emotionally manipulative in relationship.
- breakups are met with a sense of deep guilt, resentment, a period of extreme soul searching. yet in the end are quite final. does not really believe in the ability to get back as is already distrusting and breakup tends to reaffirm his distrust
- finds verbalizing his emotions very difficult, much easier to write them, letters, etc..
- will often imagine grand detailed scenarios and how they will play out, but will not follow through with them
- when he does show vulnerability, he has been shown to be quite emotional, but will quickly will revert back to his normal "mask" thereafter
- does not use social media to publicize anything, views such activities as somewhat attention seeking and beneath him (perhaps a fear of being judged?), seems to not like to publicize his life at all, self conscious over how he is perceived by others, tries to cultivate certain image to others, and is aware of that
- characterizes himself as extremely lazy, always looking for the easiest way to do things, tends to procrastinate put off things to the last minute then in a flurry get everything done adequately, perfectionist
- wishes often he could turn off his inner monologue, envies people who can simply live in the environment
- "ignorance is bliss" is his favorite line