IEI-LSI activity relations (INFp and ISTj)

[betterthan]

I get this all the time.

LOL. Yeah this is what I get sometimes, lol. It's like urh...I can't talk to you if you don't even look at me babes :tongue:. I just want him to be himself!!!(!!!!)!

[Gilly]

Double post edit (damn cell phone -.-)

[1981slater]

The best way to get people to be themselves is to be open about your own flaws and demonstrate that you are ok with "being human."

[Gilly]

The best way to get people to be themselves is to be open about your own flaws and demonstrate that you are ok with "being human." That doesn't mean you have to ramble about your personal pitfalls, but say you make a social gaffe, stutter, drop your fork, etc, just roll with it: look at him and laugh, make a joke, something to make light of it. This shows that you are ok being a bit vulnerable, which establishes (in the context of your rapport with him) that "its ok to fuck up" which will help him to be more natural.

[betterthan]

The best way to get people to be themselves is to be open about your own flaws and demonstrate that you are ok with "being human." That doesn't mean you have to ramble about your personal pitfalls, but say you make a social gaffe, stutter, drop your fork, etc, just roll with it: look at him and laugh, make a joke, something to make light of it. This shows that you are ok being a bit vulnerable, which establishes (in the context of your rapport with him) that "its ok to fuck up" which will help him to be more natural.

Ahh thankyou!

[07490]

The best way to get people to be themselves is to be open about your own flaws and demonstrate that you are ok with "being human." That doesn't mean you have to ramble about your personal pitfalls, but say you make a social gaffe, stutter, drop your fork, etc, just roll with it:

Yea, the social dynamic completely changes when you do this.

[Gilly]

Yea, the social dynamic completely changes when you do this.

lol

[Gilly]

Ahh thankyou!

np

[Ezra]

LOL. Yeah this is what I get sometimes, lol. It's like urh...I can't talk to you if you don't even look at me babes :tongue:. I just want him to be himself!!!(!!!!)!

You know, this may be completely unrelated to socionics - he may just be really shy/not used to dating (sexy) girls (like you).

[betterthan]

You know, this may be completely unrelated to socionics - he may just be really shy/not used to dating (sexy) girls (like you).

Yeah, that will be what it is :wink::wink:.

Haha !

[ladyinred]

Personally, I think something like this is harder for Beta introverts than for Beta extroverts. Okay, so both sets are activity partners, but SLEs and EIEs will always make the first "social" move, which is good for IEIs and LSIs respectively. With the latter two, it's far harder. LSIs might take the lead in bed, or in expressing their desires for someone, but that doesn't mean they will naturally be able to steer the conversation in a way which is satisfactory to both of them. For SLEs and EIEs, there may be clashes based on the shared extroversion, but at least there is always at least one of them who is willing to take the initiative. When I started dating an EIE, we always had something to talk about, which was great. I don't mind making the conversation, because normally the person reacts well (I've talked to an IEI girl before and that was pretty good, albeit it was small talk - we weren't fighting to talk over each other, or make our point, which normally happens when two Declarers get in the room with each other).

There is natural symbiosis between duals when it comes to conversation. They will naturally be comfortable in one another's realm. It's a little harder (but not impossible) with activation partners, but you really do have to just go with the flow and see where you end up. If you're truly struggling for conversation, just throw something out there! The LSI will really appreciate it.

yes very true. there does indeed there seems to be a 'natural symbiosis' between the duals, it is very nice and very unmistakeable once you have experienced it

Just be yourself. Don't try to make the LSI be or do anything overtly - it isn't going to be hard for you to set the tone of the date or anything, but I think LSIs are fairly stubborn folk who don't like to be told what to do. Make conversation, but if you guys are friends, let the LSI talk too - he'll appreciate the opportunity to do so.

Enjoy yourself. Don't try too hard. Just go in with a positive outlook on the outcome, and take it as it comes. And then get back here and describe it in great detail for all us internet voyeurs, lol. Good luck!

very good advice i think!

Just like clouds take on the color of the sky to a degree, LSIs take on the Fe tone around them.

Generally--it works with anyone, really--but an attitude of mutual respect (i.e. really LISTEN to him) and playfulness goes farther with LSIs than any other type... It allows LSIs to open up and be themselves... (A lot of male LSIs, in particular, look macho or whatever, but after they become comfortable and let their guards down, they're very open-minded, deeply caring and loyal...)

Way to bond? genuine interest in/reaction to whatever the LSI is talking about... They can smell phoniness a mile away... So like idolatrie said, just be yourself, you know?

LSIs like to, and are good at explaining why they're doing what they're doing... So, you know, if you listen you will learn a lot... And they will feel satisfied that they are helping you learn.

LSI guys can kind of stonewall sometimes; it doesnt mean hes not interested or doesnt like you, but rather that he feels unsure of how to act. If this happens, just throw something out there: a question about him or a random reaction to the environment will do. Also, if he starts to steamroll you, just butt in; he can probably ramble on about himself or his interests for hours, but odds are he is also a very attentive listener when he realizes its no longer "his turn."

i have observed/experienced this, LSI guys stonewalling, it seems they just need more exposure and more time to be sure they can truly trust and safely let their guard down, then they open up and it is quite lovely

Sooo true. That's an instant turn off and I can't say I'd ever give the time of day to someone that I felt was being insincere to me. That definitely applies to EIEs as well!!!

You are activity relations, so you really just have to be yourself! All the IEIs I've met have made me feel at ease the first time I speak to them....really warm and accepting. I often see their lack of Se and that's what makes me get hooked on them.

My brother is an IEI and we get on best when we do stuff together or watch the tv etc.

The best way to get people to be themselves is to be open about your own flaws and demonstrate that you are ok with "being human." That doesn't mean you have to ramble about your personal pitfalls, but say you make a social gaffe, stutter, drop your fork, etc, just roll with it: look at him and laugh, make a joke, something to make light of it. This shows that you are ok being a bit vulnerable, which establishes (in the context of your rapport with him) that "its ok to fuck up" which will help him to be more natural.

yes! so true, this is just a part of 'being yourself,' showing that you are real, human, vulnerable, and also willing to take a risk in relations by being who you are, then LSI can do the same

[Beautiful sky]

HOW TO BOND WITH AN LSI:

1. Cry infront of them, they like emotions.

2. If he tells you to stop or can't stand you crying, he's LSE.

3. If he ignores you while you cry, he's SLI.

[FDG]

In my experience LSIs are quite sociable. They will rarely try to create emotional distance between you and them (something which, for example, SLIs and ILIs tend to do). Ask them to go drink something and bring them to an "alternative" place, they love to discover "new" cultural things (something I typically associate with beta, but they seem to be particularly enthousiastic about it).

[Jarno]

how do you get them to get crazy and just have fun with you?

Fun?

ISTj-Ti are incapable to do crazy.
ISTj-Se are better capable to do jokes and flirting

But both of them are quite serious instead of fun.

[Ezra]

lmao @ this thread being reopened

[squark]

In my experience LSIs are quite sociable. They will rarely try to create emotional distance between you and them (something which, for example, SLIs and ILIs tend to do). Ask them to go drink something and bring them to an "alternative" place, they love to discover "new" cultural things (something I typically associate with beta, but they seem to be particularly enthousiastic about it).

^ This is true. All of it. I love to be invited out to do things, and to check out new places I've never been before.

Some of the things other people said though. . . just don't ring true at all for me. I'm not a chatterbox, and I hate having to talk about myself. I'll tell stories and share things about myself here and there, but to say, "TALK" and expect me to just jabber on about something, that's just not going to happen. Recipe for weirdness and awkwardness there.

And while I do like emotions, I don't recommend breaking down and crying LOL. POSITIVE emotions are better haha. Someone shows me that they like me, they want me around, and we have fun together - what could be better than that? I feel closest to people when we're having fun, they're relaxed and open around me, unguarded, I'm not feeling pressured, and they let me relax and be me without expectations or judgement. How close we are is really up to the other person.

[07490]

Many of what FDG's post say is true, he just doesn't pull stuff out of his ass, he is probably a good observer to what he experiences.

[jessica129]

I agree with squark

Many of what FDG's post say is true, he just doesn't pull stuff out of his ass, he is probably a good observer to what he experiences.

Do you notice you tend to make very strong statements about types? Just because one LSI does something one way and the other doesn't, doesn't mean one is LSI and one isn't. Kind of makes me mad. People of the same type aren't exactly the same in everything they do.

[Exodus]

^ This is true. All of it. I love to be invited out to do things, and to check out new places I've never been before.

Some of the things other people said though. . . just don't ring true at all for me. I'm not a chatterbox, and I hate having to talk about myself. I'll tell stories and share things about myself here and there, but to say, "TALK" and expect me to just jabber on about something, that's just not going to happen. Recipe for weirdness and awkwardness there.

And while I do like emotions, I don't recommend breaking down and crying LOL. POSITIVE emotions are better haha.

I think Maritsa was just making a bad joke.

[redbaron]

Spent some time with my second cousin and her husband yesterday. She's EIE and he's LSI. They're so great, I love being around them. She would launch into this impassioned story or opinion and he'd sit there listening to her with a silly grin on his face. It was clear how much he loves and enjoys her and our interactions. He sat pretty quietly but you could tell he loved being a part of the larger group. The thing that struck me most though was how relaxed they both seemed. Peaceful. They reminded me of my IEI/SLE brother and sister-in-law. They give off this vibe of contentedness and an ability to let down their hair along with an air of not needing to impress anyone or make anyone like them. They're just... themselves.

[Exodus]

Spent some time with my second cousin and her husband yesterday. She's EIE and he's LSI. They're so great, I love being around them. She would launch into this impassioned story or opinion and he'd sit there listening to her with a silly grin on his face. It was clear how much he loves and enjoys her and our interactions. He sat pretty quietly but you could tell he loved being a part of the larger group. The thing that struck me most though was how relaxed they both seemed. Peaceful. They reminded me of my IEI/SLE brother and sister-in-law. They give off this vibe of contentedness and an ability to let down their hair along with an air of not needing to impress anyone or make anyone like them. They're just... themselves.

That's really cool.

[Computer Loser]

Spent some time with my second cousin and her husband yesterday. She's EIE and he's LSI. They're so great, I love being around them. She would launch into this impassioned story or opinion and he'd sit there listening to her with a silly grin on his face. It was clear how much he loves and enjoys her and our interactions. He sat pretty quietly but you could tell he loved being a part of the larger group. The thing that struck me most though was how relaxed they both seemed. Peaceful. They reminded me of my IEI/SLE brother and sister-in-law. They give off this vibe of contentedness and an ability to let down their hair along with an air of not needing to impress anyone or make anyone like them. They're just... themselves.

[slownumbers]

,

I am going on a date with this ISTj guy :wink::wink:.
How do you help an ISTj relax (he is not relaxed around me at all!), how do you get them to get crazy and just have fun with you?
I'm not sure how...

So ISTjs or anyone who is up on them, please share your experiences :redface

I dated an ISTj woman for a few months. I'd say we bonded well over humor. We'd both be sarcastic and make each other laugh. I'd say try not to think about it too much, just relax yourself and enjoy the date! Have fun :-)

[discojoe]

To bond with me, the most important thing is to "see between the lines." You have to realize that I am not actually so abrasive and assholish, but that I am just not very aware of my body language or the way that my inflections and emotional states affect people. If you make me aware that you see these things and that you still accept me and like me, then I will open right up and talk about anything, as long as you seem interested and inquisitive.

After a bit of this, I will start asking about you, after realizing that we had been talking about me all night. When this happens, you will probably talk about things that I am not familiar with and don't care about. But don't fret! This is right where the bonding occurs, because my normal reaction to such information is to zone out and make my lack of reactivity give out a passive signal that I don't give a fuck.

But not with you. With you, since you've so quickly become someone I really like, instead of writing off what you say as uninteresting, I put it up on a pedestal. Instead of being bored by it, I exalt it, regard it as something amazing, something that makes you impressive. "If it were boring, why would such a cool person be into it? And since I don't really get why it's so cool, she must be extremely smart to see the beauty in it." A bit melodramatic, but that's the general thought process. This kind of communication is how to bond with me: Get into my head, make me think the world of you, then let me into yours. It's like a secret that some awesome person chose to confide exclusively in me.

[ashlesha]

[stray]

Pixar movies and Jager.

Possibly a game of horseshoes.

[Ezra]

I dated an ISTj woman for a few months. I'd say we bonded well over humor. We'd both be sarcastic and make each other laugh. I'd say try not to think about it too much, just relax yourself and enjoy the date! Have fun :-)

Ahaha. Do you realise how out of date you are with this reply?

[betterthan]

I dated an ISTj woman for a few months. I'd say we bonded well over humor. We'd both be sarcastic and make each other laugh. I'd say try not to think about it too much, just relax yourself and enjoy the date! Have fun :-)

Haha ! Oh thank you ! But I now happen to be dating a lovely SLE! And have been for a year

[betterthan]

Ahaha. Do you realise how out of date you are with this reply?

jealous!

[Ezra]

jealous!

[betterthan]

haha what the hell is this? was this here when you were here last ?

...oh yeah

[Ezra]

haha what the hell is this? was this here when you were here last ?

...oh yeah

[Beautiful sky]

I don't believe in subtypes. They all have the same relations, activity.

[Trevor]

Ti with Fe. Se with Ni. Ti and Fe dualize eachother. Se and Ni dualize eachother.

[Trevor]

Which is why it is strange that I like the Ti-LSIs better. Being Ni-IEI shouldn't I like the more extraverted Se-LSIs since they need more help with Ni and me with Se which they have more of?

Yes. Something is wrong here. Is it the theory? Or you? Or what?

Same goes for LIIs, I tend to like the logical subtype better, which is strange.

It's not strange, IMO. Intuitive subtype LII is supposed to be Ne, and Ne is supposed to clash with Ni somewhat, right? That's what the theory says, right? Ni values vs Ne values. Ni values can go with Ti values i.e. they can be found in same type, right? But there is not such a type that values both Ne and Ni, right? .

[Ave]

I don't believe in subtypes. They all have the same relations, activity.

I agree they have the same relations but based on subtypes the type of activity relation would be different. An IEI Ni would more activiating to an LSI, whereas an LSI Se would be less activating to an IEI than LSI Ti, but more stimulating for discussion.

[Amber]

What are your experiences, does it work, what kind of problems have come up except for Rational X Irrational? (non-friendship)

[bolong]

What are your experiences, does it work, what kind of problems have come up except for Rational X Irrational? (non-friendship)

My bf is LSI. He's the only guy I ever made the first move on, and also the only guy who rejected me, bc I hadn't completely broken up with my ex yet. I sort of wanted to drunkenly hook up and see where it went, he firmly said let's wait bc I might really like you and I want to be certain that you feel that way too. I respect him so much for that.

It's been more than a year now, we have a great relationship and I'm the happiest I've ever been with him. I think you have to consider, though, that it's not a "first love" scenario for either one of us. If I had met him a couple years ago, or even in college, we wouldn't be as solid bc back then his priority was getting fucked up with his guy friends and I would have been rather lower down on his list of priorities. On my side I would have been really insecure and jealous probably. We happened to meet at a time when he realized that he should maybe slow down his lifestyle, and I realized that I want someone clear-headed and dependable, instead of heady romance. Not that we don't have any heady romance, though.

Hope this helps. We're not that bad, once someone else has broken our heart already.

[ThisIsKade]

I have a few LSI's that I've known and it's always been such a weird experience because I'm sooo attracted to them (relationship-wise, or just-friends), but they're so serious (especially compared to SLE's). And it seems like we can't ever quite understand each other or get on the same page, even though it seems like we'd be such great friends. Growing up my friend group was me and a guy IEI, a guy SLE, a guy EIE, and a guy LSI. I had close relationships with all of them, dated the IEI and the SLE, but the LSI was the hardest to get close to (even though we nicknamed each other "twinn" and had good times together). I know another LSI now in uni and we always sit beside each other in our classes, but never say a THING. I have tried so hard to get to know this kid, but he is sooo serious and quiet one-on-one. I've even teased him about not ever talking and it's just ridiculous, we've known each other for six months and have had 3 classes together, but I don't even know if we're friends??? Yet he always saves me a seat. wtf haha.

[epheme]

The only LSI I know well is someone I worked with for a few years. We got on very well and always had so much fun together. In fact, when I started learning about socionics I was like "OH! That's why LSI and I love each other!" haha. (because we really had nothing in common and had very different personalities)

When we first started working together we didn't talk much. It probably took about a year for the activity relation to really show. Slowly we warmed up to each other and at some point I realized that he really valued and appreciated me, which of course made me feel great. Especially because as a general rule he likes no one. I get the impression that he thinks everyone is a "dumbass".

I would look forward to going to work because I knew I was going to see him. We just intuitively (not in the socionics sense) understood each other. We were both in management and it got to the point where we would just look at each other from across the room and kind of read each others minds (he would know that I wanted an employee near him to do something specific, or I would know that he was internally making fun of someone, etc).

We got on so well that one time someone that worked with us told me that LSI and I should get married, and he wasn't kidding. I remember thinking then that if we got married it would be such a carefree marriage and likely that we would be very happy. But anyway, that was never to happen because while I could have been into him that way, I wasn't in love with him. And I was waiting for True Love. <----- Corny but true.


So, even though I've never had a romantic relationship with an LSI, I definitely think LSI and IEI can be a very good match that way.

I can go more into detail about the dynamics of the relationship if you're interested but this was a kind of general summary of how positively I view it.