Thank you! So interesting--the onion layers of complexity. Factoring in that ENTj/ESFp's extraversion makes Activation play out a certain way...plus Enneagram types, subtypes, instinctual stackings, plus life experiences, upbringing etc. It's tempting to "pull an INTj" and retreat with this mamoth equation to mull over. However I just don't have the Se nor the Si to get started and tackle all those details to come up with an answer that's merely "in the abstract". Yes Activation is better than most inter-type combinations, yet Stratiyevskaya's description ends in the ESFp cheating on the ENTj just before the wedding haha
Plus the key words in your post: " I WAS married to my Activator..." No judgement!!!, just disappointment
I dated an ESFp in my late teens for several years...loved him deeply...it ended when I leant him my Dad's pickup truck to go to a party while I was working, on the condition he didn't drink & drive or do anything that would involve me having to disappoint my Dad. Then I found out he was driving around with the back of the truck piled full of people and was drinking. It wasn't the party irresponsibility that bothered me most because had it not been my Dad's truck I would have piled in too! It was the fear of tethering my life to someone I couldn't count on to put my needs and vulnerabilities along with his into his own ego. ENTj + ESFp has an underlying element of two pit bulls that love one another and get along...yet you can't shake the fear that if it comes head-to-head, it ain't gonna be pretty!