I know when it comes down to it, my greatest strengths seem to be:
* My ability to be obstinate towards what I feel is right
* Being able to rearrange things to make "negative" things look "positive"
* My ability to hold myself back and remain in control, even when I feel like I'm against overwhelming odds. (I heat up, and need to drink water but I stay focused on the task at hand until completion)
* My ability to use logical persuasion even in high volition arguements
And my greatest weaknesses appear to be:
* Feeling like money can resolve negative situations even if they're not financial in nature: Like as long as I have money, I can deal with situations fine, if I don't have money it's more important to have money than to deal with preexisting situations; although at the same time when I don't have money, I feel like I need to spend money to acquire money creating an even higher need for money than the bare minimum (like I'll eat out more if I'm poor, because it's easier than cooking and allows me to focus on acquiring money more, and food is important in order to be able to make money as if I eat badly I can't work efficiently)
* Reacting against personal attacks, either by "ignoring them", or "wanting to get rid of the other person", or "attacking them" rather than letting go of them.
* Getting stuck in repetitive behavioural patterns and locking, and finding it difficult to step back and allow myself to be aware of the situation from an objective rather than subjective view. This gets a little better with Fi/Ni input from what I can gather. It seems to actually get worse with Te/Se and I can often be really bored with Fe/Ti input ..
* Having poor emotional vocabulary. I can't really define emotional things very well at all. When someone asks me how someone was, I get confused about how I'm meant to respond, or whether they're being overly intrusive.
* Becoming non-verbal, and not stating my real intentions when under high levels of stress. But sometimes ranting incessantly instead about things that aren't actually my intention. (which is "safer")
* Having poor tonal control of my voice, whilst remaining able to "raise" and the intensity of my voice at will. (lowering it is harder mind you it requires trying to apply reverse pressure, whereas raising it just requires increasing output)
General things notice about me:
* I move quickly, with large strides, and sometimes run. Especially upstairs. Downstairs I tend to jump part of the way. When there are obstacles in the way I can get pissed off at them, and either throw them out of the way, or jump over them.
* I tend to look like I have high energy even if I'm standing still. Some people have told me that I could look unpredictable, and that it's hard to know what I'll do or to predict me. Although generally those people "get" me after a while, and realise that I'm not a threat (huh? why'd I be a threat? which is how I got to find out that people found me unpredictable)
* I can talk pretty fast, and overload people. Although in my meagre comparisons with other people, I'm sure that I don't talk as fast as lots of people, it's more that I can progress fast in conversation and apparently I can talk at people, in such a way that it can come across as a kind of verbal assault? Sometimes when I do this people start to get kind of nervous/uncomfortable and move backwards.
* I can come across as being rather pressured, especially if I've been active a long time. This partially seems to relate to difficulty relaxing. And finding it hard to guage my own pressure. I can't really notice this very well unless I have a reference point though - for example when I give someone a handshake I can be quite firm, but I can reduce pressure to their level, and that can help me realise. This happens in situations that I really don't want it to. Like crushing close-friends hands for a moment.
* If people have high intensity around me I often either dismiss them, or match their intensity. And then try to lower intensity and get them to match the lowering of intensity. This can calm some people down but some people are kind of unstable as the lowering happens.
* I can be pretty competitive, and this can mean that some people spontaneously give up in challenges against me without playing, or feel like it's okay to lose against me. I counter this by "playing up" losing, and that can encourage other people to say that they don't like losing, where I can then play the "I like to lose" and how you can't win without first losing. And how it creates a gap in order to win - and go off on some speil basically stating that it's good to lose, and to keep playing. I also believe that it's more important how quickly you get back up after losing, than whether or not you lose. Also, sometimes I purposely lose, especially whilst I'm "guaging" a situation, and I suddenly move to a winning position from a losing position. (like when I was a kid, I'd find myself sometimes being behind everyone else at things, and then suddenly being ahead of everyone else. But it felt like I had to "sustain" when winning, and that it served no purpose, and that it was better to lose. Sometimes I'd find myself purposely doing things that I felt like I was going to lose at, rather than things I was going to win at, because I didn't like the feeling of sticking out too much, because it'd attract undue attention. At the same time, when I was going well, I'd often try to redirect attention away from me because I don't like "holding onto things" because it feels like an undue responsibility or something.
* I often seek out people who are not talking too much, or talking too much, and try to "balance" situations out. And I like harmonious situations where everyone is on an equal stepping. But I can kind of pressure/push people in order to acheive this. And that can come across as being intrusive and not letting people be themselves to some people, usually with kind of strange sardonic tones? Sometimes it can bring up entitlement complexes in other people, and other boring things that I'd rather they just got rid of.
* I often don't reveal much personal things about myself in case they're used against me. And when I do I often use risk calulation/management.
* I can generally get into conversations with most people. But some people can seem to react adversely to me, and seem kind of torn and cynical and start blaming things or making excuses. When this happens, sometimes stepping backwards seems to help, and I kind of just listen to what they have to say, and they start going through some kind of strange transformation where they start convincing themselves of something or other. This seems to relate to people feeling like it's safe to tell me about their insecurities and that they can trust me? But sometimes it goes through this doubt period, or suddenly they decide they can't trust me, and seem to get really frantic and say that I'm making them feel something?
* I can be pretty rigid, and it can be hard for people to change my opinion. This seems to make some people convince me of things. But sometimes, I'm like "I don't care about X" and suddenly they seem to take it personally?
* I can be pretty outgoing, but it's not constant. Sometimes I can't be around people because they're not useful to me at all. Especially if I'm working a lot. But if I'm around easy going people I can switch from work to play mode, and be more outgoing again.
* Generally people tell me that I'm friendly, energetic, and always know what to do. But sometimes they tell me that I'm uncompromising, inflexible, and don't care about the impact I have on other people. Sometimes people actually realise that I'm not really very aware of what impact I have on other people, but sometimes it can be hard to get through to me about such things.
Wow... that got pretty long...
Anyway, the thoroughness of my logic doesn't seem to be as good as ENTj's habitually have. And I can readily admit to this. Although my speed of logic is pretty high - and I can make logical decisions quickly it's generally due to heavy use of simplification, and an awareness of what is likely to work or not based upon a kind of internal feeling of whether or not something feels right. Like tell me to do soemthing stupid, and it'll feel kind of stupid, and so I'll say it's stupid. Ask me why it's stupid, and it an get complicated. Often what I call stupid is things that "don't feel right" or make no sense. This seems to mean I catch other people out pretty easily sometimes because it straight away doesn't seem right, so I can be quite snappy at casting things as wrong. And then I kind of "move" things to where they "feel" right.
Such as when you're interacting with someone, and you kind of shift the conversation to where you want it to go, based upon a feeling of the right direction, but you're kind of just talking based upon the current feeling that you're also going to change, but you don't want to separate words from feeling? (although what I call feeling is raw feeling, rather than thinking feeling .. like I don't like vomit, and if I see vomit it feels bad, but with abstract feelings like "How do you feel about" it gets a lot more complicated. Like "how do you feel about war?" "It's stupid" - it's like low level rather than high level. "And then what's stupid about it?" "It doesn't make sense".
But then if people say like "How does the colour pink make you feel?" then I'm like "Like killing bunnies!" and so it's kind of just whatever comes to me rather than sitting back and trying to conjure up a "higher feeling state" in order to fit it in, and contemplate it.
Wow.. way too long .. okay ...
I need to figure out where to go next in order to get a better grasp on what my real type is Anyone have any real suggestions? I'm not very good at reading. It's too abstract.