People with an Avoidant Attachment Style can feel overwhelmed by the closeness that a partner seeks, especially when the newness of a relationship wanes. Also, as a relationship matures, increased closeness is necessary for it to continue thus challenging the Avoidant’s comfort zone. Their insecurity is more about how relationships will be too demanding and that they won’t have enough "space" in the "relationship.” Out of their history, they don't have the expectation that their wishes, needs, feelings, etc. will be recognized and important. Hence, they often don't have the skills to present their wishes, needs, feelings, etc. to their partner so they keep these inside until they get to a boiling point or to the point of feeling the need to distance to get "space." They are the folks that "close the door" which often inspires their partners to "knock harder" on the door they have closed. Once this has happened, the Avoidant can interpret their partner's escalation as excessive neediness or out of control anger, thus justifying their withdrawal and completely miss the point that their withdrawal is the point of origin. Research indicates that getting the Avoidant person to open the door and step back into the relationship is the only way to shift this dynamic.
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