Weak Se and a question about driving

[Nevero]

i've overhead the following statement from someone who presumably has Ni as a base function: "i hate driving. whose bright idea it was to put something as fallible as a human being behind a 2 ton construction and allow them to accelerate it up to 70 mph? [local highway speed limit]".

would this be an example of apprehension and anxiety caused by weak Se? at first i thought that they are so nervous about driving due to Se-PoLR, but i've also noticed them spacing out and going into some kind of haze and later attempting to make up for it, which seemed to be strong Ni.

do any of the ILIs or IEIs share this sentiment (also LIIs and EIIs, is this kind of anxiety familiar to you)? does driving at high(er) speeds unsettle you? do/did you feel apprehensive about learning how to drive, owning and operating a car?

[ashlesha]

i don't drive and when i'm being totally honest i doubt i ever will want to bad enough to get my license. its so much pressure to learn how to do something right when you could kill yourself or other people in a matter of seconds if you mess something up. ive thought this might be the best argument for me being Se polr. tbh i sometimes think about some of the really stupid people i know who can drive and its frustrating because i know i could if i ever got over the mental hurdle of fear. hardly any of the women i grew up with in my family drive because they are scared or just really bad at it.

[gabrielle]

I'm not any of the types you asked about, but I can see the logic behind why the person said this. Driving takes a ton of concentration to constantly incoming concrete information. One little "human error" in a split second can cause multiple permutations of damage or death. It boggles the mind.

I enjoy highway driving, but only the lesser highways and county roads where I can get a cruising speed, have interesting passing scenery (enough to not put me into a state of zoning out), but also space to get a certain speed which is actually satisfying. I detest city driving because of all the other drivers, hassles, constant near misses, stop and starts, traffic jams, etc. It is jangling on my nerves and taxes my sensory abilities in a horrible way. I have chosen jobs in the past based on not having to commute because I hate city driving so much.

Straight multi-lane highways, freeways and such are also not pleasant to me for anything but short stretches. The monotony feels like a risk for me losing concentration. Driving from Montréal once a few years ago I almost drove into a concrete divider as I dozed off, veered out of my lane and suddenly realized it. Extremely scary moment. I was tired from a long weekend. But, if I'd been going back roads as opposed to a highway, I'd probably have been more alert.

My LSI husband amazes me at his lightening quick reflexes on the road. It's more than just reflexes though. I am quick and have therefore missed getting hit many times, but there have been other times when I haven't. Being able to attend to that much incoming concrete info drains me. Se is my mobilizing. So, I like it in certain ways but not the most skilled at it. Funnily enough, I used to think I was a brilliant and great driver. Fooling myself...

I think I'd actually be happy to get around by horse and carriage.

[Amber]

My LSI husband amazes me at his lightening quick reflexes on the road. It's more than just reflexes though. I am quick and have therefore missed getting hit many times, but there have been other times when I haven't. Being able to attend to that much incoming concrete info drains me. Se is my mobilizing. So, I like it in certain ways but not the most skilled at it. Funnily enough, I used to think I was a brilliant and great driver. Fooling myself...

I think I'd actually be happy to get around by horse and carriage.

My LSI ex could take control of a dangerous situation while driving and make the best of several fractions of a second. He saved us once from getting hit dead by a truck
(after he explained everything to me, I understood what he meant). Apparently I was kind of absorbed in what I was saying during our discussion and have hardly noticed what was on the verge of happening. I mostly noticed his arm got all of a sudden more tense and his face grew still. So well, it's not like I'm always getting wrapped in thoughts or in some content I'm talking about, but without any doubt my reflexes are weaker than his - technically speaking. I don't mean sensing people or contexts that require strategic maneuvering of opportunities or info. Just in situations as the one I described. I attributed this to Se.

[aixelsyd]

Not sure how much of the OP is type related. However, what I have noticed is that sensors typically have a better control of speed and distance. Two Alpha NTs I know are not very consistent with the distance they maintain between cars and are not consistent with speed and don't always slow down as quickly as they should resulting in near fender benders as well as flying through turns. As a passenger, I can feel the lack of control but it doesn't seem to bother them as drivers. But that sort of thing I associate with weak Se. I'm not saying all with weak Se are bad drivers at all, but I don't think someone naturally strong with Se would drive with poor control in that manner unless they are just reckless.

Though I don't own a car and haven't driven as much as others, I do regulate my speed and distance very well, granted I like to keep more distance than less between myself and the car in front of me. I also can feel in my gut if I'm going too fast for the type of road I'm on. I don't care for driving at high speeds, in part because I'm not used to highways or freeways. I don't feel any desire to floor it, to go too fast, or to do anything otherwise reckless. I associate that with immaturity or being an adrenaline junkie more than anything else.

[xerx]

i hate driving. whose bright idea it was to put something as fallible as a human being behind a 2 ton construction and allow them to accelerate it up to 70 mph? [local highway speed limit]

solution: drive a 10 ton vehicle instead. fatalities get experienced by the other car.

[Nevero]

solution: drive a 10 ton vehicle instead. fatalities get experienced by the other car.

lol that will work only once or twice, until others upgrade.

[xerx]

lol that will work only once or twice, until others upgrade.

sounds like the race is on

[Beautiful sky]

Weak Se is not related to ability to drive ability.

[gabrielle]

Weak Se is not related to ability to drive ability.

Able Extraverted Sensing ability seems like it is definitely necessary in order to be a decent driver.


"Extroverted sensing is an extroverted, irrational, and static information element. It is also called Se, F, volitional sensing, or black sensing. Se includes the ability to know how much power, force, or influence is latent or required."

source: http://www.sociotype.com/socionics/i...on_elements/Se


"External Statics of Objects - Se is responsible for the perception, control, defense, and acquisition of space, territory, and control. It observes outward appearances, estimates whether forces are in alignment or conflict, and uses strength of will and power-based methods to achieve purposes. Se understands territory and physical aggression."

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socionics




I would think that the above examples includes knowing when to make real time driving decisions such as to brake, turn, slow down or speed up in relation to ones movements while driving a car. No?

[The Martrix]

I would think that the above examples includes knowing when to make real time driving decisions such as to brake, turn, slow down or speed up in relation to ones movements while driving a car. No?

I was thinking maybe motor skills have more to do with this.

[woofwoofl]

Able Extraverted Sensing ability seems like it is definitely necessary in order to be a decent driver.

"Extroverted sensing is an extroverted, irrational, and static information element. It is also called Se, F, volitional sensing, or black sensing. Se includes the ability to know how much power, force, or influence is latent or required."

source: http://www.sociotype.com/socionics/i...on_elements/Se

"External Statics of Objects - Se is responsible for the perception, control, defense, and acquisition of space, territory, and control. It observes outward appearances, estimates whether forces are in alignment or conflict, and uses strength of will and power-based methods to achieve purposes. Se understands territory and physical aggression."
source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socionics

I would think that the above examples includes knowing when to make real time driving decisions such as to brake, turn, slow down or speed up in relation to ones movements while driving a car. No?

In my experiences, this is why I have a better time driving my old car than the new car; once the power steering went out in the old car, I loved it! I knew exactly, from a hands-on standpoint, what my turns were doing based on how hard I had to pull the wheel. Got me to take it easier on the tires. On that note, the much-thinner tires I replaced my old tires and wheels with made me feel like a previously-invisible veil was lifted off of me, because once again, what the road and the tires and the car were telling me weren't dampened by inches of pillowy, pressurized air; there was no dulling of the ride, and almost nothing separating the car from the realities of the road itself; I felt myself smash every pothole, I felt the grain of the road itself beneath me and whether it was asphalt or concrete, I felt the specific bumpiness of a peeled-up road ready to get paved. A direct and wordless communication existed loud and clear between my body, the car, and the road beneath me. When I pressed on the brakes, the car slowed down in respect to how hard I pushed on the brakes. Driving a new car took all of this away, and I felt like my body itself was blind; the brakes jerked, the ride of the car itself told me nothing at all, it made as much sense to me as walking with my eyes duct-taped shut.

I also suspect my irritation at people pulling their cars up in anticipation of my next move, and who knows what else, to have something to do with a relative underfocus on the intuitive compared to the sensate from me; if I'm approaching an intersection, and I have the right-of-way, seeing a car close the distance between where I'm at and where they're at, going towards me; I see them taking action that brings the cars closer to a crash. Not that my estimations would be right, wrong, or anything after the fact, because the moment's gone when it's gone; I see what I see, I see them coming at me, and I don't want to slam into them with my car, or have them slam into me.

[gabrielle]

I was thinking maybe motor skills have more to do with this.

In my experiences, this is why I have a better time driving my old car than the new car; once the power steering went out in the old car, I loved it! I knew exactly, from a hands-on standpoint, what my turns were doing based on how hard I had to pull the wheel. Got me to take it easier on the tires. On that note, the much-thinner tires I replaced my old tires and wheels with made me feel like a previously-invisible veil was lifted off of me, because once again, what the road and the tires and the car were telling me weren't dampened by inches of pillowy, pressurized air; there was no dulling of the ride, and almost nothing separating the car from the realities of the road itself; I felt myself smash every pothole, I felt the grain of the road itself beneath me and whether it was asphalt or concrete, I felt the specific bumpiness of a peeled-up road ready to get paved. A direct and wordless communication existed loud and clear between my body, the car, and the road beneath me. When I pressed on the brakes, the car slowed down in respect to how hard I pushed on the brakes. Driving a new car took all of this away, and I felt like my body itself was blind; the brakes jerked, the ride of the car itself told me nothing at all, it made as much sense to me as walking with my eyes duct-taped shut.

100% agree with what you've described and love the way you worded it. You captured exactly what I do love about driving. For this reason I only drive cars with tight suspensions and the less computerized bells and whistles the better. I also learned basic car maintenance from a guy neighbour down my street when I got my first car as a teenager. Having that hands on and logical knowledge of how the car works makes a big difference, I think.

[Becca]

Weak Se is not related to ability to drive ability.

Thank goodness you boosted my confidence

[The Martrix]

I got my licence nearly 2 years ago. No car has been forthcoming.

I don't know what type I am, but while I was learning to drive, my instructor noted that my strength was being able to read the road ahead, notice emerging patterns and predict the intentions of other drivers. So, I don't think the ability to drive is necessarily an trait. Actually, strong could be a very dangerous thing indeed. An ESTp used to drive me to work, and I can tell you, he did not shy away from the pedal. My dad has PoLR , and he's never had an accident in over 30 years of driving.

[Radio]

Consistently all the worst drivers I've seen in my life have been INXx types. I don't know if there's a correlation...

[Beautiful sky]

Well my brother SEE recently said to me that he did not trust me with his car knowing how I drive. I did ask him how that was and he couldn't produce enough but to say "like a grandma." Proof is not in the pudding .

[Satan]

Well my brother SEE recently said to me that he did not trust me with his car knowing how I drive. I did ask him how that was and he couldn't produce enough but to say "like a grandma." Proof is not in the pudding .

may you just don't seem confident enough to drive.

[Beautiful sky]

may you just don't seem confident enough to drive.

I lack confidence in it maybe, but I think the results should speak well for how I do. I may not show it to Se ego types what they expect to see to be convinced. I think the hesitations I make when in control of objects that big such as quick maneuvering in and out of lanes would explain his perception of my driving

[Satan]

n

I lack confidence in it maybe, but I think the results should speak well for how I do. I may not show it to Se ego types what they expect to see to be convinced. I think the hesitations I make when in control of objects that big sich as quick maneuvering in and out of lanes would explain his perception of my driving

You talk, and yet I can't hear you saying anything.

mark 8:18

[Capitalist Pig]

may you just don't seem confident enough to drive.

She's just bad at it, as she is with everything else in life. It's kind of sad, I was hoping there might be some redeeming qualities or a marketable skill in her. So far, nothing.

[Kim]

She's just bad at it, as she is with everything else in life. It's kind of sad, I was hoping there might be some redeeming qualities or a marketable skill in her. So far, nothing.

And you feel justified saying this because...?

[Waster]

As a corollary to my post, I realize my hypothesis of and being the best functions for driving would make Beta the best quadra for driving, with both an Fe-leading an Se-leading type, EIE and SLE, and make Delta the worst quadra for driving, with and being weak and subdued, with SLI and EII being stereotypically the weakest drivers.

I do have an SLI friend though who's a very reliable driver. He never talks though when he drives. He must be subconsciously using his Ignoring function.

Interesting. I've never had the desire to drive, which I've put down to weak Se (status things being worthless) and possibly weak Ni (why drive when I can use alternative methods of travel, like riding my bike which is cost free).

Hmph. I also don't like being interrupted/spoken to while I'm working on something, otherwise I lose my concentration and make mistakes.

[FDG]

Interesting. I've never had the desire to drive, which I've put down to weak Se (status things being worthless)

How is driving connected to status? I just think it's about going somewhere in either a relatively fast fashion, or about having the possibility to reach places which are hard to reach by public transport. Now, driving a Ferrari may be status-related...

[Waster]

It is, objectively. But subjectively I see it as all too connected with displays of wealth/power. It is in my family, and the 'chavs' I grew up with.

Public transport is much better in Britain as opposed to America anyhow, regardless, I always choose an individual method of transportation.

[Suz]

Interesting. I've never had the desire to drive, which I've put down to weak Se (status things being worthless) and possibly weak Ni (why drive when I can use alternative methods of travel, like riding my bike which is cost free).

Hmph. I also don't like being interrupted/spoken to while I'm working on something, otherwise I lose my concentration and make mistakes.

As an SLI you should have fairly strong Se, though.
I think you're right about the practicality aspect (SiTe and TeSi are all about practicality). I think the practicality that results in disregard for status symbols. Perhaps you meant Se-devaluing, rather than weak Se...

[krieger]

i've felt apprehensions like these before i drove much, but they have since abated completely.

i think it helps to have been in a minor accident; knowing that when you hit another car its not the end of the world, you just arrange the insurance paperwork, shake the other person's hand and get back on your way.

for the little its worth my ISTj & ENTj siblings both took longer to get their licence than me...


ps. weak Se in the context of ID/superID strength theory is an annoying term because it always coincides with weak Si, so you may as well say weak S generally

[The Martrix]

I feel a certain apprehension for when I do finally get a car and start driving again. Sometimes I fear I will have forgotten everything.

[Hays]

i've overhead the following statement from someone who presumably has Ni as a base function: "i hate driving. whose bright idea it was to put something as fallible as a human being behind a 2 ton construction and allow them to accelerate it up to 70 mph? [local highway speed limit]".

would this be an example of apprehension and anxiety caused by weak Se? at first i thought that they are so nervous about driving due to Se-PoLR, but i've also noticed them spacing out and going into some kind of haze and later attempting to make up for it, which seemed to be strong Ni.

do any of the ILIs or IEIs share this sentiment (also LIIs and EIIs, is this kind of anxiety familiar to you)? does driving at high(er) speeds unsettle you? do/did you feel apprehensive about learning how to drive, owning and operating a car?

Sounds like me. I don't own a car or drive. If people drive too fast or tailgate another vehicle while I am in the car I get concerned and may quietly ask if they could slow down.

When I was young and attempting to drive I almost drove into my stepdad's garage door and another time nearly ran over a horse all of which I found most off putting let alone being responsible for the safety of others when I space out often and struggle to stay with it. Just too many things to try and take notice of!

[Capitalist Pig]

do any of the ILIs or IEIs share this sentiment (also LIIs and EIIs, is this kind of anxiety familiar to you)? does driving at high(er) speeds unsettle you? do/did you feel apprehensive about learning how to drive, owning and operating a car?

No, I consider myself an excellent driver. It's being a passenger that gives me anxiety.

[TheWholeEnglish]

Waited until 23 to get my license, and even then failed the driving test twice. I dont think I'm a bad driver, but I absolutely hate driving and if there is a anyone else there with me I ask them to drive instead. @Legerdemain drives every single time we go anywhere.

...he also has to council me on car maintenance, which I know literally nothing about, and more or less go with me to get anything important done because I'm oblivious to real world.

and scared of talking to mechanics...

Edit: Most of my driving anxiety revolves around being afraid of irritating other drivers, making people mad, or having people think I'm stupid, etc. I love driving when there is no traffic, but when there are other cars around me I'm probably a terrible driver just because I worry more about pissing people off than I do about actual road safety. I hate driving with passengers in my car for the same reason.

[lagerdemon]

Waited until 23 to get my license, and even then failed the driving test twice. I dont think I'm a bad driver, but I absolutely hate driving and if there is a anyone else there with me I ask them to drive instead. @Legerdemain drives every single time we go anywhere.

...he also has to council me on car maintenance, which I know literally nothing about, and more or less go with me to get anything important done because I'm oblivious to real world.

and scared of talking to mechanics...

Edit: Most of my driving anxiety revolves around being afraid of irritating other drivers, making people mad, or having people think I'm stupid, etc. I love driving when there is no traffic, but when there are other cars around me I'm probably a terrible driver just because I worry more about pissing people off than I do about actual road safety. I hate driving with passengers in my car for the same reason.

I hate driving too. I neeeeeever liked driving, it's sooooooooooo boring. Sometimes on long car rides I want to pull over, lay down in the ditch at DIE. Even worse than driving is being a passenger in a car, even worse than that is being a backseat passenger. I do like motorcycle and I like motorcycle so much that I sold my car and truck years ago and have been absolutely fine, except when driving to and from asheboro b/c it was sooooo coooooold. I still hate riding on major highways b/c still boring even if you're going like 85 or so. On backroads you might not be able to go over 70 b/c of twists and turns but at leasts it's not terribly boring and there's lots of weird little towns to stop in. Last time I went to raleigh I stopped in some little town and had coffee at a gas station and the gas station girl told me her life story in an accent I could barely understand. Also, I went to a dollar store where some lady saw me looking out the window while I was waiting in line for some old guy to put his stuff on counter and lady is like, "she's got a nice ass doesn't she?" and i looked around and there was no one out there and i was confused and she said "lol, just kidding". Also she had scars on her face like she'd been in a fight with barbed wire. but yes, i hate driving and twe is extremely cautious as a driver, only going the speed limit and rarely passing. Some day she will know the joys of going fifteen over speed limit and cutting off shipping trucks.

[TheWholeEnglish]

I hate driving too. I neeeeeever liked driving, it's sooooooooooo boring. Sometimes on long car rides I want to pull over, lay down in the ditch at DIE. Even worse than driving is being a passenger in a car, even worse than that is being a backseat passenger. I do like motorcycle and I like motorcycle so much that I sold my car and truck years ago and have been absolutely fine, except when driving to and from asheboro b/c it was sooooo coooooold. I still hate riding on major highways b/c still boring even if you're going like 85 or so. On backroads you might not be able to go over 70 b/c of twists and turns but at leasts it's not terribly boring and there's lots of weird little towns to stop in. Last time I went to raleigh I stopped in some little town and had coffee at a gas station and the gas station girl told me her life story in an accent I could barely understand. Also, I went to a dollar store where some lady saw me looking out the window while I was waiting in line for some old guy to put his stuff on counter and lady is like, "she's got a nice ass doesn't she?" and i looked around and there was no one out there and i was confused and she said "lol, just kidding". Also she had scars on her face like she'd been in a fight with barbed wire. but yes, i hate driving and twe is extremely cautious as a driver, only going the speed limit and rarely passing. Some day she will know the joys of going fifteen over speed limit and cutting off shipping trucks.

u nevr told me u h8 driving!!!!!?!?!?

mb we just ride motorcycle f it evr werk agn.

Also, u stare at invisibl grl ass???!?!?!? U r such a pig!!! Ugh.

[lagerdemon]

u nevr told me u h8 driving!!!!!?!?!?

mb we just ride motorcycle f it evr werk agn.

Also, u stare at invisibl grl ass???!?!?!? U r such a pig!!! Ugh.

Ya she was askin for it :}



Do you think im se weak? Sometimes I lose my walletand can't find it but then I realize its in my pocket.....

[TheWholeEnglish]

Ya she was askin for it :}



Do you think im se weak? Sometimes I lose my walletand can't find it but then I realize its in my pocket.....

omg mb j r iei! Ive herd uf othr iei doin that 2!!!!

[silverchris9]

I think this is a great example of something that can be partially explained in socionics terms, but that is too specific to be generalized to all (or most) members of a type. Yes, by the pure nature of the thing, Ni as a function might tend away from really enjoying driving. I personally loathe it, for exactly the reasons described: potential consequences too high, too much changing sensory data, etc. However, my grandfather (who I strongly suspect is some sort of Ni-ego, although I don't have enough information to completely convince myself), loves driving and is quite good at it, and for a long time had a job that involved driving large vehicles cross-country (he managed A/V services for business conferences and the like). An IEI who drives enough could certainly develop an understanding of how the road works---in general terms, a set of Ni patterns, perhaps expressed (to others) in terms of a set of Ti rules. Perhaps for the IEI, driving would be all about predicting the behavior of other drivers (which, in a sense, it is). Or perhaps it could be a long set of axioms: if situation x, action y; if situation y, action z. But you can already see how perhaps the IEI's understanding of driving is more abstract and general, which compensates for the potential weakness in constantly interpreting and responding to new sensory data.

On the other hand, like I said, I hate driving and with any luck I'll spend my life in a city with great public transportation and only drive extremely rarely. When I drive I do feel very anxious, and I'm overly cautious, get lost pretty easily. I can't measure well how far every other car is from my car, nor how far my car is from objects I'm not supposed to hit. I've never gotten into an accident while on the highway or anything (possibly due to the over-cautiousness), but I have hit one light pole and one other car on a parking lot. My SEE brother explained something once about how my turns in parking lots/garages were too wide because of how the car works and I think physics or something, but I was just very confused and continue to turn wide because I'm afraid I'm going to hit the curb or another car or something.

So yeah, I could see this as a potential weak Se trait, however, I don't think the correlation is strong enough to really work as evidence in favor of a typing, or bias one's opinions about how good a driver a person would be. But I suppose it might be helpful a) as a teaching strategy (helping Ni-egos develop alternative, Ni-based strategies for driving well), or b) to help explain how a person is bad (or good!) at driving, what might be going through their mind when they drive/think about driving.

[Aylen]

i've overhead the following statement from someone who presumably has Ni as a base function: "i hate driving. whose bright idea it was to put something as fallible as a human being behind a 2 ton construction and allow them to accelerate it up to 70 mph? [local highway speed limit]".

would this be an example of apprehension and anxiety caused by weak Se? at first i thought that they are so nervous about driving due to Se-PoLR, but i've also noticed them spacing out and going into some kind of haze and later attempting to make up for it, which seemed to be strong Ni.

do any of the ILIs or IEIs share this sentiment (also LIIs and EIIs, is this kind of anxiety familiar to you)? does driving at high(er) speeds unsettle you? do/did you feel apprehensive about learning how to drive, owning and operating a car?

I am told that I am an excellent driver and my nickname is "Danica Patrick" when I get behind the wheel. They say it to annoy me mostly. heh I can swerve in and out of traffic easily and I am fast when it comes to avoiding other drivers getting into my lane. I think someone said something similar above...I anticipate the moves of others drivers and get complimented on seeing things coming that others didn't... all the time. I do not like to be in the car with most other drivers. I trust myself way more. There have been times though when I ended up at my destination not remembering the drive there so I do zone out in a sense but that is where my instincts take over, I think. That is when I am alone though. I use the stereo to keep me focused in my body most of the time.

I asked a male 20 year old IEI why he didn't' have his license yet and his response was, "Would you want me behind the wheel?" He then said he didn't feel capable yet because his mind wanders but when he did he would get his license.

[Iris]

I can swerve in and out of traffic easily and I am fast when it comes to avoiding other drivers getting into my lane. I think someone said something similar above...I anticipate the moves of others drivers and get complimented on seeing things coming that others didn't... all the time. I do not like to be in the car with most other drivers. I trust myself way more. There have been times though when I ended up at my destination not remembering the drive there so I do zone out in a sense but that is where my instincts take over, I think. That is when I am alone though. I use the stereo to keep me focused in my body most of the time.

I could have written that about myself. I love to drive. I especially hate being driven if we are late. No one can get somewhere as fast as me. Get out of my way, Slowpokes.

I will amend that to say that I don't like it when I have to be aggressive. Like when 2 drivers are side by side and blocking traffic and going under the speed limit. Then I want someone else to, um, gain their attention, and persuade them to cease hindering the rest of us.

[Aylen]

The only times I can say I get really nervous are when two huge trucks are on either side of me or when it rains really hard and I can't see more than a few feet in front of me. Then I pull over. I am always amazed at people speeding by in the heavy rain while I am happy to sit and wait it out. I love to watch the rain too so that might be part of the distraction. I pay more attention to the rain than driving.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I don't like admitting this about myself, because I'm still a guy and we hate all weaknesses in ourselves- but I've always sucked at driving. I just gave up on it.

You could be right, it could be related to having weak Se or something. The most romantic dream I ever had was just my boyfriend driving me around everywhere, a lot of people would probably call that victimy or codependent though. Fuck them. People's strength and weaknesses are just sometimes really compatible.