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Suedehead regarding your yesterday's post - you seem to be at a crossroads of sorts in your life around this time when you feel a need to choose a direction. Imho while it's important to choose a direction and try - this doesn't mean that a decision you make now is going to be a deciding factor for how your whole life is supposed to play out. We make various decisions that change the course of our lives a bit daily and sometimes bigger ones that change our lives even more.
You are first and foremost a person, the typology is just and addition. Try using it as a means of explaining and understanding some of your and other people's qualities. But this doesn't dictate what kind of person you can be. It might be difficult at this point if you're going through a rough patch, but try seeing beyond it. Se-ego doesn't have to be "cool and edgy" and Ne-ego doesn't have to be nerdy. If you want to be a certain kind of person - work towards it, don't let "type" limit you, especially when you aren't even certain of a type. You treat it like a "curse", but maybe it's a "blessing". Please also keep in mind that while we all have our weaknesses, this doesn't mean we can't work on them and improve them to some point, to make our lives a bit easier and more enjoyable.
Oh and on a lighter note, being fed by SXIs isn't such a bad way to live...
but tbh
if socionics makes sense, then the thought of "getting" what a "dual" is supposed to "provide" shouldn't be repulsive... the few IXEs I've met in my life would jump up with joy on the thought of smn taking care of them the way you had described with some disgust. It seems that
if this process in your mind right now is using Ne - it is using it to come up with negative scenarios and Ne-egos, especially Ne-leads would theoretically be more inclined to come up with positive scenarios or at least half half.