Originally Posted by
Suedehead
The worst thing about it is that Ne just seems banal and inconsequential. It does absolutely nothing for me anymore. Even when I 'strived' on it, it never amounted to anything more than mindlessly reading Wikipedia articles, being an annoying pos, and a constant state of restlessness, confusion and dissatisfaction. I was miserable. Life felt dull and colorless. I've only recently known what it was like to feel worthwhile - to have a sense of direction, to be happy, to enjoy the present moment - and it was all by suppressing my natural personality and playing the pretending to be a recluse. I enjoyed it tremendously and convinced myself that it was me...now I feel pressured to return to the monotony of my life before, when I was a needy, ugly, clumsy, charmless, tasteless, talentless, boring, unworldly, boyish idiot savant. Jack of all trades, master of none. My photography is shit.
Edit: my writing's horrible.