Simon went to the refreshment stand and ordered a small glass of coca-cola. He found that his hands were shaking. With an effort he steadied them, and sipped his drink. He reminded himself that he must not judge Earth by his own standards. If people on Earth enjoyed killing people, and the victims didn't mind being killed, why should anyone object?
Or should they?
He was pondering this when a voice at his elbow said, "Hey, bub."
Simon turned and saw a wizened, furtive-faced little man in an oversize raincoat standing beside him.
"Out-of-towner?" the little man asked.
"I am," Simon said. "How did you know?"
"The shoes. I always look at the shoes. How do you like our little planet?"
"It's - confusing," Simon said carefully. "I mean I didn't expect - well -"
"Of course", the little man said. "You're an idealist. One look at your honest face tells me that, my friend. You've come to Earth for a definite purpose. Am I right?"
Simon nodded. The little man said, "I know your purpose, my friend. You're looking for a war that will make the world safe from something, and you've come to the right place. We have six major wars running at all times, and there's never any waiting for an important position in any of them."
"Sorry, but - "
"Right at this moment," the little man said impressively, "the downtrodden workers of Peru are engaged in a desperate struggle against a corrupt and decadent monarchy. One more man could swing the contest! You, my friend, could be that man! You could guarantee the socialist victory!"
Observing the expression on Simon's face, the little man said quickly, "But there's a lot to be said for an enlightened aristocracy. The wise old king of Peru (a philosopher-king in the deepest Platonic sense of the word) sorely needs your help. His tiny corps of scientists, humanitarians, Swiss guards,
knights of the realm and royal peasants is sorely pressed by the foreign-inspired. A single man, you know - "
"I'm not interested," Simon said.
"In China, the Anarchists - "
"No."
"Perhaps you'd prefer Communists in Wales? Or the Capitalists in Japan? Or if your affinities lies with a splinter group such as the Feminists, Prohibitionists, Free Silverists or the like, we could probably arrange - "
"I don't want a war," Simon said.
"Who could blame you?" the little man said, nodding rapidly. "War is hell. In that case, you've come to Earth for love."
"How did you know?" Simon asked.
The little man smiled modestly. "Love and war," he said, "are Earth's two staple commodities. We've been turning them both out in bumper crops since the beginning of time."
"Is love very difficult to find," Simon asked.
"Walk uptown two blocks," the little man said briskly. "Can't miss it. Tell 'em Joe sent you."
-Pilgrimage to Earth, by Robert Scheckley
Originally Posted by Park
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw74sDWPH7U <---- my first exposure, what a stud
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
