There is the id, ego, superego.
Your decisions seem more superego-driven..."'I should" "it was the right thing" 'not the right thing".
Sounds like a cultThe passages you marked are actually somewhat simplified.
I was kind of manipulated by my mother to try a social year at a place that was some kind of mixture between a farm, a village and a monastery. When I was there I slowly got to learn that people expected me to become a part of this community there to the point that they wouldn't let me go home on weekends. It seemed to me like a prison.
what made you want to go to universityIn case of university and my subject I just received many reassurances during the first week. And it was fun.