Quote Originally Posted by PlacentaCake View Post
I've been thinking a lot about this concept this year. What does it mean to you to be heartless? How do you feel when someone calls you heartless? HEARTLESS whore! I have so many thoughts, I don't even know where to begin. 1. Heartlessness is in the eye of the beholder. 2. How do you know if you are? 3. Projection and manipulation in relationships.
I agree with what CPig wrote, and I also think heartlessness is in the eye of the beholder.

For example, my 17 1/2yo daughter might consider me heartless because I want her to clean her own dishes, clean her own room, wash/dry her own clothes, cook her own food, and get a job, instead of letting her play video games and chat all day. If I really loved her, and really cared about her, then I would do these things for her and give her money for junk food and games.

Meanwhile, I might consider her a bit heartless in that she shows absolutely no appreciation for all the things we do for her, she shows no willingness to help around the home by taking care of her own stuff (letting it pile up until it makes homes for bugs), she ignores all the time and energy I have put in towards researching and finding ways to help her in different issues she has, and it feels like she just keeps taking and taking without giving anything in return. (There's a reason that she has very few friends and even her teacher's trained in her issues are exasperated by her constant 'taking'.) (Note, there is far more to the story, i was just giving some more benign examples and generalizations.)

Basically, I think we are susceptible to calling "heartless" the behaviors of others that don't cater to our own wants/needs.

How do you know if you are truly heartless? Is your conscience clear?
* If you were to place yourself in another person's shoes, with their values/needs (not yours), can you see how your actions affected them?
* If you look back at your actions and behaviors regarding that person, do you feel you could have done something differently? If so, what stopped you from doing that back then...and what stops you from doing that now?
* If you refuse to do similar exercises as above, believing that it's not your problem/responsibility to even consider such things, then perhaps you are heartless ....towards them.

But back again to...are you heartless towards them...or is this a pervading pattern?

And, finally, if you were heartless, it probably wouldn't bother you to be called such.