Quote Originally Posted by dinki View Post
Wow, your post really filled me with a deep sense of empathy for my parents. Thank you for helping me to understand them <3. I think sometimes I approach things with anger because I am afraid to be hurt or feel hurt.

That scenario sounds *just* like my mum actually. Yes, she is the LSE and my dad SLI. Yeah, preaching about how to solve things but not realizing their complexity...very true. I really wish she had a delta nf who could discuss that in such a way with her.

May I mention, the way I have to deal with my SLE boyfriend is so directly opposed from the way that seems best to deal with delta st's, in your example; like all the understanding and kindness you seem to have. I previously tried to use that approach with my boyfriend, who could be very hurtful. He has grown so much and I am really proud of him; but my approach in dealing with him had to become a lot harder and tougher. I'm not sure if that is fi, but which ever delta st's have you in their life, they are incredibly lucky.

Thanks for your understanding and support - it does feel really good to experience life like that now

Thank you, I wish she had someone that could believe in her like that and understand her.

Yeah, I think you're definitely getting it when you say he probably felt hurt or guilty. My dad often comments that he feels really bad for having an affair when we were young children and leaving my mum and us for another woman; I think he may feel guilty for being a 'bad dad' as he says and he may have felt like my sister dropping out of school demonstrated that and maybe that was very painful for him and so he said what he did. I think my parents are good people with social consiences, but that these get twisted because they are quite neurotic.

It makes me feel really sad for my parents, . It makes me feel as though there is not anyone who can truly understand them. I do see they feel often unvalued, unsupported; nobody to truly appreciate them in the way that people of their quadra would. I do wish I could help them and have before, but being a beta nf I don't see how I can or feel I truly can.

If people can be willing to fix the damage of their words...I do think sometimes it is oddly write to be expressive, especially if something can build up in the way you describe.

I hope so too! Not currently sure when my sister will move out , I have been trying to encourage her, but could be a good couple of years. Thanks again so much for your insight and support applejacks
I'm so happy that I could help, although I think you're giving me more credit than I deserve. Something tells me there is a very, very good reason that you are who you are, and that you have the parents that you have. If nothing else, you might find you play an important role in understanding them and bridging any future misunderstandings between them and your sister. Maybe all this time you just needed some independence and some distance. Also, the older we get, the more insight our parents seem to shed on their story of life. It's a funny thing that happens, and although beautiful, it makes us relate to and understand why they did the things they did.

Best news of all is, once you move out and you're on your own, it only gets easier

I do find your parents' types intriguing though. Did they work together? How did they meet? That's a mirror relation, and it's interesting that I almost see similar patterns between them and my LSE mother in law and my SLI husband. They work well together when they talk about work, but there's tension and misunderstanding during all other times.

The more I learn about socionics, the more I understand people's behavior and any source intertype heartache/frustration. It doesn't make it easier by any means. Everyone just wants to be understood and loved. It's unfortunate when we're not hardwired to do so.

So in the case of your SLE boyfriend- what was it you did differently? You allowed yourself to react in the moment with less hesitation? I've started to try this by telling him when something is irritating, and I have noticed some positive changes in both of us. I don't linger on it, and he gradually stops doing it, so that's been great to see

I'm always happy to listen or discuss these types of things! I'm so glad you're feeling better about everything!

Go out in the world, do great things!