Conflicting quadra relations; longterm, your feelings and their effects on you

[betterthan]

My parents are SLI and LSE, and I am an IEI. I was just thinking how big the impact of moving away from my parents has been on my life.



Throughout my life I have always had a small sense of being worthless, and felt an inability to positively and actively influence my life. I feel as though I am no longer stuck in the quicksand; feeling more and more useless, depressed and forever f*cked. I feel like I matter. I see myself actually making a positive impact on people socially almost all the time (when before it was very limited) and actively doing things in my life that matter to me; like volunteering and helping people and working hard at college (when before I NEVER did anything; I was just so depressed and felt so useless, I rarely left my house, I could get so depressed). My mum is shocked, she says I am this completely different person. For once I feel an incredibly strong, rooted sense of self-worth and a very concrete sense of being able to make a difference to my life and to have control over what happens to me and the world around me.

I can't believe what an impact these relationships were having on me; really limiting my sense of being able to make anything positive in my life, and thus my life was practically rotting away and my sense of self was f*cked. I really can't believe the difference that moving away has done, and all the positive experiences I have had since them; I literally feel like a completely different person with a totally different life; that's actually good and I am actually someone I feel proud of. I feel life isn't this endless darkness that I can't see the end of or a game of waiting for the ball to drop. It actually matters & I actually control it, for the most part.

I hope my EIE sister will develop similarly when she moves out (she is currently even in a worse place than I was and finds life very difficult; she has a very submerged, glum personality, is quite depressed, has a poor job and poor relationships; it's odd to think that it's likely all caused by the incredibly negative impact our parents had). I also think my parents are quite unhealthy people as well as being our conflict relations. I'd also say putting myself out to have a lot of social interactions, with people I like and beta ST's, despite being anxious has really, really helped me to be happy and feel confident.

Anyway, I wondered if anyone else had similar experiences and wanted to share the effect of these relationships on them and their life.

Edit: in no way is this a post bashing LSE or SLI as parents. I'm more commenting on the damage of conflict relations AND psychologically unhealthy parents. I'm sure LSEs can be awesome parents, and that any unhealthy type would *suck*...but most of all conflict relations just seem like bad news