Originally Posted by
Eliza Thomason
Yes, i am getting that there is no reward at all in the actual work for her. I realize I want someone who has even a little bit of enjoyment in caring for others. And ILI, interesting. SEE's Dual. I have been praying for an ILI for her because she is so desperate to marry again (she is Mormon and my SLI boyfriend says they practice what he calls "serial polygamy" - marraige after marriage, and that seems to be true from what I have seen).
It would be a good job for an introvert because its quiet here, our town home is in a secluded pretty spot great for quiet walks, private woods in back, and nice neighbors, so for anyone valuing their alone time there is plenty of that. We are also near everything and Mom can be taken along on errands. One could take college classes online while they worked, etc. This SEE has taken to watching a plethora of 1950s Netflix romance and marraige movies daily so that's all we get for suggestions from Netflix now. Which I wouldn't mind if there was something more were got from her too.
Yes, she defiantly has a will and since I ask so very very little of her, its exhausting when I finally decide to ask her something she does it on her own time, a different way, or not at all, etc. So from your example, she needs to see by example. Except she doesn't live here, and I just want someone who is more normal to explain things too!
Well, I just hate to fire her but after writing all this out I came to see I need to. She lives on very little, she will go to great lengths to avoid any ties to traditional responsibility, like a real job, including live in her car, which I think she is now doing (cagey about this though, but I questioned her). She had her daughter paying her car insurance and her cell phone, then her daughters husband said enough, so she now has no cell phone or any plans to get one now so I can't reach her, but she does pay car insurance now, I think the only bill she has.
But a grace is this week she mentioned a lot of "other people" are calling her in to "work", and she has to go to a "job" after she leaves my house. She won't say what work or job of course, but that will help me to let her go - she has other "work".
In my codependent way I was thinking she needed this work and didn't want to deprive her of it.
Well, there are lots of things she "didn't do on purpose" that I had to foot the bill or the trouble for. This one was so expensive and ridiculous I felt I had to confront her. I feel that just absorbing the cost and trouble of her mistakes is not helping her learn anything from her mistakes.
But we are absorbing the costs, and I am having her absorb some of the works. How SEE is this? --
- I asked her Monday morning to take the screens into Smith Hardware and get and a written estimate and bring it to my brother [who pays all Moms bills]. After work I asked her if the screens were dropped off. -- No! she "didn't have time", she was "on errands all day". I had to [pry out what errands: besides taking her car into shop she spent the day at a friends house. This really put me off, but really felt like a typical response from her.
- Tuesday after work I asked again -- No, she had not brought them in yet but said she would after work.
- Wed. (yesterday) I was home with a fever and got a call from Jones Hardware (not Smith) that said that they could not fix these screens, don't have the corner pieces, and I could come pick them up....
Last night when she called to see if I would need her to work today I told her abotu this call adn I asked her and she agreed to pick them up from Jones and take them to Smiths this morning. This afterrnoon, Smiths called me today and its $35 each to replace, so $189 with the tax for the job. SEE was at the store when they called so I had her put on the phone and I asked her to go pick up a check from my brother.
So, so far this has cost me a bunch of texts and phonecalls and constant staying on top of SEE but at least I have not had to run any errands.
I am going to view the $189 we pay as a parting gift to SEE who should be responsible for most of that (The way I see it, breaking one screen is understandable. Then you stop. But for one less conscientious, maybe one wouldn't get it till after he 2nd screen broke. But to keep on breakign 5 screens - she should have paid for at least 3!).
Yes, and I have finally realized that I have enough to juggle in my life with wills - my teen son has age-appropriate strong will as he is individuating and finding his voice, my Mom has her Alzheimer's driven one, my students have their Autistic-driven wills, and I have enough special-needs to flex to, I don't need to have to bend to an employee's quirky strong will too. Its too much. I need a person who just wants to be helpful. I think I am a good match for such a person because my expectations are not high, whatever way they want "being helpful" to look like, I am going to be grateful. This can be a relaxing, easy flexible job for someone with the right mindset - and probably Socionics type.