Romancing styles: aggressor females - why?

[ashlesha]

BUT WHY

why are you won over by indirect acts of submission? why do you want to break down someone's solid facade?

[fairylights]

BUT WHY

why are you won over by indirect acts of submission? why do you want to break down someone's solid facade?

Partly because it's there and it makes me feel good to break it. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment, like "HA, I did that" where other people failed to do so.

I should specify that I'm interested only when I sense that there's something worth exploring behind the facade and I want to see it. Not interested in breaking it down for its own sake.

I can't say I agree 100% with just the general aggressor description, just parts of it.

• no doubts about own interest in another person -- I tend to overthink initial interest.
  
• not prone to hesitation about whether or not to reveal that interest -- I do actually like to get a better sense of whether or not it will be worthwhile.
  
• focus is more on own interest than whether or not the other person might reciprocate -- Nope.
  
• romantic interaction is more about "toughness" than "tenderness" -- I'd say it's a mixture of both. Bait and switch. I also like being tender for its own sake.
  
• needs to feel some sense of "superiority" over the partner, but worthwhile only if the partner is seen as able to largely "keep up" -- This is very very very true of me.
  
• this takes the form of power games, which others might regard as cruel or bitchy -- Perhaps. I like to feel that banter is a high stakes game when I'm flirting.
  
• in the case of female Aggressors with male partners, the above tends to assume the characteristic of a woman expecting total devotion from the partner, rather than her being "bossy" -- This seems like a very normal expectation to me, aggressor or otherwise.
  
• little inclination to externally admit not having been the one to end a relationship, unless if adopting a "who cares" front simultaneously -- Yes, yes, YES. Absolutely.

I feel like I'm a blend of the aggressor/victim styles, to be honest.

[Park]

BUT WHY

why are you won over by indirect acts of submission? why do you want to break down someone's solid facade?

because she CAN.

Girls are weird. One minute they will accept and love your insecurities the next they will want u to be a tough alpha male that isn't afraid of anything at all. Women are just born crazy, the female orgasm is erratic as Hitta would say. No wonder they dig the crazies that cut up little animals eh?

Hahahaha.

[jet city woman]

Se egos want a challenge. What about a flaky Ni ego person who contemplates leaving, or isn't dedicated/committed to the relationship? Great. More challenge for Se to prove themselves to keep them around. More games they'll have to win, more work they'll put forth, all to validate that they are strong enough and worthy enough to keep the Ni ego by their side. From my perspective, the Ni submission provides internal validation to Se that they're worth something.

I think irl, it's easier to say that without Te/Fi, my life was falling down a hole. I needed Te balance to help me to see long-term goals and strategies and create career paths, and I needed Te/Fi to help me to judge situations and people effectively enough to steer myself. I've gone through periods where I despised Te and Fi, but in the long-term, it was what I needed in order to grow into a place where I could manage my life. I've got enough Ni to get by. I find that if I'm submitting to anything in this scenario, it's Te and Fi. I do like challenges, but I've moved to a point where Se doesn't dictate my actions as much. That's basically going down a rabbithole.....

I like Ni-egos as friends many times. I find them interesting. I actually like any type of N as a friend, because they are different/unique enough to me to keep my interest. I wouldn't say that I'm any more of a submitter to N friends than S. I give a lot of compliments to my friends, because I like them, and I find that it balances the insensitive remarks I may make. I choose my friends many times based on their values or principles, what they can add to the relationship, and commonalities.

[FDG]

Only Ni egos present enough chase for an Se ego. I had an Se friend use a metaphor for something else once, but I'll share the metaphor: "Nobody ever plays an easy video game again. If you beat the game in 30 minutes, you never want to play again, because it's boring. But if you play a challenging game, you'll keep coming back to play more, even after you've beaten it."

Se egos want a challenge. What about a flaky Ni ego person who contemplates leaving, or isn't dedicated/committed to the relationship? Great. More challenge for Se to prove themselves to keep them around. More games they'll have to win, more work they'll put forth, all to validate that they are strong enough and worthy enough to keep the Ni ego by their side. From my perspective, the Ni submission provides internal validation to Se that they're worth something.

I don't know though, you need to be pretty skilled with ethical and sensory functions if you want to pull that flaky game with confidence? What if the other party just says "ok, screw you, bye"? I don't know if I do it unconsciously, but I think I would generally be unable to (in romantic relationships)