Joy, of all people, seems to like to tell me that I act Se - this is especially noticable on the #socionics chatroom. But also dotted in insidious remarks, put on this forum.
Of course, when people spout shit like that, I'd rather dismiss them, or deal with it in one go, rather than to deal with lots of small little tidbits of annoying things.
And thus I see Joy as an enemy - soemthing to be extinguished, and of no worthwhile purpose.
That, to me, isn't a logical decision - it's a rational decision. It aids me, to dismiss her.
But, honestly speaking, I've got no idea how much Se I have, or don't have -- it seems to be somewhat hidden from me.
When I use excessive force, I don't actually notice. If it's noted to me that I used excessive force, then I will stand behind the fact that I used a reasonable amount of force for the situation at hand -
Now, here's where it gets tricky. Sometimes my force jumps up when there is a lot of "noise" around me - when things irritate, or grind on me. And I want to get rid of them quickly, and efficiently.
But to me - it's not about power, it's about simplification. It's like reducing the scope of a problem, so that I can deal with what's in front of me minus the negative influences.
To this end, I have sometimes, in the past used physical forcee to erradicate undesirables from my sight.. and what I've found, is that they seem to come back. Which means I must once again erradicate them.
They then seem to decide that I'm bluffing, and so I push them a little, and they start getting disconcerted, so I push them a little more.
Now this pushing, I do, does have a purpose of raising intensity. But it's so that I can "see" them clearer. It's so that I can get a "feel" for them. It's because I'm *not* very good at registering willpower, force, etc .. and so I need it to raise, before I can understand where they're coming from.
In the same manner - in normal every day situations, I'm really not very aware about will - and how it's utilised. It's only at extremes, that I notice it. And at these extremes I tend to react quickly, and become more forceful. But doing so makes me hot, and dehydrated, so I have to drink a lot of water, and cool down.
And if I don't get these cool down periods, then I tend to just get rid of anything that'll heat me up too much, in case I overheat.
Now, if the usage of force relates to the desire to be "cool" so that I can feel comfortable, that means that it could just as well, be that I'm reacitng from a desire to feel clear, and not constricted, rather than to gain power -
But if gaining power, to me, is about reducing impedements, rather than having large quantities of power..
And if in "positions of power" I act like I can give the impression that I don't give a shit. And that it's this not giving a shit, that seems to make me look power-hungry, could that make me seem more Se'ish?
And thus, could this actually be a drive for Ni, and the accumulation of vision. And detraction of anything that'll get in the way of the vision.
As when people engage in power trips, gossip mongering etc, all that shit .. well it gets in the way of my vision.
If anyone could comment on if they see any usage of Se. And if so how much, and with what intended purpose could you please advise me. It's an area that I really don't have much feedback on, in real life.