Duality: What's great about it? And what's bad?

[Park]

In reality it implies 'clear communication' and little risk of miscommunication. Not much else.

It also implies covering for each other's weaknesses, stimulating each other's strengths and subduing each other's insecurities.

[InvisibleJim]

It also implies covering for each other's weaknesses, stimulating each other's strengths and suppressing each other's insecurities.

I'm not sure if 'ignoring each others weaknesses' thus making undesirable behaviours unrewarding really accounts for any deliberate action.

I mean, with all the 'duality' on this site it is should be fairly obvious that people haven't become stronger and less insecure regardless of the theory.

[Park]

I'm not sure if 'ignoring each others weaknesses' thus making undesirable behaviours unrewarding really accounts for any deliberate action.

I didn't say anything about ignoring each other's weaknesses, nor did I say that the listed actions/behaviors are deliberate or done in a deliberate manner. They are supposed to happen naturally, or as a side-effect of the psychological comfort and intrinsic behavioral tendencies between dual types, if you will.

I mean, with all the 'duality' on this site it is should be fairly obvious that people haven't become stronger and less insecure regardless of the theory.

I don't get what you're saying. And I don't think there exists a type (or level) of observable duality on this website that would make any such proclamation obvious.

[Park]

Anyways, to answer the second part of the question, what I think is bad about duality is that it's a pseudo-scientific concept, much like the larger construct it's an integral part of. This puts constraints on the ways and levels at which it can be examined, and it generates the power to lure scientific and inquisitive minds into misconceiving it's real place and purpose.

[HandiAce]

I have trouble communicating with myself.

Need a mirror?

[blackburry]

I was joking.

[Beautiful sky]

I was joking.

you forget, you are in a serious quadra

(just saying that there we don't perceive jokes well, nor can we expect that others will get our jokes )

[soapofsappho]

Would you agree it's reasonable to say you can see through your dual's bs (and vice versa) much more easily than other peoples'? This is my hunch.

[zeta]

I've seen this touched on in a few places -- what, besides being easy, is good about a dual relationship? And are there major downsides?

I'm not sure whether I've experienced a close dual relationship, so I'm curious.

First, to say duality implies the clearest communication is false as that is in the realm of identity, seeing as identicals, theoretically, process information in an almost identical way. Of course, in reality, this isn't the case, but identicals should be able to understand each other more easily than they would with individuals of a different type.

However, duality implies the most comfortable and most sustainable and satisfying communication in the long term. These relations are least likely to dissolve into boredom provided certain requirements are met which have less to do with socionics than they do with individual personality, level of maturity, education, lifestyle, and interests. So a degree of interest and comfort can be met in duality that is not going to be found, for the long term, in any other interetype relation.

The downsides of duality have more to do with complacency as well as difficulties, initially, in establishing a relationship, whether platonic or otherwise, between dual partners. For instance, the extrovert may have to do most of the work, at first, in forming regular interaction and the ethical type is liable to have to work toward solidifying a closer relationship. Depending on the individuals involved, this can be a complex or simple task.

And two duals cannot be expected to have an optimal dual relationship. Each person is different and some duals are better suited for each other than others. Also, duality isn't usually something that smacks you in the face, so to speak, with a sense of some almighty amazingness. It tends to grow on people, especially when they start noticing the difference, in an already established correspondence, between interactions with the dual partner and interactions with others.

[betterthan]

Lol it's so complicated. It's diverse according to which of my duals i'm with.

I think most basically in duality, your dual is like reallyyy appreciative of your leading functions; obviously, but how it plays out is quite impactful. For example, when I give my sle boyfriend some simple ni advice, like 'don't have another drink because you'll regret it when we have to wake up in 4 hours' and he'll respond like 'YES!! You're right! You're always right!'; and he always thinks that my simple advice like that is SO great haha, it's like i feel like he gets really excited about really simple points I make and he's mentioned something similar! Compared to like my delta mum, who just doesn't really take on board what I say when often what i'm saying is right on it (like road closed ahead, i tell her to take another turn but she goes down the closed road anyway, and is like surprised when it is actually closed OMG ). However, at first he never used to listen to my ni advice, he would just ignore it and do his own thing; until it would continually turn out that I was always right in what I said and had to point it out to him until he started to listen. So your dual has to be open to you.

Also with my boyfriend there has been a lot of shit; he's used to be really emotionally abusive and has been physically aggressive. He also used to just have pretty shitty social skills, he would like monolouge at you and get hyperactive for attention. But he's really developed and I have demanded he change a lot. Duality doesn't mean things can't be shit. But he's developed into a really loving, supportive boyfriend since then. I don't think either of these things have anything to do with his personality 'type' or socionics; people are so much more than their type! It won't automatically be a great relationship because they are your dual and you won't have a mad attraction or connection with them because they are your dual; in fact, with this relationship I often felt a deep boredom, disconnection and went through a lot of anger and pain. But there is a lot of warmth and love to our relationship now. We also have difficulty understanding each other (so f the idea that duals always have perfect ease in understanding each other!) - in general a lot of issues, because of shittty compatibility, but it turned out well in the end. We are very much in love now.

Also there are so many other factors...which seem simple, but most people really over-estimate the power of duality. Like a female SLE friend I have, is very very shut off, quite cold and distant from people; which makes building a connection and relationship very hard, there's a lack of intimacy and i don't really get to see much of her as she's very shut down. She also can react very coldly because she is quite guarded which makes me find it hard to open up to her. She claims we are best friends now, but I don't feel we are quite there yet...what I really value about her is her complete strength of character, which makes her unique to the other SLEs I know; I just really respect her because she is SO strong. Another thing in her which I don't really percieve in my other duals is how overtly active she is - with her se, she tends to like really make a point of doing a lot of physical things for me (possibly to show me affection as she finds it hard to do emotionally), like she will announce that she is going to scrape ice off my car, or pour me a drink; simple things, but I really notice them and *really* appreciate them.

Another dual i know, I feel a lot of magic, positive energy - great spontaneous, flowing connection. I feel this connection is great because he has a lot of traits I love in people, irrelevant of socionics such as a strong sense of justice and positive energy. He has the least amount of issues. But he's pretty flakey and unreliable; so again other personality factors affect duality here unrelated to the type. Also when I had less confidence, it kind of negatively effected my self-expression and I was quite shut off, causing our connection to wane a little...

Also I feel duality, for me, was really difficult to form! Most people I find it easy to connect to and build a friendship with, but duality has always been much more difficult. It's always left so much more to be formed! Sometimes it feels to big to overcome. There is also a fragileness, a desire for each of us to be independent, to not reach out first which can cause it to break apart.

So in general each dual is unique and some will be better for you than others. A good duality requires your dual to have traits you appreciate, not one's which irk you, an openness in each dual and psychological health.

---

I'd also like to add a couple of more things. Duality isn't some great sweeping element which has come in and transformed my life. Some of my duals have truly made me feel so fucking alive and I have felt an intertwining to each male dual I have met (once you start to form any kind of intimacy or true experience of the other; you are fucked lol! So think HARD - use your rational mind; do i want this person? Do they deserve me? Before you begin because one you begin you can't back out without a lot of strong emotions). But it's not like turned the world inside out or transformed who i am, a lot of the time they have been bad people who were bad for me, bad for anyone. The deep root connection for each male dual i have met, STILL exists within me and it has been six years since I last saw one of them. It's the ache and the yearn for each of them, which in a sense makes life harder and more tormenting...you can't be with them all but all of them live inside of you. It's the feeling that you're never seperate, never your own, never without each of them; you become intertwining tree roots that cannot be torn apart, and that reach across time and geographical space; they call to you. They live inside of you but life moves on unchanged, and that's the hardest part

p.s sorry, I feel like this is so badly written lol - I haven't been on a board in ages ^_^