Working out a SLI/IEE/SEE threesome

[Cuddly McFluffles]

It's a side trip but possibly relevant:

Last week my love's grown daughter said she realized in her teen years that her Dad was "abusive" because of some off-things he had said to her when she was young, venting his frustration with a bad situation with her Mom, leaning on his daughter too much for her age when he needed a confidant. But she did not get at all what abuse is. Abuse is all about motive. This was definitely not abuse because an abuser knows he is hurting and says the things because he wants to hurt. All her father was guilty of was saying some inappropriate things that hurt and/or confused her (and none were directed at her angrily)... Like so many things, its all about motive.

You didn't tell her this, did you?

[GuavaDrunk]

It's a side trip but possibly relevant:

Last week my love's grown daughter said she realized in her teen years that her Dad was "abusive" because of some off-things he had said to her when she was young, venting his frustration with a bad situation with her Mom, leaning on his daughter too much for her age when he needed a confidant. But she did not get at all what abuse is. Abuse is all about motive. This was definitely not abuse because an abuser knows he is hurting and says the things because he wants to hurt. All her father was guilty of was saying some inappropriate things that hurt and/or confused her (and none were directed at her angrily)... Like so many things, its all about motive.

You didn't tell her this, did you?

Good point.

Different tangent: @Eliza Thomason Overt motive is not necessarily relevant. People can do things that hurt, sometimes horribly so, simply because they made a mistake or thought their method was best. One example. There are others.

Families aren't always black and white situations. Thirdly who are you to decide how and how much her history affected her?

[Eliza Thomason]

I also want to add that I remembered the "abuse" SEE daughter complained of. He used to come home from work and rant to SEE daughter (age 8?) that if she did not shape up the gypsies would come take her away! Yes. That was the abuse. (She said it used to scare her, she believed it and was always afraid gypsies would come). But he did not rant in anger, he was not deeply upset. And her mother was there when he said it, she could have corrected, told her there are no gypsies, could have told SLI she was scaring their daughter if she thought so but she didn't, and if anyone told him that he would have stopped immediately because he loved his kids and did NOT want to hurt ANYONE especially his kids. Also he confided in her when her mother left the marraige for her longtime lesbian relationship, and the sort of slang-way he explained his wife's new relationship lifestyle was age-inappropriate (approximately age 10) and highly and strangely confusing to a child. But I won't repeat it here. (Anyone who acts perfectly when their treasured home life explodes must have no love.) That was the extent of "abuse".

I have read books on abuse and I know this does not apply. There is inappropriate, and there is abuse, and there is abusive relationships, and they are all different things.

[Eye of the Potato]

I also want to add that I remembered the "abuse" SEE daughter complained of. He used to come home from work and rant to SEE daughter (age 8?) that if she did not shape up the gypsies would come take her away! Yes. That was the abuse. (She said it used to scare her, she believed it and was always afraid gypsies would come). But he did not rant in anger, he was not deeply upset. And her mother was there when he said it, she could have corrected, told her there are no gypsies, could have told SLI she was scaring their daughter if she thought so but she didn't, and if anyone told him that he would have stopped immediately because he loved his kids and did NOT want to hurt ANYONE especially his kids. Also he confided in her when her mother left the marraige for her longtime lesbian relationship, and the sort of slang-way he explained his wife's new relationship lifestyle was age-inappropriate (approximately age 10) and highly and strangely confusing to a child. But I won't repeat it here. (Anyone who acts perfectly when their treasured home life explodes must have no love.) That was the extent of "abuse".

I have read books on abuse and I know this does not apply. There is inappropriate, and there is abuse, and there is abusive relationships, and they are all different things.

Large Increase in Number of Parents Threatening to Give Bold Children to The Tinkers

BARNARDO’S have announced today a dramatic increase in the number of parents threatening to give their disobedient children to the tinkers.

The childrens charity said that over 61,400 parents have admitted to using the term in order to frighten their child into being good.

Chairman, Alan Wyley, said the number has almost doubled since 2004.

“It seems parents are becoming more lose lipped with the threat since the start of the recession.”

“This can have a devastating impact on the child’s perception of the travelling community and In some cases can lead to prejudice against the group in later life.”

The last major epidemic of the ‘tinker threat‘ was recorded in the 1980′s when a whopping 68% of Irish parents admitted to using the phrase.

One 34-year-old man, who wishes to remain anonymous, told WWN today that he blames his parents for his irrational fear of travellers.

“I was first diagnosed with tinkerphobia in 2001.

“A traveller called to my door looking to see if I was interested in buying carpets. I panicked and locked myself into the house for several weeks.” he said.

A worried relative knocked down the man’s door and found the 4 stone man, naked and cowering behind a couch in his sitting room.

“The doctors said I was very lucky to be alive. I ran out of food in the first week, surviving only on water.“ he added.

Barnardo’s are appealing to parents to stop threatening their bold children with the tinkers and have suggested using other ethnic groups like Roma Gypsies or Middle Eastern Refugees instead.


http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/201...o-the-tinkers/