lets find out if there is a correlation after all.
you don't have to actively practice it, just at least think of it once in awhile while you masturbate or something.
poll is private, of course. this thread is civilized.
aggressor and yes
aggressor and no
victim and yes
victim and no
caregiver and yes
caregiver and no
infantile and yes
infantile and no
I'm a shithead and I'm voting for this one
I'm not sure of my type and yes
I'm not sure of my type and no
I think the internet thinks about bdsm and those that don't are lying. Maybe my mind is just a gutter.
I sort of don't approach the topic of sex lightly, so generally it is a function of how close I am to the individual rather than an activity that can be an ends to itself, that being said when I care for someone I try to be accommodating in this regard independent of my own preferences but I suppose I'm least prone to accommodate public sex, or the idea that location and danger can enhance the experience. In my experience such a mentality is fairly prone to exist in Fe valuing types as they view the altering of the emotional atmosphere that the activity of intercourse takes place in as far more relevant and exciting than I do.
As for BDSM? It'd perhaps take a long time and a lot of coaching for me to feel comfortable really beating the shit out of someone during sex, or them doing so to me, but I'm more comfortable with this idea than I am the idea of public sex. The really really PC aspects of BDSM can be fun, like hand-cuffs and changing the 'dominant' partner, but those are fairly mild things.
Easy Day
for some reason i find this topic disturbing and upsetting (i mean, in my mind). the thought of having to live that way feels like having died and woken up in crazy land where you just wish some semblance of something feeling real would return... but it's like playful game building on playful game building on playful game, and never can anything real ever hit you as it all becomes increasingly insane. then if you're not the one creating the insanity you have to be the constant victim of it, losing any trace of your own will to just fulfill request after request after request until all of you has been torn away, meanwhile the entire time it's miserable drudgery and slavery. and the other person diverts the relationship away from any intimate connection via requests and play. perhaps this is how the concept feels in my mind.
Okay this is way too tmi but I can't help myself here,
I am into bdsm, but I think boundaries are still healthy and good even though part of bdsm is playing with crossing the line and feeling okay with doing it, realizing that another person's spit across your face won't kill you, can even be amazingly erotic etc.
However sometimes in the heat of passion people can go too far, and call me a Mary Sue goody two shoes but I don't believe in crossing those boundaries.
For example... I was with this really aggressive macho top on skype once. Obviously, I am more on the 'cute bottom end' so we were compatible right? He would burp for me and it would turn me on sooo damn much. Like it was just so masculine and visceral lmao. Everything was going good until my damn nephew started crying in the background. (from another room way far away i wouldn't jack off in the same room he was lmao) Then he was like 'go get him and abuse him in front of me, sniff his dirty diapers' ... I had to just close off right then and there and block him forever. Yeah I was horny about the other stuff, but that was just... no. So I think the saying 'the bottom is the one with the control and power' is true, otherwise you will just end up feeling hurt and victimized and gaslighted. And I think that's not cool.
And so yeah I have my limits, I won't molest a child for somebody else's sexual gratification, and many other things... but I can't deny that being spit on or having a guy be like a typical asshole jock male guy doesn't turn me on, it wouldn't be honest or something, but I also believe in morals and treating people right.
And you could say "why not meet somebody sweet and nice and then do those things with them" Yes that sounds good on paper but it's also UBER idealistic ... in real life you just end up feeling sexually compatible with people you would never ever bring home to mommy for thanksgiving dinner lmao. So having some pragmatic realistic escape mechanisms for hook-ups is essential... yeah you could say to people 'don't hook up so much' but part of life is thrill seeking and it's not that simple. But yeah that's what I think of bdsm, no shit or underage kids or any of that crap.
I happen to find it quite deranged, but I suppose I am particularly sensitive when it comes to not being sexually brutalized.
"[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Brought to you by socionix.com
I think the idea can be fascinating, most people experience it only as a fantasy or a idea and not the reality which is much more banal and stupid.
never really seen the attraction, though in a crazy and drunk enough mood i might give some of it a try.
ftr: i'm the infantile no vote.
I am an infantile, and I've already brought up my interests. I have never had physical sexual contact with anyone, so it's partly hypothetical. But name-calling, insults, etc. are all things I have enjoyed receiving. Not to mention I have fantasies of being kept in a cage chained up in a woman's basement and having her throw a few cheerios at me when I get hungry.
Aggressor and yes.
Although, as far as bondage devices and contraptions go, they're awesome, but spending money on that and costume-y stuff is ugh. Just bring your naked self and some rope.
Genghis Khunt, drippin' like twater.
tumblr (nsfw)
I would spend money on costumes just because I like costumes, There's nothing sexual about it.Originally Posted by Nomenclature
It is Dragoncon weekend in Atlanta, costumes are most definitely about sex.
Very rarely have I been turned on by BDSM. It's happened before, yes, but most often I am turned on by consensual sexual thoughts. BDSM isn't necessarily wrong to me, it's also sort of natural in a way. Just not normally my thing.
i think my issue with this is the assumption that all bdsm is dark and that all that is dark is actually hot... i too was drawn to the allure... to find it was actually like clowns fucking each other and giggling and people trying to pretend to be something they can't match. i want a world where dark intersects hot, but it's actually not so easy to find out there. (i mean all of this in thought because i suffer a lack of experience.)
I'm not talking about costumes at large, I'm talking about latex bodysuits and leather in BDSM. It's definitely fetishized in that case.
Genghis Khunt, drippin' like twater.
tumblr (nsfw)
Skip to 1:45:
For poll purposes, Rihanna is most likely an INFp victim, and she would most likely vote 'yes'.
Ithe bdsm turtle.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
no
Bondage seems like it could be hot, especially kinbaku/shibari, but other than that my reaction is "Meh," unless biting/scratching/mild choking are considered bdsm things. The submissive/dominant power play just doesn't appeal to me enough that I'd implement it in my sex life.
No. I have a hard time taking things like roleplaying and what not seriously. It's just really corny to me.
It isn't role play, it is what is in your nature imo.
It's not in her nature. Therefore, it's role play.
I prefer feeling closer to someone during sex and role-playing would do the opposite. Maybe I would actually be closer to them, if we were doing something they really wanted, but I don't think I could get into it. Plus, I don't think the kind of relationship I'd be in would really fit doing something like that in our free time and then resuming normal day. I just can't see that emotional transition, even if drugs were involved, haha.
It seems more like an Fe thing. The way I think of it, Fi emotions are more static, so I'd either not take the role-playing seriously, or think that they actually felt the way they were acting, whereas a Fe-valuer would feel that it's just acting and enjoy it for that sake. An EIE I know is pretty into it. Parties and cuffs and all.
Last edited by d1ffe7; 09-13-2012 at 02:08 AM.
Yes, aside from just finding the concept utterly unappealing this is what perplexes me most. The idea that some people can abuse one another during sex and maintain a normal relationship outside of that just doesn't compute.
"[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Brought to you by socionix.com
....is choking normal sexual behavior?
"[Scapegrace,] I don't know how anyone can stand such a sinister and mean individual as you." - Maritsa Darmandzhyan
Brought to you by socionix.com
Infantile and def no. My partners have to be on equal level with me, none of that power play crap. I don't even fantasize about that kind of stuff, it physically and conceptually just doesn't work for me.
Me too. I vote we make this poll an open one
Gross. No.
Because his opinion isn't the only one?If you think it is gross, why would you tell me people liked when I talk about it
1. it was hilarious. 2. Be more free and learn and 3. What I think is okay for me and what others think is okay for them are two seperate ideas.If you think it is gross, why would you tell me people liked when I talk about it
Ugh..Goreans.
Well, everyone has their sexual fantasies, some just fantasize about the ins-and-outs of things, others about science fiction worlds (eg. Goreans).
Some people go to comic-conventions in super-hero costumes, others dress up for star trek conventions, others do cos-play with anime characters, and a large portion of the usa dresses up in outfits they wouldn't normally wear for their night at the club...and some even dress up for church.
Yes, goreans fall under the bdsm umbrella, but not all bdsm is gorean. Thank Goodness!
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
Just to add one perspective...
R's and mine relationship is a d/s one, but it's not like what's shown in movies, porn, nor books. Nor is it bedroom only. Ours is 'lifestyle'. From an outsider's perspective, we're just a normal couple in a loving relationship, and he's one of those nice guys who does thing for his partner and is considerate for her needs/wants. Ultimately...that's what ours IS. The d/s part of it comes in regularly, but not in the imagined way of barking out orders etc. it just basically gives me 'permission' to make requests and express what I'd like, without my having to worry if maybe I'm being too needy or bothering him, etc.
In the bedroom, I again have 'permission' to make requests, or inform him of what I want...or how I want it. I'm not much of a dominant person, and I've so many insecurities and concerns. This aspect to our relationship helps out. I also don't have to worry about constantly primping, or sexing myself up, nor worrying about 'how to please my man', etc. I can just relax and be myself. I've never had that ability in other relationships. This doesn,t mean I'm 'always on top and in control' either. I get to decide if I want him to be on top, or if I want my hair pulled, etc. and since I don't send off much body language for him to read, our relationship gives him the info he needs...and HE, too, gets to relax and be himself.
One of the other benefits of this relationship, is that I don't have to worry about my PTSD issues being triggered. I have the ability to change things to avoid them. And if they happen to accidently get triggered...I have the ability to change what we are doing, or stop it all together so I can psychologically regroup.
Really...we're a rather vanilla-ish couple, even though we're in a lifestyle d/s relationship, hang out with heavy-bdsm friends, and attend local bdsm events.
IEE 649 sx/sp cp
My one relationship (as it were) was with a guy who was into BDSM. He felt that pain was pleasure; I felt that pain was pain.I think I told him as much once. From what the other woman in the equation told me, he and she were doing something like BDSM or at least basic d/s. I never asked for details, and she didn't really offer.
Johari/Nohari
"Tell someone you love them today, because life is short; shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying."
Fruit, the fluffy kitty.
I like being pinned down during sex in all kinds of positions. And I like having my hair pulled, that's about as rough as I play. I like only non painful biting.
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
"Victim..."
If you're submissive, which rules out the domination part you're were talking about in your earlier post to me, I'm sure it isn't...
Cough.
Besides, the BDSM term incorporates S&M last time I checked. So I don't really know why one would reinterpret it, as to whitewash it or something - it is what it is.
The fact that B&D, S&M, D&S, etc. fall under BDSM is pretty telling already. It is still a form of sadomasochistic practices. Not unless you get handcuffed by some policeman and he gets a hard-on whilst performing that action and you, well, you don't both physically and mentally. And vice versa.
Anyhow, my own thread, the one I've been banned from tried to tie such behaviour with feminist ideologies to see whether there be any positive or negative predispositions...
To see whether termas tossed around this site aren't just empty slogans to begin with...
Last edited by Absurd; 09-18-2013 at 11:43 AM.
A lack of granularity on a label does not specify a lack of granularity by each individual. Durrr.
What kind of lack, seriously? It reads Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. And I am perfectly aware some members of that culture won't be into beatings, but may be into urinating or defecating, etc., that is other forms of degradation.A lack of granularity on a label does not specify a lack of granularity by each individual. Durrr.
"Duh!"
Times like these I think I am the only one that can actually read. Moreover if your into dragging your 'problems' into other peoples lives, go ahead, but I'm pretty skeptical it is going to get welcomed the way you think it is going to.
Seems like some people have the urge to tell other what they do and how they do it in bed, what coffee they drink and so on. Point is, did you hear any one asking you?
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
