Is there such thing as a lazy LSE/ESTj?

[Eliza Thomason]

Sometime people just get on each other's nerves and it's not type-related. You don't have to make a massive type issue out of every spat on this forum. Even my identicals and duals get on my nerves sometimes.

I can get identicals becasue when someone starts acting like we act when its an aspect of ourselves we don't like its like a mirror and it can annoy. When my Duals annoy me its not intense, its more mild and circumstantial. The example I can dig up with the Dual that I love is that sometimes when he is explaining something that maybe I asked him about he will repeat himself. I feel annoyance. Usually its because we are trying to figure out something complex and I don't want too many words. But now I just say when he starts to repeat, "I got it; don't repeat it." Sometimes I realize he is waiting for my affirmation of what he is saying, so I quickly say when starts to repeat, "Ok. We won't do it that way. We are done with that." That way I will help him change his habit (over time!) and I am not annoyed. (And he feels free to tell me when he doesn't like something.)

[Kim]

I can get identicals becasue when someone starts acting like we act when its an aspect of ourselves we don't like its like a mirror and it can annoy. When my Duals annoy me its not intense, its more mild and circumstantial. The example I can dig up with the Dual that I love is that sometimes when he is explaining something that maybe I asked him about he will repeat himself. I feel annoyance. Usually its because we are trying to figure out something complex and I don't want too many words. But now I just say when he starts to repeat, "I got it; don't repeat it." Sometimes I realize he is waiting for my affirmation of what he is saying, so I quickly say when starts to repeat, "Ok. We won't do it that way. We are done with that." That way I will help him change his habit (over time!) and I am not annoyed. (And he feels free to tell me when he doesn't like something.)

You are one person with one dual partner. If all SLIs were nothing more than formulaic types, it could play out like this. But I would much rather think of my dual as a complex person with a life and a history that have created hangups and frustrations and happiness and sadness and annoyances and all the rest of it. When my dual does annoy me, it's not because he is or isn't type-related to me in some way. He annoys me at times because he is a real person and hopefully trusts me enough to be himself when interacting with me. Well, and because I can be annoying, too. Tension and annoyance is good - a relationship grows more complex and intricate if you handle it the right way. Now that is where duality might make things easier, but being annoyed in and of itself has more to do with the layers of a person's life story and character than his/her type.

[Eliza Thomason]

... a complex person with a life and a history that have created hangups and frustrations and happiness and sadness and annoyances and all the rest of it. ... being annoyed in and of itself has more to do with the layers of a person's life story and character than his/her type.

Yes, its most often that, and in fact when my Dual love repeats himself I see it stemming from years of being invalidated by certain significant others (particularly his ex) and not having his say heard or considered important. When we are working out a decision for something we are planning and I don't agree or offer my opposing idea that he does not agree with, he explains why. I tend need silence to think it over. He fills the silence by repeating himself, perhaps retelling with a few word changes...that's when I get annoyed, but saying that I get it, and I don't want it repeated (so I can think) just solves it for us. And he sees from the rest of the conversation that I really did get it and I am not insisting on my way, so I imagine he will change over time when he sees his thoughts really do matter to me.

Actually I do the same thing myself sometimes, with my SLE son, and it annoys him. One thing he has in common with his Dad (who always invalidated me) is he has slower reaction time in conversation, and I have to make a point to make myself have "wait" time when we talk. So silence from him does not mean he doesn't get what I said, but I repeat or re-explain thinking I wasn't heard, and it really annoys him. One thing I have had to train myself about my son is he really does hear it the first time, even if I see/hear no reaction...

[InvisibleJim]

Ho ho ho,

Whats going on here Mrs and Mrs thread derail!

Ladies, get a room! Only Maritsa gets to talk in 'LSE' threads!