Helping Enneagram Type 6 with anxiety

[Miso Soup]

Platitudes (assurances that everything is ok and nothing is wrong) are meaningless. You can't guarantee anything unless you have a) inside knowledge AND b) the willingness and ability to control the situation which they are anxious about.

Ime, it helps to have a few game plans that I can fall back on. I may never ever need them, but just knowing ahead of time what my options may be, helps me tremendously.

For example: one of my absolute biggest fears right now is what happens to me and my 16yo daughter IF something happens to Richard? The house is in his name. We aren't married. And his savings and monetary stuff all go to his sister. I'm on an extremely limited income but gave up my housing assistance (they paid most my housing rent) so that he and I could live with each other. It takes over four years to get back on the list for an opening. My income wouldn't be able to even afford the base monthly payments, certainly not the insurance, maintenance and repairs, nor yearly fees, etc. Nor would it cover the costs to travel into town and back to work a job...not that I can even hold a job...there's a reason I am on social security disability.

Now, I've been homeless before, and am not afraid to be homeless again. However, things would be different. I'd have a teen to take care of, dress, get to school, worry about child services and custody shit, etc. i also have physical health issues now that I didn,t have the first two times I was homeless.

Basically...IF something were to happen to him, I'm completely and utterly screwed.

So I spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure out a game plan. Cuz face it...while I'm losing everything, all my much needed stability...I'll also be dealing with the loss of him. It's a very scary thought!! And there is no way in hell that ANYone can guarantee that it won't happen! So telling me not to worry about it is akin to telling me you (the person saying it) doesn't grasp the emmensity of what I'd be facing...OR..ya don't give a shit what happens to me.

So, how am I dealing with it? By trying to figure out a list of options and resources that would be available to me should it be needed. Such as...
* obtaining now a working, reliable vehicle which I could sleep in, such as a minivan w seats that can form a bed, or seats that can be removed and a storage/bedding area built. (like what my dad had done with his van for camping purposes)
* a list of possible parking places that would be legal and safe to sleep at
* a list of ways to feed us both, without requiring a fridge, freezer, stove, etc.
* a list of ways to access bathrooms, showers, drinking water, etc.
* developing skills and/or obtaining knowledge which might be useful/needed
* obtaining physical resources that would be needed, and have them readily available, now...while I have the monetary funding to obtain them
*etc etc

Basically...having a game plan or two, or three...


Ask them. If [insert fear], what would that mean to them? How would that change their life? And what kinds of resources do they expect would be needed?...and which of those do they have now?...and which are they willing to obtain/learn so they would be better prepared?

Have them prioritize the necessity of each resource in relation to the other ideas they have of it. If they had resource A but not B, or B but not A...which would be more important to have prepared?

Then have them keep this list...or keep remaking it as needed...and try to get them to focus on obtaining the necessary ones, one at a time.

Ok, so you're worried about what might happen if you fail college. What do you anticipate would happen if you failed college? How would your life change? What kinds of ACTIONS can you take to allieviate the problems of those changes? What kinds of actions can you take to reduce the risks of failing college?....and gradually narrow things down until they have a list of actions they can take now...or if it happens. (actions may include researching needed information...or talking with an experienced person)


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Be careful though. You are not responsible for other people unless you personally accept and take on that responsibility. These are THEIR concerns, THEIR emotions, and THEIR thoughts/etc. If they are functioning adults, they need to learn to be functioning adults. Asking questions designed to help them plan out a safety net is one thing...offering to do the work for them, or carry the brunt of their safety on your shoulders...is not good for YOUR health!

Thank you. I have a feeling that this would tremendously help my mom. Her main fear she brings up is very similar to yours: "What would happen to you (meaning me) IF something happened to me?" So the gameplan wouldn't help with that particular fear, but in her others - losing her job, having to move again (which she will, because she has to sell her house to be able to afford her debt), having to find another job. I now plan to follow your advice for her, though not for my friend, as she's "not a future thinker." She doesn't like it when I give her advice relating to future investments.

[Beautiful sky]

Thank you. I have a feeling that this would tremendously help my mom. Her main fear she brings up is very similar to yours: "What would happen to you (meaning me) IF something happened to me?" So the gameplan wouldn't help with that particular fear, but in her others - losing her job, having to move again (which she will, because she has to sell her house to be able to afford her debt), having to find another job. I now plan to follow your advice for her, though not for my friend, as she's "not a future thinker." She doesn't like it when I give her advice relating to future investments.

But, if your mom was an Ne type she would have game plans to fall back on too; this won't work in her case.