Ha I was going to be honest in this thread but then I realized I'd probably wind up lying about it. For a lot of reasons, really. Like laughing at jokes people made even if you think they're just alright or you don't even get them. Smiling when you're pissed and chatting with people you kind of loathe at the moment. Getting out of stuff you don't want to do that day. Lots of tiny things you say or do to make things smoother and avoid conflict. I'm not saying that's a great thing. In fact, I'm pretty ambivalent about even mentioning all this because I just hate the thought that maybe someone reading this will start to wonder if I really think they're funny or if I'm just being nice to them or something. It makes my life easier and I think it makes other people's lives easier, if by easy you mean less time fighting or dealing with unpleasant shit. Overall though I still say I like most people, in one way or another.

I also don't want to make it sound like it's a purely conscious choice and maybe I'm lying to myself. It's hard to tell what I think sometimes or who I am down in the core when I'm with other people, like I'm almost a purely situational animal. Part of it is I really don't want to hurt anybody, so you mirror people, sort of sink into their expectations and play a role until you have to get away and not have to deal with what others want or need or expect from you. I don't know if that's a fear of rejection or being pushed away. Anyway, I guess I'm not really talking about lying anymore so I'm going to stop.