Good, I'm not crazy for seeing that too.Originally Posted by polikujm
Good, I'm not crazy for seeing that too.
Let's see, who was I? Kinda easy going. According to my mom I was always 'the easy child'. Patient, quiet, smiley, sort of the behind the scenes gel that held people together or something. I suppose I was always pretty diplomatic, like I remember volunteering (and I have in my entire life pretty much never signed up for anything remotely approaching work) to be a peer mediator when I was in third or fourth grade. Kept to myself and a few friends. I was an avid reader, purely fantasy, although I ran into one science fiction book that remains the best damn book I've ever read (Red Dwarf). Yeah, I don't know what else to say. Liked PE class, liked animals, wanted to be a writer, liked this one girl in class and a friend and I played keep away from her with a recess ball until she started crying and I felt terrible so I gave it back and apologized and I'm pretty sure I avoided her until she moved away at the end of that year.
Moonlight will fall
Winter will end
Harvest will come
Your heart will mend
MJ was the same Socitype, different Etype, and definitely different basic psychology, lol.
Anyways, my family nicknames me Huckleberry Finn by the time I was 3 or 4. I had an affinity for the outdoors, never stood in one place, and was highly imaginative. I also had an affinity for getting friends and my step-brother in trouble, lol. I also made friends with fire crackers at a young age, and I still have all of my fingers
I was fairly quiet, observant. rebellious when it came to doing what I wanted (though I always attempted to make my parents/teachers think I was doing what they wante me to do, but my way was better, of course-- and undoubtedly, in that aspect it was probably transperant as hell. stubborn. very idealistic in that I thought I could do absolutely anything with my life and be rediculously happy with little money or materials (my how times have changed-- it's easy living that when your a kid, bills suck). I use to sing really loudly outside in my dad's truckbed with a hairbrush as my microphone, people used to yell out their windows for me to shut up (what, it was like 2pm in the day), and I was around 5..or 6. Dancing around in the sunlight-- I remember playing in the backyard of a neighborhood friend; her's was massive with a running creek through it and huge oak trees that had fallen over it to make a bridge, and a wooden swingset hung in between, we would push eachother on them, sing "Scrubs, No I don't want your number, you'rs is a guy..asdfhslkfdj...can't get no love from me" OVER and over....-- and we'd play Native Americans with names like Poison Ivy, Rose...and Sidewalk.. and drink lemonade while we ate pretzels with our legs danglinging off the second story balcony overlooking the backyard. Summers used to be so great. Had a quiet dramatic flair about me I've been told, like something was always brooding underneath. bit awkward when it came to large groups of people.
Always had a sense that I'd be fine with no matter what would happen to me--- even though I was on the anxious side about certain aspects of life. Oh, and a few fist/hair pulling fights.
pretty much the same-- stubborn, goofy, hope-for-the-best-plan-for-the-worst. I let things roll off my back a lot easier now.
I was afraid of people, born social phobic. I always thought that I didn't get the respect that I deserved; that I was treated like shit for not much good reason (and truth be told, I was treated poorly often and had a hard time understanding why) -- which developed my psychological identity as a victim. I also loved to argue. My mom told me that I went on gay rants even at age three lol. Imagine some two year old gay baby ranting at you.
I was hostile and rebellious whenever somebody tried to make me more extroverted or outgoing, I hated them and would draw these pictures of me beating them up. I discovered the internet at age 12 and got hooked on it, because there was a lot of other losers just like me. My best friend, another artist who also has social phobia, we shared many good times together.
Then IRL everybody told me how compassionate and caring I was, which made me hate them even more because I know it's not empathy that turns people on- it's the bad-ass attitude. Maybe that isn't totally true however. I always felt they were being kind of condescending when they were saying it. (Like Galen, I also don't know how to take a compliment. =p) Like "I'm going to eat this innocent baby now and because you're such a caring person, you won't stop me, you little overly emotional ******. Mwa ha ha haha." This made me want to fight evil and I see it everywhere.
And yeah I've been pretty much the same when I was a kid. Sometimes I will lighten up and I will be more outgoing, and thus more likeable in the eyes of others -- but I still wish american society would stop rimming the assholes of extroverts.
I guess what I feel the most guilty about in life is, I always thought people were being sarcastic when they were being nice to me but that wasn't true, they really were just being nice. I always felt that I would be the solo 'nice guy' and it's like that is so lame and not worthy of respect or something. So they would genuinely try to be my friend but I pushed them away because I felt they were being sarcastic. To be fair though they did sort of say it in a playing way. I'm a genie in a bottle, you have to rub me the right way. I'm a lot more confident in my ability to turn the heart strings on in others than anybody doing it to me. =/ It's not just about love tho. I just flat-out feel more confident in my ability to turn other people on then anybody doing that to me. Is that weird?
Can a lover be loved? Can somebody touch me, crack through my rigid stern angry gay man heart? CAN THEY???
well there's dolphin and meg and robin and that cute boy from starr that protected me from bullies. and bionicgoat and gilly and aquagraph and fenryrr now. I guess I am loved back. =p
Last edited by Hot Scalding Gayser; 03-25-2012 at 11:17 AM.
I could only learn through experience. I'd have to stick my finger in a bird cage to know it's bad. Stuff like that. I remember stealing a lot too (from stores mostly.. I think I started screwing people over more when I was a teen). I'd like to say I was "good", because I'd go on little private crusades about something.. but the truth is, that's bullshit. I was shallow. For example, I broke into school one night and pissed on a teacher's desk. He bounced girls on his lap a lot. I think I knew even then something was up about him. But I'm pretty sure that was an afterthought. I just wanted to skateboard on the tiles. I could be social enough, but I did a lot of things on my own. I drew a lot, could shoot a basketball alone for hours.
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Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
My parents described me as being a curious, stubborn, and intellectually-oriented kid. My mother in particular described my tendency to test their parental limits in an almost scientific manner: apparently I wanted to see how much I could get away with under them. I wasn't a "bad kid" or anything, but sometimes my impudence got the better of me. I was very well-behaved and proper outside of the home.
I loved learning. I learned to read at a very early age, and from that point onward read books of encyclopedic nature frequently. Later, I learned how to use my parents' old-ass (I'm not that old) original iMac, and basically read Wikipedia all of the time.
My parents are both NFs, so relative to the average LII I think that my role Fi function is slightly strengthened in appearance, because my parents have provided examples of the usage of this function that I can emulate. Despite my strongly opinionated and at times harsh demeanor, it would be fair to say that I am also warmer than the average LII because of my upbringing.
I was very creative as a child, I would draw, invent card games and draw all the cards and give them to my friends. I learned to read by age 4 and was in advanced reading groups in primary school. I was extremely sensitive and outwardly emotional early on, which has decreased gradually over the years, to the point where my face isn't really that readable to a lot of people. My report cards described me as being very quiet in class, (sometimes quiet achiever, if I liked the class).
Outside class, I was a bit of a smartass, and quite physical, ran around a lot, rode my bike, played handball, I didn't play any proper sports though, as my hand-eye coordination was terrible and video games ended up captivating me instead. I used to go on Newgrounds with my EII friend and be thrilled at anything that had profanity in it. I became obsessed with Final Fantasy games and wanted to be in one myself. By the time I was 9 years old, I would have crushes on upwards of ten girls at a time and not let out a peep about it. Very cheerful and sincere, not really sarcastic. Quite naive and gullible, much to the delight of my older brother who would lie and tease and prank and all those various older brother things one comes to expect.
In high school, I was bullied heavily because of an ear deformity I had and often ended up in fights with a lot of people, especially as I got closer to graduating and my patience had run out. I also stood up for weaker kids, which meant even more fights. I wore a chain on my wallet and had what I can only describe as Meg Ryan hair. I generally floated around to different groups of people in school because most people wouldn't tolerate me being around all that long, and near the end, I was considered by many to be the 'least desired person' in the year form. I remember my parents constantly micromanaging me, criticising me and ensuring I was deprived of any level of privacy. My mum would search my room for things (not sure what) and tell me often that she didn't trust me. Both parents hit me well into my teens until I hit them back and made them stop it. By age 15, I was severely depressed which made my grades drop, which increased the punishments and hitting and micromanagement and criticism.
I went on Final Fantasy forums a lot and had an online SEI girlfriend that lived somewhere in the US that I emailed every day and spoke to on MSN Messenger. In hindsight, I consider her to be one of the most patient people I have ever come across. I remember going on 4chan a lot and getting massively into music, starting out with stuff like The Shins, Minus the Bear, The Unicorns, Ben Folds, The Postal Service, etc, later moving to stuff like At the Drive-In, Isis, Agalloch, Opeth, Arcturus, Explosions in the Sky, Mr. Bungle and whatnot. I remember fiddling around with making games to varying levels of success (never finished anything, unfortunately). I remember really liking the show The O.C. and watched it every week. I also really loved my cat. I consider my teens to be the worst part of my life to date, though it seems there was still enjoyment found in escapism.
Last edited by oldwhiskey; 04-10-2016 at 09:54 AM.
I was very independent, self-directed, and got called a smart-ass a lot. Read a ton, taught myself how when I was about 3 and never stopped reading everything in front of me, from the ingredient list on cereal boxes to every book I could lay my hands on including dictionaries and encyclopedias, but I also spent many many hours outside teaching myself how to do gymnastic tricks, or seeing how fast I could run, or how many push-ups I could do. I once stood on my head for hours until my parents made me stop. I just liked testing my limits, finding out what I could do. Very very persistent, kept at things no longer how long it took until I got it to my satisfaction.
I talked to my dog a lot, and felt that he was a great listener and understood everything. I tended to blurt things out and got told more times than I can count to "think before you speak" but was slow in learning that one, and so spent my entire 1st grade year facing the wall in a corner during math class because I kept answering all the questions out loud before the teacher had even gone over them.
I liked to think about things, and I remember when I was about 5 contemplating the idea of mortality for a long time, and considering the idea that we never know how long we have to live, like clocks winding down, but nobody ever knew how far their clock was wound. I took most things at face-value and literally, and didn't quite get the concept of sarcasm until my dad explained it to me when I was in 3rd grade or so. It hadn't occurred to me for some reason that people wouldn't say what they meant. Other kids seemed to like me and wanted to be my friend. I never had to try to make friends, they just came to me.
I'm still a smart-ass, but maybe have gotten a little better at holding my tongue and I still talk to animals like they can understand me, even the goldfish, and I'm still stubborn and persistent, but want to recapture more of that single-minded devoted focus I used to have. I've spent many years training myself out of pursuit of greatness, and I want now to remedy that. I want to find my limits and expand them, push past them. I've held myself back for too long, now it's time to let go and find out what I can really do. I still enjoy ruminating on ideas and testing myself physically. When I injured my achilles tendon it was torture having to hold back from doing things and let it rest. It took forever to heal too, though it probably didn't help that as soon as I thought it might be okay I'd overuse it and be back to waiting for it to heal again.
A few things from childhood carry over: casual but quick interest in learning things, inferiority in the realms of physicality and being social. That said there are a few things I did better as a kid than I do now. I was not very anxious, besides obvious nerdy conflicts at the lunch table. I was friends with whoever and was pretty blind to who was around me because people just seemed to be around me. Now I am too anxious and stuck up to have that comfort. I was also much less critical towards myself in general... I would spend days reading in the library because I had already done all the lessons and just honestly absorb everything. Now, I've got too much shit on my mind to be present in anything, even learning.
But when I was a kid I had zero patience. My patience still isn't legendary, but I am capable of delayed gratification. When I was a kid it seemed like it was life or death whether I would have something. This continues by my low tolerance of boredom. When it was time for the next thing, the next thing better have been there, and as soon as I decided it was time for the next thing.
After I had some deaths in the family, I woke up to the new reality and sort of wasn't allowed to exist as I had before. This was the mark of adulthood.
Something else I did as a kid(constantly, literally every second of every idle moment some periods) was draw. I don't draw anymore, but I still hold art in extremely high regard, definitely beyond the naive 'i like doing this' understanding I had as a kid.
Musical representation. I also posted this in songs that describe you. Not to be taken too literal.
Cryptic I know but I have written too much about myself here already, over the past couple years. This song is inwardly directed so not related to the people in my life, just the people in my own head.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
I was a wreck. Now I'm a bigger wreck. But that's how I like me, and everyone gets a scrap of this wreck.
･ﾟ*✧ 𝓘 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒶𝒸𝒸𝑒𝓅𝓉 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓘 𝒹𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒 ✧*:･ﾟ
When I was child , I was very very very active , mom used to take me to the doctor immediately when she found me asleep in the middle of the day or quiet. ( she knew I'm sick this way )
Now, I'm much calmer and noticeably less mobile and active
This is because I somewhat adapt to the environment I live in, when i was a child I was in a more noisy environment downtown , and now I am in a rural environment far from the city
When I go to an active environment, it's hard for me to relax, and when I get home, it's hard for me to get away from the couch
Souls know their way back home
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