Soupman, this is just so spot on that i dont even know where to begin.
Firstly i'd like to comment that perhaps a quasi-relation between friends may play out differently than between a mentor-mentee. However, not unlike how you described your relationship with your quasi-friend, I do realize that this EIE mentor was trying his best to be a good mentor, and i appreciated it a lot. Its just that i'm under a lot of time pressure, and didn't have much more time to waste in trying to get us to understand each other which ultimately led to my decision to call it quits with him and pick someone else to mentor me.
I'm serious this is just a PERFECT description of how things went for me. Amazing, it's almost like you were there with me!. Let me give some examples. To give some context, he is a professor of science and i joined his lab to work with him for a bit to learn from him by doing projects together and perhaps writing one (or more) up into a publishable article. So basically his style is as such -- he comes up with an idea and sits down and writes a "dream paper" right off the bat. Now this "dream paper" thing was such a foreign, strange concept to me. Basically what it is--he writes what he envisions the article will be once we do all the experiments and get the results, etc. From my standpoint, that is such a useless exercise because starting out with an idea, you never know how it will work out. My style is more like come up with a cool idea, do experiments, see where the experiments take you, if it's something interesting, THEN sit down look over everything and write the article. Writing the "dream paper" almost feels like making up stuff, to me. Though I did recognize that he was just trying to put something in front of him (and me) as something to aim for (it really did nothing for me, i totally ignored it and figured i would start from scratch when i have something publishable).EIE start by thinking about where ideally they'd like the goal, result they'd like to acquire and what is very confusing for IEE is that they will constantly tweak this until its right; this feels very alien to IEE who then constantly become baffled by all the alterations being made to the target and how demanding they seem to be about the targets they wish to see which they will constantly edit. This produces stress on IEE who feels like they are having way too many demands called upon them and they barely have time to attend them since tweaks are always added.
Along similar, but unrelated, lines-- when I was verbalizing my dissatisfaction with the direction things were going (shortly before I called it quits with him), he sent me an email listing some of the vague topics i had told him i'd rather be working on in a spreadsheet, his "assignment" for me being to list deadlines by which I would finish the data collection, write up the paper, and submit the paper to a journal for each of these topics. Mind you we'd BARELY talked about these topics, much less discussed what would be involved in projects coming off of those topics. How can I possibly know when i can finish collecting the data, when we dont even know if data can be collected, how it will go, etc??? much less about writing up the paper or submitting it to a journal! It just confirmed my decision that I needed a different kind of mentoring, and it was actually in response to that email that I sent him my resignation (even though I'd already sort of decided to leave even beforehand). After I sent the resignation, he explained that he was just trying to get me to see that i'm so close to having a publication (yeah right...confirmed my decision even more). But what you described there basically explains this crazy stuff -- EIEs just need that endpoint to be able to work towards it, even if they end up changing the "deadlines" 1000 times. On the other hand, I found it freaking STIFLING and just totally pointless. I saw it as him putting pressure on me, and in a way it had a paralyzing effect on me.
but yes, the general dynamic tended to be him constantly coming up with new ideas like a maniac never letting me finish the previous ideas, and that left me feeling increasingly lost, and that he had no regard for the time that i had available to do this work. I like to bring things to completion and it just couldn't happen with that sort of a dynamic.