Please feel free to ask, compliment, insult, moralize or type me in any way.
I'll be using this thread as my diary.
I'm only Words Written on Water
Please feel free to ask, compliment, insult, moralize or type me in any way.
I'll be using this thread as my diary.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
I'm still not over my ex.
We talked in English 90% of the time though we're both fluent in Finnish. We drank a lot and smoked the herb occasionally. She was this IEI sharpie (SHARP = Skinheads Against Racial Prejudice) girl. I'm a sex addict and we didn't have rules so I fucked someone else and casually told her about it the next time we saw. Then I realized that not hurting her should've been the thumb rule. I guess Fi PoLR can be a bad thing as well. Then she broke up with me. I could have gone through a lot of hard time celibacy to have her back.
Later on she said she didn't have those kind of feelings to me anymore. That helped. Now she contacted me. That didn't help. I played distant as I'm starting to get over her. I've never been so in love.
Occupy Helsinki camp has taken a lot of time away from drugs, alcohol and thinking about her. Haven't been this long (two weeks) sober for a year.
The incoming welfare check is going to change that as well. I'm not good with money.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
You should go get her back, and don't give a fuck what she feels right now(Fi-Polr). Your job to make her love you, better to fail then not try. If you are duals, you should have a good chance to succeed if you try hard enough and be yourself.
I think a lot of time when young people will fuck up their first good relationship due to immaturity, this is usually something worth reigniting.
I think if you guys never agreed to be exclusive, you were ok. And you did a great thing by being honest with her. I know she was hurt, by assuming you were, but things always get confusing when they are assumed. So just make sure next time, if you get back with her or someone else, to have the 'exclusive' conversation.
I really like this diary.
Writing is a great way to express yourself and grow. And posting it here for us all to see is very bold. I think you're showing, Aquagraph, that you want to change your life for the better, and I'm glad you're continuing to change.
TWO WEEKS SOBER!!!! CAN YOU MAKE IT TO 3!!!
I hinted her about agreeing with some rules, but she evaded the discussions with her attachment issues so I saw it good not to pursue further in that area. Maybe she wanted me to just tell her that we're datingOriginally Posted by Mountain Dew
Change is inevitable after a mistake. Growth follows after crisis.I think you're showing, Aquagraph, that you want to change your life for the better, and I'm glad you're continuing to change.
Already smoked pot and drank a bit. Actually high right now. Nevertheless, I've found some activity to replace mind-altering substance use. I had no problem with it. It was a good way to pass time when I can't motivate my depressed mind to do anything else. Merely a symptom of something considered to be a problem.TWO WEEKS SOBER!!!! CAN YOU MAKE IT TO 3!!!
Believe me, I tried. Now she's going to move to Ireland to Dublin University. I was the first to hear that the university accepted her when we were about to start dating.
Just like in the movies.
----
Confession to All of You
I believe that I'm a so-called hacker mentality. My friends have told me that while being highly socially able, I have autistic features. I think my calculativeness on people as well has helped me building social intelligence. I'm highly calculative, although most of the earlier calculatied moves are already being executed without a thought, subconsciously, as I have hacked myself a persona to suit my needs. Though the persona has flaws and is being built by lot of constructions which I cannot undo, many of those affected by factors that have been built-in from my environment and biology.
Actually, this experimentation goes so far that I've created experiments for studying and do some social moves just for the interest of "what happens if this character that is 'me' does this". It is fairly simple to study social moves through internet as I have a lot of time to develop a persona and to try this traits among you, for example. I'm also inclined to find it interesting to see which ones of you find it insulting to be talked of as a test subject, even though, I must admit, you're a likable bunch and I hope you saw my fondness towards you in my act. And don't believe that I lied to you. Too much, that is. I'm highly honest person, but I will show you my only lie I can recall (and propably the only one I told you, believe it or not); I've known myself to be pretty much fitted to the description of ILE (as this was the most accurate model in socionics to describe me) since the time I started being active poster and changed my nickname from Irony Of Antinomy. It was interesting to see how you gave basis for SLE theory and showed again the frailty which persists in every model and this I did with my character - the Text Written in Water, aquagraphic. Do you now see this. This and the fact that there was a nice bit of attention that I enjoyed.
Oh, there was another -a rather minor- lie; NewBornStar knew my type. And there was a bit deception; Agarina and NewBornStar knew of my scheme, but I told them to keep it a secret.
Socionics is just a new tool to me, nothing serious. Whether what type is related to having HIV or some other trait that isn't clearly over-represented would be totally a matter of trivia - and a fun fact at best.
This was highly interesting as it seems I suffer from the highly frustrating drive to be real good at my role function. I got some results from this study. And I had fun. Hope the ones whom I liked enjoyed my company though some of you may see me as highly devious from now on.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
That's what you get hanging out with commies.
Give socionics experts socionics and they will make you whatever you want them to make you.I'm highly honest person, but I will show you my only lie I can recall (and propably the only one I told you, believe it or not); I've known myself to be pretty much fitted to the description of ILE (as this was the most accurate model in socionics to describe me) since the time I started being active poster and changed my nickname from Irony Of Antinomy.
So, you are ILE? thought so ;p
Well since you're typing ILE(wasn't sure what your type was exactly), you're now properly buggered and should resign yourself to a life limerence and unrequited love. Welcome to the 16types.info!
Here's a clip for you.
Good.
I was limerent over an ILE-Ti for 7 years! There may be a "Mirage" effect.. on.
Oh, the ILE-Ti character in my avatar is not an accident.subtype is clear as well.
Last edited by Aquagraph; 11-23-2011 at 10:22 PM.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
Don't people almost always try to paint theirselves as whom they think they are, even on a conscious level?
I might want to say I'm realPoLR to:
-show that it's not necessarily a bad thing. To point out the good thing about having weak
-explain myself for many forms of social rudeness I might have, giving it a name makes it more understandable.
-chant it until it becomes so as a experiment
-building up confidence in being an
-build up some kind of picture since life is scary without even the most vague picture of one's self/ Borderline personality disorder
Besides, when you wanna play a role that is defined between ILE and SLE, you cannot talk -in terms of socionics- about much else thanvaluing.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
No. People don't that. Not everyone anyway. I'd say that's more of a LIE/EIE thing, in socionics, they would be the most susceptible to do such consciously. Honestly, if you don't see yourself as any type (my impression), you are better off not painting an unrealistic picture of yourself.Don't people almost always try to paint theirselves as whom they think they are, even on a conscious level?
I might want to say I'm real
-show that it's not necessarily a bad thing. To point out the good thing about having weak
-explain myself for many forms of social rudeness I might have, giving it a name makes it more understandable.
-chant it until it becomes so as a experiment
-building up confidence in being an
-build up some kind of picture since life is scary without even the most vague picture of one's self/ Borderline personality disorder
Besides, when you wanna play a role that is defined between ILE and SLE, you cannot talk -in terms of socionics- about much else than
That's, actually, what some people on here do, just to justify whatever type they want to be. "Oh, I think I'm LII, but want to be ILI or SLE, so I'm going to act like one and bollocks like that", and they change and change, and change, get pissed at other people for not taking them seriously, and they leave.
Do you not understand that the self-image is at best a script, not a picture based on realism?
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
This thing about Fi polr and being an asshole is not really correct. Many ILEs are very nice people and they can react very strongly to bad behaviour and disrespect.-building up confidence in being an
Here is an article about polr: http://en.socionics.ru/index.php?opt...251&Itemid=139
Many younger Fi PoLR will recieve many criticisms about their lack of tact/respect and other aspects of social behavior. Many of which are stupid, disrespectful and dishonorable. However when one is young, it is often the case that one does not have much power in overcoming these requirements and absurdities. It often leads to a self-image of being disrespectful while not really being the case. I find Fi-PoLR types generally adopt a personal code of honor and conduct as they grow which is maintain and imposed strictly and impersonally( especially to their close ones). (
aquagraph:
1)turn off PC
2)grab a camera
3)get out of asylum
4)find ville
5)take pics
6)go back to asylum
7)post pics on forum
Heh. He did.
Notice that I said
This, especially the bolded part.Many younger Fi PoLR will recieve many criticisms about their lack of tact/respect and other aspects of social behavior. Many of which are stupid, disrespectful and dishonorable. However when one is young, it is often the case that one does not have much power in overcoming these requirements and absurdities. It often leads to a self-image of being disrespectful while not really being the case. I find Fi-PoLR types generally adopt a personal code of honor and conduct as they grow which is maintain and imposed strictly and impersonally( especially to their close ones). (
I have a somewhat strict personal code of honor that is real internalized and I'm always ready to explain moral grounds of my actions or admit the lack of it. Look, I just like saying that I'm a total asswipe although I consider myself a really good person. Then again I am a cold, cynical, petty and self-absorbed person. They don't exclude one another, they are more like embracing one another. The Coin has to have the two sides in order to function.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
I see. Sorry, I'm going a little off topic maybe you were not really talking about this, but what I meant was that IMO polr doesn't mean not caring about x function. That's where the problem lies, we still care about polr, but it's experienced painfully and we have problems using it in a balanced manner. Going to extremes (ignoring/emphasizing) will just make the polr more painful. So challanging situations are not welcome. In my experience ILEs are the once who often are the most sensitive to manifestations of bad relationships or attitude towards other people, they don't know how to deal with it mentally. I don't know what the ILEs in this forum say about this, but that's what I've seen again and again with people I meet.Notice that I said
Thinking about ourselves in terms of polr is tricky because we have a hard time deciding how we really are in this area.
Good post. Take my posts with a grain of salt as I fail to be serious even for a second. I'm actually highly self-conscious about the signals I give off and sometimes I'm constantly worrying about not being intrusive, offensive, overtly nice and other things. My SEI friend makes me a real nice person and my speaking tone changes to a softer version and I'm very considerate. Being nice, genuine, interested and open to me can make this beast something very humane and loving being. I just have these two sides to me.
Btw, posting here anything about concerning me is not offtopic.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
I find it funny that mostly only political things like this make me shed a tear.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
Went back to XLE-Ti as it is more accurate in it's inclusiveness.
Also, come and VI me today to the video chatroom. Or just come to hangout. I'm bored for once.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
I was on a train and saw a girl with stunningly beautiful eyes and some subtle oldschool gothic features in her apperance. I wrote a note where I'm telling about my reaction to her and included my phone number in it.
I waited until she was about to leave (I never want to seem like a creep who's gonna follow you home).
She refused to accept my note! There I were, standing with receipt containing beer purchases, the note with my cryptic handwriting. I felt really ashamed. Then I realized the following:
Roni's (that's my name) girl likes surprises and people. Roni's girl is curious about total strangers. Roni's girl propably finds Roni interesting and attractive at first sight.
..and preferrably doesn't meet Roni in similar way that Roni met his last ex, who he ain't still over..
I think this is something that one might call good self-esteem.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
Yay! I saw a guy walking with his gf in the mall yesterday with beautifully kept, waist length blonde hair. I love it when people have unique features that look good, like tattoos or piercings that..fit the person. It's so interesting and cool.I was on a train and saw a girl with stunningly beautiful eyes and some subtle oldschool gothic features in her apperance. I wrote a note where I'm telling about my reaction to her and included my phone number in it.
I waited until she was about to leave (I never want to seem like a creep who's gonna follow you home).
She refused to accept my note! There I were, standing with receipt containing beer purchases, the note with my cryptic handwriting. I felt really ashamed. Then I realized the following:
Roni's (that's my name) girl likes surprises and people. Roni's girl is curious about total strangers. Roni's girl propably finds Roni interesting and attractive at first sight.
..and preferrably doesn't meet Roni in similar way that Roni met his last ex, who he ain't still over..
I think this is something that one might call good self-esteem.
I rarely touch "normal" people.
I also propably couldn't date a non-vegetarian.. I'm a hipster.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
Ew hipsters. BACON!!
Again with the meat-eater-trying-to-shock-vegetarians phenomenom...
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
Ahaha, but I never expect you to be shocked. I'm just having fun.
Whatever, it just seems like there's a lot of pride in being ignorant carnivore, especially in white heterosexual men.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
I think it's cliche and overused, and yet I still laugh at those kinds of jokes. I don't have an undying loyalty to meat, but I did eat bacon this morning, so it came to mind.
I think vegetarianism has the potential to be attractive if you're informed about it or you make it interesting in some way. The other week this guy told me that he was vegetarian because of some vaguely hinted to episode where he got sick over meat. Apparently he couldn't talk about it clearly in the moment; he just alluded to a harrowing experience that I never actually got to hear about, then proceeded to talk about how he much he loved cheese pizza. I don't want to judge because I love cheese pizza too, but I always thought that somehow vegetarianism was a bit analogous to rejection of uniformed bestiality/animal nature, that to refuse meat you somehow became a bit above the ways of the food chain..and imo to unabashedly guzzle cheese pizza is as good of a show of uninhibited bestiality as anything.
I think most people are an interesting mix of empathetic ****** and brutal str8 guy qualities. =p
My entp friend was telling me about a tv show (don't know the name sorry) that tried to troll straight men by having one of the characters be the typical macho bad-ass type that every male wants to be. The guy that robs from people and is bad-ass and talks a lot of shit, etc. But then later on they show him wanting mansexlove from another man. So like at first guys can be 'this dude is so cool he's just like me!' when they see him acting like an asshole, and then they see him kiss another man and they're like 'OH SHIT.'
I wish I broke more stereotypes, but I don't really. I am a typical ******. I advocate for other people to be nicer and kinder and softer too much. I don't really like social harshness or meanness or people talking bad shit about other people (unless it's really 'deserved') I'm too much of a goody goody. I was afraid of the football in junior high and stuff.
However I get in these romantic drama fights with gay guys that are a lot more bad-ass and asshole-like than me. Like guys who were really athletic and skilled physically and knew how to catch the football but were still gay. They were very estp, had masculine deep voices, had a HUGE criminal record, etc. We were crazy about each other cuz it was like yin/yang.
Maybe I'm not as nice and sweet as I think. =p I mean I was locked up before.
Anyways we put people in these stupid categories of 'mean straight guy' and 'overly nice gay guy' way too much and it's not really fair to people.
If I would be mainly gay, I'd try to make myself a perfect stereotype breaker.
People talk what they perceive and many gay men are ******s.
The best we can actually do is to step out of our frame.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
Dear diary...
Last night was pretty awesome. It included alcohol but, sadly, no drunken sex. I met the roller derby gurrrrl I've been stalking on Facebook. Wicked. She flirted a bit (
Then we went to the infamous Kallio district.
A junkie approached us in a bar adn asked for money for the bus. He threw cocaine in the bar table without giving a shit as we gave him 5e. It was pretty good. Agarina tried it for the first time, it gave her a bit Se powers. Later on we saw him being arrested.
I also picked up some girl from the bus stop just by confronting and basically saying "COME WITH US". We went to NBS's place. Then she left as she realized that we are drunken teens (she was 26, we are about 20 on average) in the middle of the week hanging out in a small cell of an apartment with working people trying to get some honest night sleep. Whoops.
I went to escort her way out and she kissed me and said we'll probably bump into one another. Wicked.
Shortly after, we passed out.
Last edited by Aquagraph; 04-12-2012 at 12:15 PM.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
You're cool.
I think the butches stand out more somehow. It looks like for every 5 fit ones there's a bigger girl. But even the bigger girls are pretty cool with the killer look in their eyes!
...Not that I would touch such a creature.
I kinda know it.. but it still sounds awesome to hear affirmation outside of my head! Thanks!
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
This is something I often want to quote.
I have lost the holy touch with the actor. I only know characters. I have a sick liking to being liked. Somehow I feel like I'm doing a good job at getting to be liked. Not to say that there wouldn't be people who find me totally obnoxious. I feel like a blind dick. I have no clue of what I really am most of the time.
I've been posing characters to people with obvious flaws. I wanted them to attack and pick the flaws like tearing wounds to recover a bullet from a seeping shot wound.
But they always intuitively knew that the wound is on a projected character that is not me, but rather on a twisted work of art.
I feel so blind. I wish I could feel more like this because totally blind men at least know that all the reality they will ever see is something drug induced, the most common being those images seen at dreams. I don't know what I love and cherish. It all seems like a big joke of some kind...
And I somehow feel very sorry at the bottom of my existence. I bear immense guilt and I don't know why. I really needed someone to talk to. I just never trusted the people around me. It felt too personal talking to them while seeing their eyes..
I'm here to entertain, right?
I'm aware that I sound emo as fuck. So be it.
I always somehow felt that a breeze of hatred cleanses the conformism of my character. And being not conformed, you'd be more yourself. But it's just trickery.
HAH the magician tricked by his own spells!
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
I had drunken meth sex with my mistress. She has girlfriend potential. I didn't come as I was too damn high and then I woke up with the condom still in my penis. I saw no reason to remove it. I feel well prepared for sex as I can just raise the edge of my kilt and fuck.
Oh, and, no, I don't have anything under it. Countless of people have seen my junk. You'd be amazed how often people, regardless of gender and sexual orientation, request me to prove my authenticity. Some even dare to take a look without requesting permission. I also often wake up and get complaints about privacy aesthetics. Then I say fuck you.
Last edited by Aquagraph; 05-11-2012 at 10:32 AM.
I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in and the West in general into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden
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