Bed behavior (non-sexual, well, mostly)

[Creepy-male]

I never make my bed, I just have a huge bed and fuck load of sheets on it, when I am tired I take the sheets and put them on top and sleep. I lay in whatever position feels good. If its too hot I use less sheets, if its too cold I use more sheets.

I think it would be awesome to have a giant bed like structure that is the size of a trampoline and fuck loads of pillows and sheets just thrown on it, and when you are tired you just find some sheets and stuff and area on the bed/trampoline thing and sleep on it -- if I had space and money that's what I would do.

[jessica129]

It happens usually when the girl has friend zoned a guy, I guess. I can't ever see a guy wanting to just "cuddle" lol

I had an EIE friend who always wanted to cuddle with me. I'd usually refuse & he'd get all bitchy about it. Occasionally I would, because he'd make me feel bad about it & call me a lesbian. He later admitted that he always liked me & wanted to be more than friends... so it made sense.

Sometimes my best friend (female SEE) jumps up & snuggles next to me. It'd definitely nothing sexual; it's just the way she is.

Yeah I just know that no matter how many times a guy has told me he only sees me as a friend, it's basically a lie most of the time. I know that when I friendzone a guy, I can't give those mixed messages because it gives them hope when there is none so I wouldn't even be on the same bed as them. A male friend of mine is starting to get really creepy in this regard. No means no for christ sake. I don't think he'll be my friend much longer...and yeah he does get pissed when I don't give in but that's his issue.

[Aquagraph]

Yes! Fuckloads of pillows would be awesome. A whole room, mattress flooring, fuckloads of pillows... as long as it didn't end up resembling a padded white cell.

"I FUCKING LOVE PILLOWS! GAAH"

[Suz]

Yeah I just know that no matter how many times a guy has told me he only sees me as a friend, it's basically a lie most of the time. I know that when I friendzone a guy, I can't give those mixed messages because it gives them hope when there is none so I wouldn't even be on the same bed as them. A male friend of mine is starting to get really creepy in this regard. No means no for christ sake. I don't think he'll be my friend much longer...and yeah he does get pissed when I don't give in but that's his issue.

I've noticed this too. I've sort of come to the conclusion that men and women can't be close platonic friends (unless one of them is gay). Even if it starts out platonic, if you like each other to be good friends it tends to generate non-platonic feelings eventually. And if you've decided you dont like a guy enough to develop romantic feelings, you may as well just not be friends at all. Thats how i feel about guys i decide to "friend-zone".

[jessica129]

I'm perfectly ok being friends with a guy forever and never having romantic feelings towards him...I had one but he still tried things after I told him it wasn't like that which is a huge shame because it was never the same after that. I didn't even want to invite him to do anything for fear he'd get the wrong message, which he usually did. I wish some guys would just understand that you can't change a girls mind and to take no for an answer and to stop having alterior motives.

[Uncertainty]

I've noticed this too. I've sort of come to the conclusion that men and women can't be close platonic friends (unless one of them is gay). Even if it starts out platonic, if you like each other to be good friends it tends to generate non-platonic feelings eventually. And if you've decided you dont like a guy enough to develop romantic feelings, you may as well just not be friends at all. Thats how i feel about guys i decide to "friend-zone".

I don't know, I have a few good friends who are women. So it's either that one of us is homosexual or attracted to the other, haha I think our relationships are platonic, though. If they were to ask me out or go beyond the line between platonic and romantic I wouldn't be receptive because I don't see them that way. I don't think they see me in that light either, but I guess I don't really know for sure since I'm not them.

[Aquagraph]

If I find a female friend attractive, it's hard to imagine her just that; a friend. Although my best friend is someone I cannot think sexually although I used to be in love with her and I still praise her beauty and grace.
I've been thinking what would happen if she came on to me whilst we're drunk. I still propably think I'd say no. The same applies to women whose boyfriend I respect. I won't let myself think of them any other way.

Come to think of it, it's not uncommon for me to flirt with my gay male friends. I believe they might want something more out of me. Latest case joked about us getting a farm and children of our own.

[Pescadores]

I didn't experienced any unbearable drama about friendship between boys-girls.

I've got quite a many male-friends, I slept with like a dozens of them cuddling or not without ever inappropriately getting physical,
and if they expressed any unwanted romantical feelings towards me, I never thought it's big deal at all, or should be, I just waited a little,
and kept a bit distance, until he got a gf for himself, so it all gone, and everything's back to normal.

Frankly, I had only one (thought-as)friend, who became really insistent, creepy and annoying stalker of mine, who never listened on any way I said no, end I had to break all the connections.
The funny thing is, it was she, and before that, and since than she's hetero, so I heard.


Also during college I shared 2,5room with 6guys on 3semester.(+we had most of the time some of they gf's, my actual bf, friends or siblings from other town sleeping over for visit.)

But this sleeptogether thing it's not like, 'Hey, let's share a bed tonight, just because why not!'.
More special occasions, like sharing a tent, backseat, even sleeping-bag on trips, or visit each others town on birthdays, or whatever.

Well so it was at least back in the brightest old days, till last summer, but my current bf doesn't thinks that like me at all, and quite pigheaded against it.

[Absurd]

The funny thing is, it was she, and before that, and since than she's hetero, so I heard.

Are you homosexual?

[Pescadores]

No, I'm straight. That outofblue-obsession was the very least of her issues at the time anyway,
so I seriously doubt I would have do her, even if she would be he.

[Absurd]

No, I'm straight. That outofblue-obsession was the very least of her issues at the time anyway,
so I seriously doubt I would have do her, even if she would be he.

Thank god.

[Jenna]

In my experience, every male friend that I've gotten close to has ended up developing feelings for me, or had them from the beginning and I just didn't know. (I'm really bad at figuring out when someone likes me.) I don't mind being friends with them but I just keep my distance so I don't lose them completely (that is, the ones that have not made advances) I've dated a few, some of them ended up mildly stalking me. It kinda sucks, especially when you like their company aside from all of that(why else would we have been friends in the first place?) which kind of brings this back to what WA said. In high school, the majority of my friends were guys (though my closest friends were females) and going through my facebook friends, I'm only friends with two of those guys - the ones that I didn't get very close to.
The only male I have maintained my friendship with is my SEE best friend. We tried dating but it didn't work out so now we are just friends. But he is the only male that I regularly (well, kind of regularly) talk to besides my boyfriend or family.

Also I don't think I made it clear that I don't cuddle with guys that I'm not in a relationship with. If it's a female I don't care, with them it's just a friend thing. It depends on the person though I guess, like I'm just more likely to if they are ethical types because I don't think logical types are as open (but that's just generally, depends on the person)

And my boyfriend is lame and doesn't cuddle after sex (I forgot about that part in my last post). He showers and reads the news instead.

[force my hand]

I've never cuddled with anyone I wasn't having a sexual relationship with, and I can't think of a case where I ever would, excluding my future children.... and even then I would see more as 'hanging out with physical contact' as opposed to cuddling.

I sleep on my sides and change them frequently. When I'm with my girlfriend I usually fall asleep as big spoon. I'll often wake up little spoon, though, which is nice - I'll tolerate it - but it still feels a little bit wrong. Sometimes I'll sleep on my back if my girlfriend has already snuggled in. She likes smelling my armpit too, which seems really freaking odd and hilarious to me.

[jessica129]

I feel weird being the little spoon

[Jenna]

I hate being big spoon, as little spoon you feel safe and protected and warm.

[nanashi]

I've noticed this too. I've sort of come to the conclusion that men and women can't be close platonic friends (unless one of them is gay). Even if it starts out platonic, if you like each other to be good friends it tends to generate non-platonic feelings eventually. And if you've decided you dont like a guy enough to develop romantic feelings, you may as well just not be friends at all. Thats how i feel about guys i decide to "friend-zone".

I don't feel that way at all. I have many, many lovely across-genders friendships that are very supportive and non-sexual. I also, separately, have men I date. I also have some friends with whom I've subsequently had relationships.

[Beautiful sky]

How do you position yourself in the bed?

I start off on my right and roll to my left side and right again.

Against the wall? Feotus-position? On one's tummy?
How about in relation to your partner, if existent and present? Towards the partner? If situationally dependant, how so?

Fetal position, on my side.

Does resting your leg on top of your partner's hip, waist or thigh give you a sense of power, "ownership" or the sense you're making your partner feeling safe?

No

Does receiving a resting leg on top of your hip, waist or thigh make you feel safe?

No; our body parts rarely cross when we're asleep

(How) do you signal your wish to be closer to your bed partner, especially if you want to be subtle? Or how do you show your permission for your partner to come closer?

Start kissing and moaning. A way I look at him, smile at him;

[nanashi]

I hate being big spoon, as little spoon you feel safe and protected and warm.

I have liked being 'little' spoon sometimes. I am long. Perhaps it's me being 5'9," or me being ILI, or a host of other things, but after I make out with someone with Fi in his ego block, I am surprised to find my arms around them...like I'm protecting them. It keeps happening. An ISFj-Fi startled me out of my Ni visionary ramblings on our first date with,"I've never been held before.(He smiled.) I kind of like it." I looked down at his face and realized I was sitting up and holding him...he's solid muscle....but I was protective of him.

My friend is a gorgeous SLE...she and her boyfriend are constantly getting their apartment broken into. She frequently privately confides in me about a strong urge to protect him. He's a tall, big, laid back guy. She's just so attached to him and intense that she just barrels out of her room like a protective rottweiler when she thinks a new thief is breaking in. And she's an athletic, Type 8, so she scares the shit out of some people.

I think I actually feel protected when a man doesn't demean idealistic, serious me in public--when he respects me in front of his friends. Social protection.

[jessica129]

My friend is a gorgeous SLE...she and her boyfriend are constantly getting their apartment broken into. She frequently privately confides in me about a strong urge to protect him. He's a tall, big, laid back guy. She's just so attached to him and intense that she just barrels out of her room like a protective rottweiler when she thinks a new thief is breaking in. And she's an athletic, Type 8, so she scares the shit out of some people..

If that happened to me once, i'd probably be out of there...why is she still living there?

[Aquagraph]

Aww I come back and everyone's talking about the niceness of spoons of different size!

[Creepy-Snaps]

I love cuddling.

I love to hold the person I love. Not sure if it's gender or type-related, but I feel a strong need to protect them from everything. I'd feel weird if a girl would want to physically protect me, but at the same time I think it's nice when a girl looks out for me: a girl I've been talking with the past couple weeks says 'Make sure to get a good night's sleep' or "hey im about to leave for home. ill call you when I arrive? use your lunch to refuel!" It's nice to know she's thinking of me... sorry to get a bit off-topic, with bed positions.

[willekeurig]

I've noticed this too. I've sort of come to the conclusion that men and women can't be close platonic friends (unless one of them is gay). Even if it starts out platonic, if you like each other to be good friends it tends to generate non-platonic feelings eventually. And if you've decided you dont like a guy enough to develop romantic feelings, you may as well just not be friends at all. Thats how i feel about guys i decide to "friend-zone".

Hey, no? Would this mean bisexuals cannot have close friends at all?

Unlike many others here, I hardly ever have problems with obsessive male friends who "just don't get the hint". As far as I know, most of them have never had a crush on me, and the otheres that have haven't caused any trouble. Unless of course I've secrectly liked their attention and played with their feelings by purposefully giving out mixed signals. (In which case I can't really blame anyone but myself, so yeah.). Roughly half of my friends are of the opposite gender and keeping these relationships platonic has not been an issue, even if we have cuddled or slept in the same tent/bed/sleeping bag or kissed or whatever.

Maybe this could be at least partly culture-related? The Finnish society strongly encourages equality and liberalism (we have mixed saunas and all! ), it's a pretty feminist place actually. The difference to e.g South-European countries where women/men stereotypically tend to act/dress/speak/younameit in a very feminine/masculine way, and even the UK where many women stay at home taking care of the house/children while the man provides for the family is easy to tell. So it could be that the people around here are more used to seeing the memebers of the opposite gender in a platonic way?

Sorry for the off-topicness

[willekeurig]

How do you position yourself in the bed? Against the wall? Feotus-position? On one's tummy? How about in relation to your partner, if existent and present? Towards the partner? If situationally dependant, how so?

All of the above and many others too, sometimes I lie on my back, sometimes I hug my pillow etc. It's difficult to find a position comfortable enough to fall asleep so I change them all the time. I like being the big spoon just as well as the little one. And according to my sister, I kick a lot while asleep.

(How) do you signal your wish to be closer to your bed partner, especially if you want to be subtle? Or how do you show your permission for your partner to come closer?

I ask them and/or pull them towards me. I guess I'm not very subtle, as I only cuddle with people I feel at ease with (= no need to be subtle) or I'm too drunk to care.

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KILL AN ERECTION IF WHEN YOU WANT TO KEEP IT NONSEXUAL YET YOU ARE SPOONING?!

Try thinking about having sex with your granny? Idk, I can imagine it being a little uncomfortable/embarrassing for the man, especially if they don't know the partner that well, but women really won't care.

[Aquagraph]

Try thinking about having sex with your granny?

I tried picturing her naked. Didn't help, the situations of arousal are too severe and real for me to imagine something that is not there.

[Codie]

^^Put a pillow or a folded jumper down there ?

[Aquagraph]

^^Put a pillow or a folded jumper down there ?

"..Lift your head a bit.. I'll just swipe this.. thanks.. My penis really needs this for no particular reason".

That's actually somewhat clever, though suspicious. It also makes her more distant.

[FDG]

Hey, no? Would this mean bisexuals cannot have close friends at all?

Unlike many others here, I hardly ever have problems with obsessive male friends who "just don't get the hint". As far as I know, most of them have never had a crush on me, and the otheres that have haven't caused any trouble. Unless of course I've secrectly liked their attention and played with their feelings by purposefully giving out mixed signals. (In which case I can't really blame anyone but myself, so yeah.). Roughly half of my friends are of the opposite gender and keeping these relationships platonic has not been an issue, even if we have cuddled or slept in the same tent/bed/sleeping bag or kissed or whatever.

Maybe this could be at least partly culture-related? The Finnish society strongly encourages equality and liberalism (we have mixed saunas and all! ), it's a pretty feminist place actually. The difference to e.g South-European countries where women/men stereotypically tend to act/dress/speak/younameit in a very feminine/masculine way, and even the UK where many women stay at home taking care of the house/children while the man provides for the family is easy to tell. So it could be that the people around here are more used to seeing the memebers of the opposite gender in a platonic way?

Sorry for the off-topicness

Oh no, here we go again, northern europeans thinking that italy is africa

[jessica129]

The only guy i'd ever sleep in bed with would be a guy I'd willingly have sex with so an erection wouldn't be an issue. Why do people sleep with their friends?

[Aquagraph]

Oh no, here we go again, northern europeans thinking that italy is africa

For every 10 finnish unemployed male, there's 11 female finns unemployed. For every 10 unemployed male italians, there's 18 unemployed female italians.

Given, this doesn't tell the whole story. Not at all.

I still believe that finns are pretty off the gender roles compared to Southern Europeans who find finnish women (too) stubborn, independent and strong-willed.
Here you can't call a girl a "miss" and be certain that she didn't find that demeaning. If found insulting, there's usually a quick reaction and it is advised for the male to apologize.

[FDG]

For every 10 finnish unemployed male, there's 11 female finns unemployed. For every 10 unemployed male italians, there's 18 unemployed female italians.

Well, certainly there are some obstacles in the labor market, especially when women become pregnant. I'm not honestly saying that we are much advanced in terms of protecting females from this potential disadvantage (i.e. shared paternal and maternal leave, for example).

Given, this doesn't tell the whole story. Not at all.

I still believe that finns are pretty off the gender roles compared to Southern Europeans who find finnish women (too) stubborn, independent and strong-willed.
Here you can't call a girl a "miss" and be certain that she didn't find that demeaning. If found insulting, there's usually a quick reaction and it is advised for the male to apologize.

Maybe you're right, I don't know. I only know two finnish women, both of them friends of my girlfriend, so I can't say I have observed a large sample - they seemed fine to me, not as animated in body language, but that is one stereotype which I generally found correct. Of course, having a relationship with them might be a different story, for sure. I don't know why miss would be considered insulting in a casual social context, though - the explicit reference to a gender difference? I can see how it might be insulting in a work setting, though.

[Aquagraph]

The only guy i'd ever sleep in bed with would be a guy I'd willingly have sex with so an erection wouldn't be an issue. Why do people sleep with their friends?

I sometimes sleep with people who aren't my friends yet aren't considered to be fucked. Yet.

Well, certainly there are some obstacles in the labor market, especially when women become pregnant.

Applies to finnish women as well. Yet the statistics suggest that women in Italy are likelier to be kept in the kitchen. At least more so in comparison to finnish culture.

I don't know why miss would be considered insulting in a casual social context, though - the explicit reference to a gender difference? I can see how it might be insulting in a work setting, though.

"Can I offer you my jacket, miss?", "You're quite the beauty, miss!" "Here you go, miss"
Our equivovalent word reminds some women about being someone who is unable to lead an independent life and needs every door opened to her.

[DirectorAbbie]

It's not about needing every door opened for her. Opening doors is easy and I'm pretty sure everyone will agree on that. (Unless it's locked or covered in chewing gum; that's a different story.) Sometimes there are no courteous males around, and we open our own doors.

If you see a lady standing in front of a door waiting for it to open, that's when there's obviously a problem...because in today's world, most doors open automatically and people expect stepping forward to be all they have to do. "Here, lady, let me assist you with that." *waves hand* What a gentleman...


Personally, I don't know why men having more jobs than women is an issue. Like FDG mentioned, women get pregnant. Then hopefully they take some time off to take care of their infant/toddler/preschooler. And it would be nice if they actually have a man with a job to support them during this, which might be difficult if the workforce is full of a bunch of pregnant women after his job.

[mu4]

I sometimes sleep with people who aren't my friends yet aren't considered to be fucked. Yet.

Applies to finnish women as well. Yet the statistics suggest that women in Italy are likelier to be kept in the kitchen. At least more so in comparison to finnish culture.

"Can I offer you my jacket, miss?", "You're quite the beauty, miss!" "Here you go, miss"
Our equivovalent word reminds some women about being someone who is unable to lead an independent life and needs every door opened to her.

Oh interesting.

[silke]

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KILL AN ERECTION IF WHEN YOU WANT TO KEEP IT NONSEXUAL YET YOU ARE SPOONING?! As my capslock might reveal,
this has indeed been an issue for me.

Just tape it to your leg prior to spooning. Then you are free to imagine anything really, just make sure that there are enough rolls/tape is sturdy enough.

[Aquagraph]

It's not about needing every door opened for her. Opening doors is easy and I'm pretty sure everyone will agree on that. (Unless it's locked or covered in chewing gum; that's a different story.) Sometimes there are no courteous males around, and we open our own doors.

If I happen to be handily around the door while someone who is less able to open the door, I see it fit to open it myself. Less able = Old people, people with no available hands, handicapped and children. I don't want to include women in this list. Though I admit that I might want to open doors for others if I want to gesture my fondness towards them, but that just leads to the situation where I treat people according to their attractiveness - as we all do in the end.

Being a gentleman is impressing the ladies 80% of the time. If not, why would gentlemanliness be related to helping out women.

Personally, I don't know why men having more jobs than women is an issue. Like FDG mentioned, women get pregnant. Then hopefully they take some time off to take care of their infant/toddler/preschooler. And it would be nice if they actually have a man with a job to support them during this, which might be difficult if the workforce is full of a bunch of pregnant women after his job.

Maybe fathers should be involved equally in their children's lives. Women with no job easily get trapped in their troublesome marriages due to their personal economic dependence. The power settings in relationship may also be unbalanced as the participant male earns more. And don't tell me it doesn't matter, it's always about the money.

But this wasn't about it being a problem, it was just a statistics showing that Southern Europe is TOTALLY LIKE AFRICA.

[FDG]

I sometimes sleep with people who aren't my friends yet aren't considered to be fucked. Yet.

Applies to finnish women as well. Yet the statistics suggest that women in Italy are likelier to be kept in the kitchen. At least more so in comparison to finnish culture.

Well actually if a woman is considered as unemployed, it means she is actively looking for work. In fact, an ensemble and more extended statistics might paint a much worse picture, since there are probably a lot more women among "discouraged workers".

reminds some women about being someone who is unable to lead an independent life and needs every door opened to her.

That's a bit of a stretch (actually, not a bit, a really big stretch). I'd say they should take that stick off their ass

[Beautiful sky]

I love cuddling.

I love to hold the person I love. Not sure if it's gender or type-related, but I feel a strong need to protect them from everything. I'd feel weird if a girl would want to physically protect me, but at the same time I think it's nice when a girl looks out for me: a girl I've been talking with the past couple weeks says 'Make sure to get a good night's sleep' or "hey im about to leave for home. ill call you when I arrive? use your lunch to refuel!" It's nice to know she's thinking of me... sorry to get a bit off-topic, with bed positions.

I dislike cuddling.

[Aquagraph]

I dislike cuddling.

Yeah, must be totally a thing. Which is totally not your thing. Totally.

[willekeurig]

Yeah, must be totally a thing. Which is totally not your thing. Totally.

Nope, it's a thing, hence maritsa is EIE.

[Aquagraph]

Nope, it's a thing, hence maritsa is EIE.

Fuckloads of logic and evidence - we haz dem.

Maritsa ei oikei tunnu tajuava tota vinoiluain ihan täysillä. Tai sit se vaan leikkii nynnerö EII:tä.
Mä kyl ymmärrän jos haluut sen pois tyypistäs. Haluun sen jo pois alphoista.
Huom, slangill vältät kuukkelin käännösominaisuudet ku turhautat niitä josta puhutaa.