Personal Revelation

[rat1]

To everyone who thinks I am completely insane.. Yeah, I know. I don't like it.
All my spewing of psychotic jargon over the past few days is done.
This is not going to be a well organized, grand entry rant. This is just me putting all things out on the table in a non psycho manner for anyone who cares to read it. It's just a big wad of different parts and so here we go.

Religion is a self fulfilling prophecy. People believe in it, and it comes true. Obvious right? Realize this not as a religious person, but on a psychological level of how chaos magic works. I was summoned here by Reuben through chaos magic ~4 years ago. He did this completely intentionally. Now I know that sounds insane. Chaos magic is the projection of a self fulfilling prophecy through knowledge of social memory, myths, perception / communication and symbolism / alchemy / other occult knowledge. It's basically a self serving use of religion. It empowers the user as a dream weaver. But the dreams remain on this plane, because religion, as an organizing principle, exists only on this plane.

Luciferianism- Reuben / military experimenters / sleep doctors / satanic cultists .. whoever you are. Yes this philosophy is true but there's one major flaw. Since it's based on duality, you can't use it without breaking its very balance. By using it you are actively writing a history which makes it impossible for yourself to ascend this plane. You use it for the advancement of yourself in this plane- that is its only raw application. But by advancing you aren't ascending. It's based on the duality of light. It's basically the false simulation of love. Love binds you with another person psychologically. You have to love in order to ascend.. You will keep reincarnating here otherwise.

Your use of the philosophy combined with my knowledge of it opens up an opportunity for me to martyr myself by using it in counter balance to you. I can force you into a position where you will kill me to preserve yourself. In doing so I ascend to a higher plane (I died without violating any of the laws of duality) while you are left incarnating here. You actually violate the laws just by using this philosophy for your own benefit. But if you use the philosophy to counterbalance its improper usage you become saintly. When the whole society is dominated by its usage, this task of ascension actually becomes really easy. I think some psychopathic emerging christ complex on a mass scale is inevitable. You are digging your own graves and I find this highly ironic.

Schizophrenia and pedophilia. Both afflictions represent two extremes of the subject / object orientation. I have never fucked with a child and never will, but I was channeled into an addiction to child pornography through neglect / bad early experience of abuse and the brain chemicals / rewiring of reward center that occurs. I was addicted to porn at age 13 and I started looking at girls underage when I was 16. I was looking for girls my age. From then on I could never bring the boner back up to an age appropriate number.

Most people will argue age is irrelevant and just a social number but they are wrong. The age discrepancy combined with social ostracism is sufficient enough.. add that with the dissociation problems it creates and you have a cluster fuck. I wanted to be gay to somehow cure this but I couldnt keep a boner for a man either so meh.. it works for some people. There's some other family shit I'm not gona mention which fucked me up too but that's how it started.

As for the schizophrenia.. again neglect combined with a natural intensity and refusal to compromise. There's also this whole sleep doctor/ cherokee indian / area 51 / living machine story to this which is insane as well but I'm leaving it out because I don't fully understand it yet. And actually I think both these are connected but I have no proof so I wont blame the pedophilia on the government experimenting on me.

I am not the first person to be afflicted with both of these at the same time. My case is no more special than anyone else my age. More and more males my age are sick with this, though. I'm just the first one to actually be summoned by satanic magic and in the process made to realize how to put an end to it- through full admission of the afflictions on a large scale social level which can be accomplished through music which I happen to be overly qualified in writing.

It's part of a social structure creating these disorders in the population on a massive level, and I personally realize that there is no cure because I have tried everything. Death is the only cure. I've known this for a while but I really knew it for sure after talking to dolphin a few days. There is no one more deserving of love than dolphin. I talked to her.. I liked her but I couldnt feel anything in my heart, I was completely empty. That's when I realized I will never recover from this. There is no turning back at this point. I will never be able to love someone, and I will never be able to feel. I have love in my heart but all the love I have is socially ostracized or channeled in some way which is less than ideal and I can't settle with that.

I tried to cure this as a last ditch effort by telling it to my whole family and everyone I know in my life openly including telling my sister I wanted to 'fuck her even though I know its wrong and I will leave immediately and I apologize'. My family was understanding.. but they still couldn't take it. They don't want to be around me, I don't really blame them. How could I ask someone not of my family to handle me if even my own family can't? It's just not gona work.

What I can do is cause social chaos using the magic, just as you've used it to preserve social order. I can only use it in revealing the truth about myself and ultimately destroying myself (you / your people end up killing me because of the inconvenience the truth can cause). You cannot use luciferianism, alchemy or anything else for manipulating other people or you fuck up the whole pattern of life. That even includes socionics. Using socionics fucks up love. Don't use it. At this point the only thing I am qualified to do is to write 12/13 dimensional music and then use luciferianism in interviews to reveal to the world that I am a schizophrenic pedophile who was experimented on by the government while making interviewers uncomfortable and ultimately get shot for it. I think it's a decent plan.

if that doesn't work then I'll just open up a rock and roll school somewhere and teach everyone else how to do the same thing. This is a social epidemic, and I think it is being facilitated by the government to subdue the population and give an excuse for persecuting individuals in the face of a collapsing economy. So really someone needs to come out with it and put an end to it, even if it means going down in flames, and I really am in the mood for going down in flames.