On duality, marriage, and how much it really matters

[mu4]

What redbaron says is correct, socionics basically predicts this, some relationships, including relationships like activity and mirror requires a certain amount of distance, otherwise there will be conflict.

[Lobo]

I just don't see the "magic" of duality in real life for me. I'm definitely attracted to LSEs, but meh, haven't found that many who aren't tools or who I can actually trust. I like what Slacker said about just having fun and going out with people regardless of their type.

[Suz]

Haha, I thought my bf was SLI, initially. FAIL.

What made you think that initially, and how did you realize he was another type later? (LSI? SLE?)

[Suz]

I just don't see the "magic" of duality in real life for me. I'm definitely attracted to LSEs, but meh, haven't found that many who aren't tools or who I can actually trust. I like what Slacker said about just having fun and going out with people regardless of their type.

I can't say that I disagree with you as I've had a similar experience with my duals. The magic really only comes into play once you're close enough, and that happened for me with just one dual, with whom i was forced to work with for long long shifts of really hard work. With the other dual i now know, it's been hard to GET close enough in the first place. I think that really is the big catch with duality.

[Lobo]

I can't say that I disagree with you as I've had a similar experience with my duals. The magic really only comes into play once you're close enough, and that happened for me with just one dual, with whom i was forced to work with for long long shifts of really hard work. With the other dual i now know, it's been hard to GET close enough in the first place. I think that really is the big catch with duality.

I don't even know how to become close to one, it's like I feel incompatible psychologically. And, no, it's not a mistyping thing. I feel like calling them out for interpersonal stuff they do, and that doesn't seem like a nice relationship to be having.

[Suz]

I don't even know how to become close to one, it's like I feel incompatible psychologically. And, no, it's not a mistyping thing. I feel like calling them out for interpersonal stuff they do, and that doesn't seem like a nice relationship to be having.

I hear u, I hear u... the same thing has been happening for me with my duals. And well maybe part of the magic of duality is that i actually WILL feel comfortable enough to call them out on it. And when I do, nothing catastrophic happens. Maybe they're even influenced by that. But yes I hear u, I feel absolutely horrible about what i told them, before I find out that they've actually grown from what i said.

[shakealittle]

I just don't see the "magic" of duality in real life for me. I'm definitely attracted to LSEs, but meh, haven't found that many who aren't tools or who I can actually trust. I like what Slacker said about just having fun and going out with people regardless of their type.

I hear you. I have had a relationship with a dual before and I find it very hard to trust them, ESPECIALLY when they are left to their own devices for a period of time. It's hard to trust that they won't stuff up .... I mean it seems like they are oblivious to things that are obvious and important to me. I didn't like having to expel of this Ti on him, I didn't like becoming even more myself.

My ex dual makes attempts to indirectly get into contact with me and maybe I'm misreading his intentions but he is engaged (after only 6mnths with someone), why open that can of worms again for whatever reason he has. It's that kind of thing which made me realise we are so different. Dare I say I find it's easier to love identicals and I'm yet to find that same physical attraction to my identicals with my duals. Life is much more fun with activity partners over other relations. Living together could be a different story though!

[rat1]

duality is an idealization. Duals will end up running from eachothers problems, & thus running from eachother. Self actualization is necessary to achieve duality. If you are self actualized and you experience duality, it feels the same as the other relationships. You don't become self actualized through love, that's dependency issues and why you're so reliant on your mother and father, on daddy government and why you wear bear costumes and so fourth. So this is a bad question and it should be ignored.

[Suz]

duality is an idealization. Duals will end up running from eachothers problems, & thus running from eachother. Self actualization is necessary to achieve duality. If you are self actualized and you experience duality, it feels the same as the other relationships. You don't become self actualized through love, that's dependency issues and why you're so reliant on your mother and father, on daddy government and why you wear bear costumes and so fourth. So this is a bad question and it should be ignored.

what do you mean by "self-actualization"?

[Beautiful sky]

I need to respectfully disagree here. More time put into a relationship does NOT necessarily equal a stronger relationship. Oh that it did! See, relationships do require work but that work ought to be productive, as you say. I know several marriages right now where that's simply not the case. One is a conflict marriage, the other is supervisory. After awhile it becomes apparent that the only way to live peacefully with this person is to keep a certain distance. Don't even TRY to get closer. You kind of learn how to do this and can certainly MAKE things work that way if you're willing to have that kind of marriage. But it's not a simple formula of more time=better marriage.

Just sayin.

Wow, what a beautiful dual interaction between you and HLD; you speak to him with such mild manners, politeness, respect. I'm afraid I just discovered why my LSI boss and I don't really get along that well, because I don't speak to him like you would.

[Leader]

what do you mean by "self-actualization"?

I don't think he means anything, it seems as he's just talking out of his ass.

But on a more serious note, crazedrat, do you simply mean knowing yourself and understanding who you are first, before duality can work?

[Artsu Tharaz]

I don't think he means anything, it seems as he's just talking out of his ass.

But on a more serious note, crazedrat, do you simply mean knowing yourself and understanding who you are first, before duality can work?

He's saying the notion of a dual is based on an incorrect notion in the first place, i.e. that we need some other to make us whole.

However, whether this is relevant to what really matters regarding duality is hard to say.

[mu4]

He's saying the notion of a dual is based on an incorrect notion in the first place, i.e. that we need some other to make us whole.

However, whether this is relevant to what really matters regarding duality is hard to say.

Differentiation and specialization is about focusing on abilities into a narrow area, humans vs other animals are highly specialized and have highly specialized information processing. In the course of differentiation some traits can be sacrificed in order to more adequately focus on other traits.

Duality is not about making people whole, even with a dual we are still not whole, which is why people engage society even after meeting a dual, marrying them and what not. That's why there is a socion, but even that is not whole. People group together and organize themselves not only to feel whole(althrough this is a feeling that could be desirable), but also to engage in cooperative activity and towards tangible goals and rewards.

Duality may be more about finding the best possible person to reproduce with, and achieving a feeling of satisfaction and contentment, however it doesn't make you whole, it does however make you psychologically supported.

People may describe this desire in mystical and spiritual terms, like a emptiness inside, a void in one's heart, but it is very simple, it is a basic desire to have support in our weak areas and that's all it is. However, if it feels to magical to the individuals, by all means indulge in that feeling.

[Ozz]

I hear you. I have had a relationship with a dual before and I find it very hard to trust them, ESPECIALLY when they are left to their own devices for a period of time. It's hard to trust that they won't stuff up .... I mean it seems like they are oblivious to things that are obvious and important to me. I didn't like having to expel of this Ti on him, I didn't like becoming even more myself.

I noticed this with a dual actually. Sometimes they seem confident with their suggestive function but they are missing a lot of nuance of that function. I fear that they will run head-on into a wall (figuratively speaking) or create disasters for themselves.

[carrina]

For background, I'm married to my dual, and our marriage has been really good and easy and has had longevity.

But I know 1. lots of people in non-dual marriages who also seem very happy and whose marriages have longevity.

I feel like 2. duality makes my marriage easier, but on the other hand there are things unrelated to scoinics involved that make my marriage easy too - similar views on politics, religion, how to raise children, etc.

My friends who are in 3. happy non-dual marriages talk about how they "work on" their marriages, by doing things like having regular date nights, spending certain amount of time each night talking about something other than their children, etc. My husband and I don't have to do anything like that or worry about it, but maybe their work is beneficial enough to make it even better than my easy dual marriage? I've only been in one marriage so I can't compare.

The one thing I do feel confident about is that duality 4. is not the end-all-be-all in relationships. I feel like people should, when they're young and of dating age like so many people here are, 5. go out into the world and just date and enjoy themselves, without so much focus on type. What if there is a wonderful relationship 6. with a non-dual available that you miss? 7. What if you end up with a dual with whom you have such different views on religion or politics that you just sit and argue all the time, albeit argue very well and effectively due to compatible communication styles? 8. And what if you've mistyped yourself, or the other person you're dating or not dating based on Socionics? It all seems very risky to me.

(This is not based on any specific person. It's just a thought I had.)

1. This happens all the time. No problem, non issue.
2. The only reason that matters
3. Marriage counseling is for people who aren't compatible.
4. That depends on who you ask/there is no "end all be all" for anything ever anywhere
5. sounds like an extreme waste of time/completely uninteresting/not my idea of fun
6. I see no problem here. freindships/relationships, its all the same. those who have this problem may not limit themselves. just because you love/like someone doesn't mean you are compatible and should date. nor does it mean you should not date them.
7. the views become more similar in mature people. those views shouldn't matter.
8. Common effect of being an idiot

[Kim]

The thought of living without a dual makes me very sad. If I had never found out about socionics, I'd be happier, but I have, and now I'm permanently sad and alone forever or else I have to sacrifice my religious beliefs.

You really don't need a dual for a happy relationship. I had a better relationship with an SLE than with an SLI (although the dual relationship was easier). Really, forget that Socionics exists and go meet people.

[Kim]

I used to freely meet people before I learned Socionics but now that I have, I can't forget it exists, and it's just a source of misery every day. I'm glad you had a good relationship with the SLE though. IEE-SLE is super ego and it was still good? So that gives me hope. Thank you

Yes it was good and where it wasn't, it was not because of Socionics. It was not as effortless as the dual relationship, but more exciting (which I like).

[MisterNi]

Lol.