Originally Posted by
Yukiko
I love being around those I trust and those with similar interests as me. For me, the happiest time is when I'm surrounded by people who I know, talking about things I love. I consider myself a decent judge of character, and depending on the "vibe" I get from people minutes upon meeting them, they are usually deemed as "trustable", "acquaintance", or "not worth the effort". Why do they get set into the group that they are in? I'm not quite sure. I try not to let on to the person which group they are in, but I will naturally gravitate towards those who I find worthy. These are the people I will naturally try to trust; however, my trust is not easily given. A single doubtable action is enough to color my perception towards them forever.
Trust is the highest regard I can give someone, and the maximum I hope to receive. Because peoples' emotions towards me and objects I am concentrating on always seem really obvious to me, any abnormalities in behavior in someone I don't trust completely will have me immediately suspicious. However, when I trust someone fully, I will always try to help them and make them happy. If someone I trust seems to be growing distant from me, or seems to have someone they prefer to my company, that can be very upsetting for me. I want to be needed. Superficial feelings are normal, but it always thrills and surprises me to know that I am truly loved.
Someone who I love who can tell me "thank you... I can tell that you care for me" is enough to bring me to my knees, because it somehow just seems so unexpected. A stranger who reads something I wrote and takes the time to say, "you're an amazing writer, probably one of the best on this site. Please, don't ever stop writing!" touches me for months afterwards.
When I'm with strangers or thrown into an unfamiliar situation, I often become introverted. The remedy for this is laughter. I naturally gravitate towards those who are cheerful and bright in a way that includes me. I like a group that is selective in the topics it discusses (nothing vulgar or vindictive) but not closed in a way that prohibits new members. If I am tense with someone, that usually means they haven't laughed yet. Anyone who laughs at my jokes becomes immediately more approachable. Not laughing at my jokes renders me immediately withdrawn.
I am okay at keeping up normal relations that are necessary but don't give me any pleasure. I can fake laugh and keep up pretenses, but it takes effort and isn't rewarding. I can also read if someone else is bored or not interested, even if they are fake-laughing. I hate it when people don't react to my jokes, and my biggest fear is being found as dislikeable or upsetting. What would hurt me the most is if someone I have always trusted suddenly insults me or stabs me in the back.