Do you prefer quiet or loud love?

[Reuben]

vs loud, public, declarations of it.

Which do you prefer?

[Suz]

quiet for sure. And actions speak louder than words to me when it comes to this. Except PDAs. No PDAs please.

[Pa3s]

It's a private matter, so I'd handle this as quiet as possible.

[FDG]

Kinda loud, but only a little.

[Nico1e]

My understanding is that this is a Fe versus Fi question. Fe types supposedly want to see more visible, outward demonstrations of love. However, I don't have any good examples that I could look at to explain what exactly this means.

I know that I myself will physically touch a boyfriend when we are in public places, hugging, leaning on each other, etc. For me love is something that I feel if I look in someone's eyes and feel a connection with them, and it is quiet. I am almost physically incapable of calling people an affectionate nickname - I've tried before, and it's extremely unnatural for me. So that particular type of expression is probably Fe, because I just really, really can't do it. I don't know.

In fact when I am attracted to a guy, I choke up if I even have to say his name out loud at all. I'll just call him 'you' all the time. In other languages there is a formal 'You' and an informal 'you.' I'm not sure whether I would be using the informal you, or whether I would get stuck using the formal You for a really long time, and avoid using the informal you. I think I do start using whatever English equivalent of the informal you that we have - it's a tone of voice when you say it. I talk quietly in a different tone of voice directed at the person.

[ashlesha]

too loud feels like it's for show. too quiet feels like theres shame in it.

theres more romance in quiet though. like you're so sure it doesn't need to be confirmed. the nice thing about loud is feeling like someone is proud of having your regard.

choosing one though, I'd go with quiet.

[Korpsy Knievel]

The informal "you" in English is "dude".

[mu4]

like a nirvana song verse chorus verse

quiet loud quiet

or bjork

[leckysupport]

Act from the soul and not for the effect.

[Nico1e]

The informal "you" in English is "dude".

hahahah I actually do say the word 'dude' sometimes, too, but it's something I blurt out if something shocking or surprising happens (trying to think of an example here) - 'Dude! that stuff went everywhere!' (something made a mess, etc (*I'm talking about the workplace. I just realized this seemed to have a double meaning.*)). So with me it's more of an exclamation of surprise. I have on rare occasions actually called someone 'dude,' though - it's been known to happen.

The two McDonald's women who I have typed as ESE, one at my store and one I know from another store, both use terms of endearment very liberally. They will say dear, sweetie, honey, hun, darling, and love, to large numbers of random people going through the drive-thru. This is the exact opposite of what I do, like, so far from me it's in an alternate universe. They even call ME 'dear,' and I always get a little bit surprised when this happens, like, who on earth would call me dear, and, do I have to call YOU 'dear' in return??? And these two women are people who I don't actually feel very close to, either. So they feel very confident about calling people loving nicknames even if they don't know them very well, even people who are total strangers buying food at McDonald's. So I associate this with Fe and it's something that I myself am very uncomfortable doing. I've done it under conditions of extreme stress - I told a story elsewhere in the forum where I mentioned that my ex-boyfriend's daughter got sick and I was temporarily calling her 'sweetie' while I was helping her, but any other time, I don't.

I talk to dogs and cats much more confidently than I do to people.

[Reuben]

I love you in the silence, and in the darkness, and in the depth of your soul.

[Nico1e]

I love you in the silence, and in the darkness, and in the depth of your soul.

Who are you talking to? My post is above yours so I'm thinking it's me.

[FDG]

My understanding is that this is a Fe versus Fi question. Fe types supposedly want to see more visible, outward demonstrations of love. However, I don't have any good examples that I could look at to explain what exactly this means.

That's too easy, too stereotypical. For example, Fe quadras comprise of many types that lack both feeling and intuition. Are they going to be love-showy?
Furthermore, an introverted function can sometimes accumulate pent-up energy (that is written in many descriptions of IJ types) and ultimately lead to bigger show-offs than extraverted functions, which release their energy more evenly.

[Nico1e]

That made me think about it. In the past when I was attempting to meet people or date people, if anyone ever said the words 'I love you' to me, my instant reaction was 'You don't know me.' If I were with someone I loved, they would know that I loved them because I would start spending large amounts of time with them, asking them lots of questions, talking to them more and more often, and, if we were seeing each other in person (instead of for instance writing letters) then I would initiate physical touch. I am often (but not always) the one who initiates physical touch. I also help them by doing things for them like giving them a ride in the car if they don't have a car, for instance.

But an ideal relationship for me would be one where we actively avoided saying the words 'I love you,' which is uncomfortable for me for some reason. And it isn't because I think that I don't deserve love. I just don't say it. I'm becoming pretty sure that this is a Fe-PoLR, Fi-seeking kind of thing. In fact, it actually annoys me when people say 'I love you' to me. http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...overted_ethics The Fi-mobilizing description there matches my own experience of wanting to have 'feelings that go unsaid.' (Note, my mother and I say 'I love you' to each other, but it's taken for granted as a family thing. I'm actually awkward saying it to my dad, who seems to be either SLI or ILI. But anyway I'm talking about dating, not family.)

[Slacker]

I've said this before, and some people are always amazed, but I don't think my SLI husband has ever said "I love you" to me, or if he has it was unimportant enough that I haven't specifically remembered. He shows me he loves me, but it isn't something he says.

On the other hand, I do think he likes for me to tell him I love him. And he loves it when the kids tell him they love him. But I think he'd be weirded out if I made some public declaration of love, like the way people have huge public proposals at sporting events and that kind of thing. I don't even get that.

[FDG]

My personal opinion: positivist-extravert "loud love", negativist-introvert "quiet love", merry "loud love", serious "quiet love". Then you can create all the cross typings starting from those dichtomies, that predict alpha extraverts to be those who prefer "loud love" the most, and peak-Te introverts those who prefer "quiet love" the most.

[anndelise]

It depends.

When my daughter was younger, and in school, I'd deliver a balloon bouquet, some cupcakes/cookies, and some little gifts that she got to hand out to her classmates. Money was tight, but this was worth it because a) she felt important to me, and b) she got to share her joy with her classmates. I wouldn't do it now, though, because she's grown, changed, and has a different way of sharing/feeling special than when she was young.

When I was younger and working at a desk, I always felt special when someone I was dating would deliver a single flower to my workplace. He didn't do it in a grand way, just kind of snuck it in with a vase so that I'd find it after lunch. It let me know he was thinking of me.

I've never been upset/concerned about PDAs like kissing, hugging, holding hands, arms around waist/shoulder, etc. I am touchy-feely, and I don't really care what others think of it.

I like reading the local sign where people put up congrats and love yous, and welcome homes, and happy anniversary/birthdays. Their fun to read, and make me smile.

But when Richard and I are together in a public space, we're usually close together, in our own little space, it's rare to see us apart. However, he does wear an anklet type thing...that reminds him that I'm committed to him, and want him...similar to a wedding band on someone's finger. However, because it's unusual (not a wedding band), some people view it as a loud declaration.

I liked what leckysupport said above, "Act from the soul, not for the effect."
And I do.

[DirectorAbbie]

too loud feels like it's for show.

.

[Atlast]

Well gee, wouldn't you guys like it both ways? Save one for parties and roller coasters and reserve the other for the bed, unless you like to mix the two

[MisterNi]

Both are awesome and relevant in the right context.

[Park]

[InkStrider]

Both are awesome and relevant in the right context.

[Pa3s]

Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.

[anndelise]

Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.

Wouldn't it depend on if you were deliberately keeping it secret? If you're purposefully keeping it hidden from others...then those others are already interfering, even if that interference is merely by letting your thoughts of them influence your actions in this relationship.

[Krig the Viking]

My personal opinion: positivist-extravert "loud love", negativist-introvert "quiet love", merry "loud love", serious "quiet love". Then you can create all the cross typings starting from those dichtomies, that predict alpha extraverts to be those who prefer "loud love" the most, and peak-Te introverts those who prefer "quiet love" the most.

Sounds right. For me, the "quiet love" is the important part, and the "loud love" is a nice bonus.

[EyeSeeCold]

Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.

Yeah, except for what laghlagh said. Too lowkey and it's like you have something to be ashamed of, if someone deliberately went out of their way to keep it on the hush I'd suspect something.

[Reuben]

My ex-girlfriend once told me to stop stroking her thighs in public.









She loved me for not listening to her.

[Beautiful sky]

Quiet.

[FDG]

Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.

Ah, idk, I don't even think about loud love as something having to do with boasting with other people about your relationship. More like you know...loud stuff. Idk, like having sex outdoors, lol.

[Reuben]

I like having sex outdoors, without people watching.

[DirectorAbbie]

I like having sex outdoors, without people watching.

Rueben, you're a virgin!

[Reuben]

That doesn't stop me from liking it.

[Pa3s]

Wouldn't it depend on if you were deliberately keeping it secret?

Yes of course, that's why I put the "secret" in quotation marks. It wouldn't be very good for your relationship if nobody is allowed to know about it.

Ah, idk, I don't even think about loud love as something having to do with boasting with other people about your relationship.

It's a matter of taste, I didn't want to say that "loud" expressions of love are necessarily attention-seeking. There are certainly a many people who would feel constrained if they weren't allowed to show their love openly. But I handle most personal things very secretive, anyway.

[pianosinger]

Mostly quiet. Though I am not opposed to public hand-holding, snuggling, and kissing (within limits), and telling people I love them-- whether in public or in private. I'm not going to paint it on a billboard, though. My husband and I both say "I love you" to each other often, and also to our kids. I'll yell it across a parking lot if I really feel the urge, though my husband prefers the quiet "I love you" hand signal that he picked up from his parents and taught to me (holding out thumb, index finger, and pinky, to make the letters "I L U").

Verbal affirmation is very important, though it should always be backed up with loving actions.

[Park]

Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship?

For me? Yes, absolutely. For most people I know, not really. Or perhaps I'm wrong.

[FDG]

the quiet "I love you" hand signal that he picked up from his parents and taught to me (holding out thumb, index finger, and pinky, to make the letters "I L U"). .

Omg this kind of stuff would creep me out. Like I would feel the need to shout it as loud as I can to contrast the strong dampening and stifling of emotions this kind of stuff implies.

[Park]

As far as emotions go, I prefer implicitness.

Verbal affirmation is very important

Why? I shouldn't have to tell someone how I feel about them, especially not people I love.

[DirectorAbbie]

Why? I shouldn't have to tell someone how I feel about them, especially not people I love.

True, but not many people can figure it out unless you tell them at least once.

[Codie]

Depends. I like physical touching & kissing in public, if not I feel like the other person might be ashamed to be with me or not serious about me. I also like the relationship to be known among friends & fam. BUT I cringe at sharing feelings and private details out loud, certain things are private.

edit: oops im beta

[Reuben]

True, but not many people can figure it out unless you tell them at least once.

you abbie

I like being worshipped by a group of isolated primitives for my great height and seven heads.

OUR GODDESS HAS ARRIVED;
let us bow down our heads in worship
and kiss her decimal toes,
for we would kiss her
on her 7 lips but
but we fear her flaring nose.

And besides we're too damn short to reach it.