Do you prefer quiet or loud love?

[Nico1e]

That made me think about it. In the past when I was attempting to meet people or date people, if anyone ever said the words 'I love you' to me, my instant reaction was 'You don't know me.' If I were with someone I loved, they would know that I loved them because I would start spending large amounts of time with them, asking them lots of questions, talking to them more and more often, and, if we were seeing each other in person (instead of for instance writing letters) then I would initiate physical touch. I am often (but not always) the one who initiates physical touch. I also help them by doing things for them like giving them a ride in the car if they don't have a car, for instance.

But an ideal relationship for me would be one where we actively avoided saying the words 'I love you,' which is uncomfortable for me for some reason. And it isn't because I think that I don't deserve love. I just don't say it. I'm becoming pretty sure that this is a Fe-PoLR, Fi-seeking kind of thing. In fact, it actually annoys me when people say 'I love you' to me. http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...overted_ethics The Fi-mobilizing description there matches my own experience of wanting to have 'feelings that go unsaid.' (Note, my mother and I say 'I love you' to each other, but it's taken for granted as a family thing. I'm actually awkward saying it to my dad, who seems to be either SLI or ILI. But anyway I'm talking about dating, not family.)

[Slacker]

I've said this before, and some people are always amazed, but I don't think my SLI husband has ever said "I love you" to me, or if he has it was unimportant enough that I haven't specifically remembered. He shows me he loves me, but it isn't something he says.

On the other hand, I do think he likes for me to tell him I love him. And he loves it when the kids tell him they love him. But I think he'd be weirded out if I made some public declaration of love, like the way people have huge public proposals at sporting events and that kind of thing. I don't even get that.

[FDG]

My personal opinion: positivist-extravert "loud love", negativist-introvert "quiet love", merry "loud love", serious "quiet love". Then you can create all the cross typings starting from those dichtomies, that predict alpha extraverts to be those who prefer "loud love" the most, and peak-Te introverts those who prefer "quiet love" the most.

[Krig the Viking]

My personal opinion: positivist-extravert "loud love", negativist-introvert "quiet love", merry "loud love", serious "quiet love". Then you can create all the cross typings starting from those dichtomies, that predict alpha extraverts to be those who prefer "loud love" the most, and peak-Te introverts those who prefer "quiet love" the most.

Sounds right. For me, the "quiet love" is the important part, and the "loud love" is a nice bonus.

[EyeSeeCold]

Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.

Yeah, except for what laghlagh said. Too lowkey and it's like you have something to be ashamed of, if someone deliberately went out of their way to keep it on the hush I'd suspect something.

[Reuben]

My ex-girlfriend once told me to stop stroking her thighs in public.









She loved me for not listening to her.

[anndelise]

It depends.

When my daughter was younger, and in school, I'd deliver a balloon bouquet, some cupcakes/cookies, and some little gifts that she got to hand out to her classmates. Money was tight, but this was worth it because a) she felt important to me, and b) she got to share her joy with her classmates. I wouldn't do it now, though, because she's grown, changed, and has a different way of sharing/feeling special than when she was young.

When I was younger and working at a desk, I always felt special when someone I was dating would deliver a single flower to my workplace. He didn't do it in a grand way, just kind of snuck it in with a vase so that I'd find it after lunch. It let me know he was thinking of me.

I've never been upset/concerned about PDAs like kissing, hugging, holding hands, arms around waist/shoulder, etc. I am touchy-feely, and I don't really care what others think of it.

I like reading the local sign where people put up congrats and love yous, and welcome homes, and happy anniversary/birthdays. Their fun to read, and make me smile.

But when Richard and I are together in a public space, we're usually close together, in our own little space, it's rare to see us apart. However, he does wear an anklet type thing...that reminds him that I'm committed to him, and want him...similar to a wedding band on someone's finger. However, because it's unusual (not a wedding band), some people view it as a loud declaration.

I liked what leckysupport said above, "Act from the soul, not for the effect."
And I do.