Do you prefer quiet or loud love?

[Nico1e]

The informal "you" in English is "dude".

hahahah I actually do say the word 'dude' sometimes, too, but it's something I blurt out if something shocking or surprising happens (trying to think of an example here) - 'Dude! that stuff went everywhere!' (something made a mess, etc (*I'm talking about the workplace. I just realized this seemed to have a double meaning.*)). So with me it's more of an exclamation of surprise. I have on rare occasions actually called someone 'dude,' though - it's been known to happen.

The two McDonald's women who I have typed as ESE, one at my store and one I know from another store, both use terms of endearment very liberally. They will say dear, sweetie, honey, hun, darling, and love, to large numbers of random people going through the drive-thru. This is the exact opposite of what I do, like, so far from me it's in an alternate universe. They even call ME 'dear,' and I always get a little bit surprised when this happens, like, who on earth would call me dear, and, do I have to call YOU 'dear' in return??? And these two women are people who I don't actually feel very close to, either. So they feel very confident about calling people loving nicknames even if they don't know them very well, even people who are total strangers buying food at McDonald's. So I associate this with Fe and it's something that I myself am very uncomfortable doing. I've done it under conditions of extreme stress - I told a story elsewhere in the forum where I mentioned that my ex-boyfriend's daughter got sick and I was temporarily calling her 'sweetie' while I was helping her, but any other time, I don't.

I talk to dogs and cats much more confidently than I do to people.

[Reuben]

I love you in the silence, and in the darkness, and in the depth of your soul.

[Nico1e]

I love you in the silence, and in the darkness, and in the depth of your soul.

Who are you talking to? My post is above yours so I'm thinking it's me.

[Nico1e]

That made me think about it. In the past when I was attempting to meet people or date people, if anyone ever said the words 'I love you' to me, my instant reaction was 'You don't know me.' If I were with someone I loved, they would know that I loved them because I would start spending large amounts of time with them, asking them lots of questions, talking to them more and more often, and, if we were seeing each other in person (instead of for instance writing letters) then I would initiate physical touch. I am often (but not always) the one who initiates physical touch. I also help them by doing things for them like giving them a ride in the car if they don't have a car, for instance.

But an ideal relationship for me would be one where we actively avoided saying the words 'I love you,' which is uncomfortable for me for some reason. And it isn't because I think that I don't deserve love. I just don't say it. I'm becoming pretty sure that this is a Fe-PoLR, Fi-seeking kind of thing. In fact, it actually annoys me when people say 'I love you' to me. http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...overted_ethics The Fi-mobilizing description there matches my own experience of wanting to have 'feelings that go unsaid.' (Note, my mother and I say 'I love you' to each other, but it's taken for granted as a family thing. I'm actually awkward saying it to my dad, who seems to be either SLI or ILI. But anyway I'm talking about dating, not family.)

[Slacker]

I've said this before, and some people are always amazed, but I don't think my SLI husband has ever said "I love you" to me, or if he has it was unimportant enough that I haven't specifically remembered. He shows me he loves me, but it isn't something he says.

On the other hand, I do think he likes for me to tell him I love him. And he loves it when the kids tell him they love him. But I think he'd be weirded out if I made some public declaration of love, like the way people have huge public proposals at sporting events and that kind of thing. I don't even get that.

[FDG]

My personal opinion: positivist-extravert "loud love", negativist-introvert "quiet love", merry "loud love", serious "quiet love". Then you can create all the cross typings starting from those dichtomies, that predict alpha extraverts to be those who prefer "loud love" the most, and peak-Te introverts those who prefer "quiet love" the most.

[Krig the Viking]

My personal opinion: positivist-extravert "loud love", negativist-introvert "quiet love", merry "loud love", serious "quiet love". Then you can create all the cross typings starting from those dichtomies, that predict alpha extraverts to be those who prefer "loud love" the most, and peak-Te introverts those who prefer "quiet love" the most.

Sounds right. For me, the "quiet love" is the important part, and the "loud love" is a nice bonus.

[anndelise]

It depends.

When my daughter was younger, and in school, I'd deliver a balloon bouquet, some cupcakes/cookies, and some little gifts that she got to hand out to her classmates. Money was tight, but this was worth it because a) she felt important to me, and b) she got to share her joy with her classmates. I wouldn't do it now, though, because she's grown, changed, and has a different way of sharing/feeling special than when she was young.

When I was younger and working at a desk, I always felt special when someone I was dating would deliver a single flower to my workplace. He didn't do it in a grand way, just kind of snuck it in with a vase so that I'd find it after lunch. It let me know he was thinking of me.

I've never been upset/concerned about PDAs like kissing, hugging, holding hands, arms around waist/shoulder, etc. I am touchy-feely, and I don't really care what others think of it.

I like reading the local sign where people put up congrats and love yous, and welcome homes, and happy anniversary/birthdays. Their fun to read, and make me smile.

But when Richard and I are together in a public space, we're usually close together, in our own little space, it's rare to see us apart. However, he does wear an anklet type thing...that reminds him that I'm committed to him, and want him...similar to a wedding band on someone's finger. However, because it's unusual (not a wedding band), some people view it as a loud declaration.

I liked what leckysupport said above, "Act from the soul, not for the effect."
And I do.

[Birdie]

Quiet love. Are you kidding me? Whenever I go out in public with the
man I see he comments on how much more people look at him. I hate
people looking at me. Before we went out in public together he did
not understand what I meant when I would tell him that people look
at me often, and a lot. Now he understands. He and I both would
prefer others not to look upon us ergo we present them with no reasons to.

[Aquagraph]

Sometimes I like just the partner to show PDA while acting distant at the same time.

[Gilly]

Sometimes I like just the partner to show PDA while acting distant at the same time.

"and when you smile for the camera
you know i love you betta"

[Eliza Thomason]

Quiet love! Definitely quiet love.